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  #151  
Old 06-06-2010, 07:50 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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WOW-read it so differently.

Well-our situation.

Had a baby-bio child of my "secondary". The three of us are raising her together. She calls Maca (my primary) "daddy", but everyone in the family knows her genetics and it's not going to be a secret from her either. She's only 2 so she doesn't UNDERSTAND those details yet, but we don't lie, hide or pretend.

she's happy, we're happy....


IT REALLY depends on the details of the people involved how you handle it...
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  #152  
Old 06-06-2010, 07:51 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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In addition to all the poly people here who have kids and are doing an awesome job raising them in openly poly households, we also have a few members who were themselves raised in poly households who seem to be perfectly well-adjusted adults.

While I can't offer any personal experience, I can say with certainty that raising children in openly poly households does much more good than hiding it from them. Assuming you're practicing good communication and honesty, those skills and values will inevitably be passed on to your children, and nothing but good can come from that.

And of course, there's the fact that children thrive in loving situations, and the more love they have, the more they thrive. I also believe that children are much more resilient to change than grown-ups are, and we don't give them enough credit. The key is to explain what's going on and let them be heard, rather than making them into passive, powerless observers.
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  #153  
Old 06-06-2010, 11:49 AM
BlackRoses BlackRoses is offline
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married to my high school sweetheart for 16 yrs 4 children and we 've had a girlfriend of 6+ yrs,what do you think about us planning more kids wth our girlfriend
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  #154  
Old 06-06-2010, 03:00 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackRoses View Post
married to my high school sweetheart for 16 yrs 4 children and we 've had a girlfriend of 6+ yrs,what do you think about us planning more kids wth our girlfriend
Well, you say you have 4 children already, so HOPEFULLY you understand what that means !

Having children is not like buying new hedge trimmers ! It's a long term financial and emotional commitment. And you, as biological father, are responsible for that - PERMANENTLY !

{{put thinking cap on here}}}}

GS
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  #155  
Old 06-06-2010, 05:29 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Black Roses-

1. Is it going to put a financial strain on your family?
2. Are you ALL committed to a lifetime together NO MATTER WHAT?
3. Do you all want more kids?
4. Will it negatively impact anyone's ability to retire when they planned (something we had to consider as it does impact Maca's).
5. Are you "out" to the kids-this will be IMPORTANT for the mental health of the kids if you take this step (IMHO).

That's my thought for the day.

For us-it's been a BEAUTIFUL thing.
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  #156  
Old 06-06-2010, 06:58 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Until recently my being poly hasn't really been an issue as I didn't really have anyone to introduce the kids to any way.

Breathes has had outside love interests whom the kids have met as friends and they have accepted that explanation at face value.

We met when my guys were nine so they haven't always had the poly lifestyle in their lives. They've become LESS uptight about having friends over, and about meeting our friends, the more comfortable they got and the more mature they became.

Possibility is shy about showing affection in front of my kids but I think that's more so they won't go back to their dad with stories that could hurt me than being afraid to show affection.

I guess I'm trying to say that if you give them age appropriate information when they ask & give them the tools to deal with this information only good can come of it.
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  #157  
Old 06-06-2010, 08:32 PM
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BlackRoses, I honestly don't think it matters what we think We're not the ones who will have to raise them... What do YOU think about having other kids with your secondary?

In terms of it being with the secondary and not primary, I think this is the exact place where those kinds of labels stop being useful. You've been with her for 6 years, you both presumably love her (going by the usage "we've been with her" and not "I've been with her"), she's probably a part of your family, and you're now considering making babies together and raising your family together.

At what point does she get to become an equal partner in your family? Or will she never be allowed that privilege simply because she hasn't put in as much time as your wife?
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  #158  
Old 06-06-2010, 11:24 PM
BlackRoses BlackRoses is offline
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i think she will be a great mother,I just wanted to hear some common insight.
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  #159  
Old 06-06-2010, 11:32 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Do a tag search on here for "children", "family", keywords like that.

Here's some to get you started:

Tag Search for "children"

Tag Search for "family"

Keyword search for "children family"

You can also click on the tags at the end of the posts in any thread. I added some to this thread so you can see how it works.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-06-2010 at 11:34 PM.
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  #160  
Old 06-07-2010, 01:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
She calls Maca (my primary) "daddy",
LR, why does she call Maca daddy? What does she call GG?
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