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  #21  
Old 06-05-2010, 10:58 PM
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catbird catbird is offline
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redpepper, you don't know what that means to me and my wife that you're thanking her for what she and so many did for women. And we can proudly say that the movement has been successful, too! It was only a few decades ago that most women were homemakers, including a great many that wanted to do other things. Our culture is so very much otherwise today. I will pass this along to her, if I can do it without making her cry.

Thanks also for pointing me to useful threads. You have been so supportive that it makes me very curious about you. I have lots of curiosity, but don't wish to invade your privacy or anyone's, knowing how very important it is. I am gratified to learn that you ARE of the feminine persuasion just on general terms, as I am perhaps entirely too enthusiastic about women.

But I love all of you! One of my biggest convictions is that the feminine form the most beautiful thing on earth. No discussion, no question, end of argument, I have spoken. Other possibilities have already been considered and assigned secondary positions. No other beauty need apply, thank you.
Sunsets? We get them every night. Waterfalls? Noisy and wet. (Noisy and wet women eventually run out of breath and can be dried off. I LOVE doing that.)

Take care of yourself, redpepper. I realize you must be busy, but hope to hear from you some time.
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  #22  
Old 06-05-2010, 11:40 PM
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Catbird my life is an open book. Especially on here

I am busy but I always have time for this forum. I love it here. There is always someone new and always so much to learn. From each other.
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  #23  
Old 06-06-2010, 03:15 AM
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phoenix762 phoenix762 is offline
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I know my wife, and am trying to be as generous about her as I can, but I've been upfront with her before, to no effect. Now recently she has suspected that I'm searching for another woman, and it has woken her right up. She is doing the best she can to be more affectionate but reaches a barrier.

Yeah. That part sounds familar-the barrier....but the woman's movement, and all, not so much.
Your wife didn't have anything happen to her when she was younger, no? Sexual abuse, something of that nature?
Why does she hate men? I could see her hating A MAN who hurt her, but men in general?

Hear me out here....and so sorry if I am off the mark, if so, just disregard this mess.

I was raised in foster care, and the family who raised us basically ignored us. They gave us the physical essentials, but we were not spoken to (unless reprimanded or told what to do) and it warps your brain. Trust.

No affection, no communication.
Nothing.

Top that off with a friend of the foster family who I thought I trusted sexually molesting me and well...there I had a recipie for disaster.
That's what happened to me, and to this day I am trying to sort out the mess in my head. So...my sex drive is pretty much absent..well, I suspect b/c of trust issues.

I was married twice. Both husbands didn't understand me. I was distant, showed affection either WAY too much or not at all. One extreme to the other. My guess is that I never learned bounderies...considering I was never accustomed to them. Granted, I was in therapy forever on the state of PA's dime....so I do have some insight into why I act the way I do, but....how do you correct it?
Perhaps you can't. I don't know.

I am hoping this does NOT pertain to your wife....but....that part of your comment...it raised a red flag.

I do hope everything works out for you, whatever you decide...
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  #24  
Old 06-07-2010, 09:33 PM
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Thank you, phoenix. I hope things work out for us too, and it starts to look like they might. We had a heart to heart just yesterday, and talked about how she had a rather rational personality, was sometimes distant, and how I was often pretty passionate about a lot of different things, and I suddenly asked her, being how different we are, how did she think she looked to me, from my eyes?

She made several guesses that weren't bad guesses, but I finally told her, "You look out of love, Dear." "What?" "You look and act like you're out of love." That floored her, brought her to complete silence. I stammered out that I'd watched her, it seemed like she'd rather read a book than relate to me. And so......I hadn't - wanted......to intrude on her life anymore.......and it finally got too painful for me to talk.

She was very shocked, took a while to recover, finally came to me to assure me that she did love me. I came to the realization that we speak two different love languages. We need to learn each other's native tongue.

I appreciate your account of your childhood. It couldn't have been much fun to pass along. My wife has never in 17 years mentioned childhood abuse. Of course that can mean nothing. No, my wife's thing is political. She had it against the male political and corporate leaders back in the day for restricting women's advancement. She spelled it out to me last night that no, I'm not that kind of guy, she knows that, loves me for it, is not lumping me with the old-time bastards and good ol' boys.

Phoenix, I hope very much that your sex drive gets better if that's something you want or need. You seem like a nice woman and who could not want the best for you? I have no input beyond best wishes for that. For one thing I'm a guy and our sex drives are very different. Most of us are pretty driven in an imperative sort of way. It's why we're always so damn enthusiastic! Everything best New Friend!
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  #25  
Old 06-07-2010, 09:42 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catbird View Post
She was very shocked, took a while to recover, finally came to me to assure me that she did love me. I came to the realization that we speak two different love languages. We need to learn each other's native tongue.
You might want to lookup and read on communication styles and love styles. Both combined may tell you what you both want and how you both communicate. ...I would recommend a book but don't know any. I am a google geek

Best of luck
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  #26  
Old 06-07-2010, 09:49 PM
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catbird catbird is offline
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Thanks, Ariakas. There is a book, The Five Love Languages. I got it just this morning. I don't know if it's any good, just barely started it.

Hope things go well in your neck of the woods!?!
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  #27  
Old 06-07-2010, 09:51 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catbird View Post
Thanks, Ariakas. There is a book, The Five Love Languages. I got it just this morning. I don't know if it's any good, just barely started it.

Hope things go well in your neck of the woods!?!
There are also fundamental communication styles too. I don't know if they are covered in that book.

http://www.cedanet.com/meta/communication_styles.htm

Thats very very basic. Each quadrant and style has a different way to perceive and send their communication...Understanding how each work helps in general communication too Not just for love

thanks...my neck of the woods are mono-fine, poly-lonely hahaha...
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  #28  
Old 06-07-2010, 10:08 PM
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catbird catbird is offline
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Thank you Ariakas! I went to the site you gave me, read and printed it to put in the book.

You know, when I first looked at this site it was in terms of flirting, not research, but I like to research too, I guess, or I wouldn't have so damn many books. ;D
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