Having Children with the secondary?

[BlackRoses]

Would like to hear about this topic from experienced triads and groups. What are the pros and cons we have discussed it and she does want to have children with me ,know what,i just need to hear opinions ,if you need more facts please ask?

[redpepper]

I'm not sure I understand what you are asking.....

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by redpepper

I'm not sure I understand what you are asking.....

I think the poster is a guy...
His current primary does not want kids
He does

Thats where I get fuzzy. Is he bringing in a secondary as a surrogate lover/birthing machine or does he have a secondary that wants kids, with him. And how to approach the primary....

Of course I could be completely wrong

[SchrodingersCat]

While the surrogate mother / baby machine at first sounds horrible, it got me thinking... I mean, there are some women out there who really want babies but don't want to be single parents. Wouldn't it be so much easier for those women to just be swooped up by a couple who can't have kids? Get to focus on your kids, but still have a boyfriend and a best friend and live with both of them, plust free babysitting? Just thinking out loud, being half-felicitous...

[LovingRadiance]

WOW-read it so differently.

Well-our situation.

Had a baby-bio child of my "secondary". The three of us are raising her together. She calls Maca (my primary) "daddy", but everyone in the family knows her genetics and it's not going to be a secret from her either. She's only 2 so she doesn't UNDERSTAND those details yet, but we don't lie, hide or pretend.

she's happy, we're happy....


IT REALLY depends on the details of the people involved how you handle it...

[BlackRoses]

married to my high school sweetheart for 16 yrs 4 children and we 've had a girlfriend of 6+ yrs,what do you think about us planning more kids wth our girlfriend

[GroundedSpirit]

Originally Posted by BlackRoses

married to my high school sweetheart for 16 yrs 4 children and we 've had a girlfriend of 6+ yrs,what do you think about us planning more kids wth our girlfriend

Well, you say you have 4 children already, so HOPEFULLY you understand what that means !

Having children is not like buying new hedge trimmers ! It's a long term financial and emotional commitment. And you, as biological father, are responsible for that - PERMANENTLY !

{{put thinking cap on here}}}}

GS

[LovingRadiance]

Black Roses-

1. Is it going to put a financial strain on your family?
2. Are you ALL committed to a lifetime together NO MATTER WHAT?
3. Do you all want more kids?
4. Will it negatively impact anyone's ability to retire when they planned (something we had to consider as it does impact Maca's).
5. Are you "out" to the kids-this will be IMPORTANT for the mental health of the kids if you take this step (IMHO).

That's my thought for the day.

For us-it's been a BEAUTIFUL thing.

[SchrodingersCat]

BlackRoses, I honestly don't think it matters what we think We're not the ones who will have to raise them... What do YOU think about having other kids with your secondary?

In terms of it being with the secondary and not primary, I think this is the exact place where those kinds of labels stop being useful. You've been with her for 6 years, you both presumably love her (going by the usage "we've been with her" and not "I've been with her"), she's probably a part of your family, and you're now considering making babies together and raising your family together.

At what point does she get to become an equal partner in your family? Or will she never be allowed that privilege simply because she hasn't put in as much time as your wife?

[BlackRoses]

i think she will be a great mother,I just wanted to hear some common insight.