Long-distance & poly-curious

Hi all,

I'm brand new to the polyamorous world. A teeny bit about me: I'm 23, female, bi and have a boyfriend who I've been with monogamously for a little over two years. I'm very poly-curious. He's the same — with a dash more skepticism. (I was the initiator of poly conversation, but he's warming up to the idea as he learns more about it...)

My biggest concern has to do with logistics... For the past six months, we've been long distance, and there isn't really a finite "end" date. We're both not really thrilled about that, but we're each living where we to pursue our careers, so that makes us happy. We've sort of taken the "we'll see what happens" approach, at least for the time being. We're not super far away, which is a relief, but it's still a 4-5 hour trip.

Enter polyamory. I introduced A (my boyfriend) to the concept about a month ago, and unfortunately we haven't been able to continue the conversation face-to-face since then. We've talked about it a bit on the phone, but have both been busy with work and moving, so the conversation hasn't been very in-depth. Just that we've been thinking about it, mulling it over, etc, and that (most) everything is in a positive light.

Obviously, we have a LOT to consider if/before we go down this road... I am curious to hear what you think about the practicality of starting out poly from a long-distance monogamous relationship. Is it a "good" idea? Does anyone have any experience with this? I can see some of the bumps in the road, but they don't seem impossible to overcome...

Thanks in advance,

N

Hi newdcgirl,

I think starting out poly from a long-distance monogamous relationship can be an okay way to go. In this case, the important thing is to make sure you visit A (your boyfriend) on some kind of regular basis. At least once a month I would think. And, keep in touch by phone and email or what have you, in between your in-person visits.

I also recommend posting on this forum and keeping us up-to-date on how things are going. This way we can offer you further advice and feedback as you go along.

Hope that helps for starters.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Hey Kevin,

Thanks for your response and warm welcome. I'm sorry for taking so long to write back. I've been super busy at work.

I'm glad to hear you think it could be an OK start to a polyamorous life while in a LDR... I've been a little nervous about dividing my time but overall feel positive about the idea.

Glad to have you with us.

Communication is important too, be sure to talk heart-to-heart often with A.

Warm regards,
Kevin T.

LDRs raise all sorts of inecurites --about oneself, the other person, the relationship. The first steps into polyamory raise all kinds of insecurities. Insecurities aren't additive, but multiplicative.

It's hardly impossible, but there's a HUGE learning curve, all at once.

IME, chances are much greater that one of you (maybe both) will "fall in love" with the first new sexual partner that comes along, because it's stabilizing.