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  #11  
Old 07-24-2009, 06:46 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
That's a lot different from feeling insecure about my lover/wife/husband sharing deep and even sexual intimacy with another, which is the main fear mono- types often have. That fear isn't necessary, of course. But knowing that is a learning curve process. It takes time!
With all respect, sometimes I really think people just don't get it. Polyamory simply isn't for every one, not everyone wants it or has the potential for it. Everything comes down to fear and insecurity when a mono voices that they simply aren't interested. It has apparently nothing to do with another view of commitment, needing intimate fidelity, and putting your partners heart before your own..that is how some people love. Mono needs are not selfish and always based on fear, they are simply different.

Some times you just have to go seperate ways.

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 07-24-2009 at 07:17 AM.
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  #12  
Old 07-24-2009, 03:13 PM
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River River is offline
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JM,

Very happy to know that you spoke with him and that there was a happy sort of response. We'd all like to know more when you are ready to share it.

MonoVCPHG,

There may well be some monogamous people who have learned and worked their way through the many issues, topics, feelings... which anyone transitioning from mono- to poly- in our culture will have to go through, but I think they are very rare, indeed.

In my own case, I've been mono- and had the typical mono- attitudes, fears, anxieties..., and then worked through that stuff over a period of years of what can only be called maturity. It is because I am more whole and mature that I don't fear and would not resist my partner choosing to share any kind of intimacy he wants with another. I think of this as progress. The thought of him loving another simply does not evoke ANY negative emotion in me! In fact, I'd be happy for and with him were this to occur, and would celebrate the happy event with him. And he'd do the same with me.

When we consider that millions of people in our society would immediately file for devorce, or some such thing, just for brinning the matter up.... Sheesh!

So, yes, there may be a few people out there who are monogamous and ALSO emotoinally mature and non-controlling and non-possessive, who encourage and support the freedom of their partners to be and express themselves.... But those aren't the people my words referred to. I was referring to those monogamous people who are fearful and unquestioning in relation to the popular "paradigm" of love in which only monogamous lovers are the real deal.
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  #13  
Old 07-24-2009, 03:23 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
But those aren't the people my words referred to. I was referring to those monogamous people who are fearful and unquestioning in relation to the popular "paradigm" of love in which only monogamous lovers are the real deal.
Point taken JRM. I encounter them often. I find most of them are falling to the wayside as friends because of there inability to accept my happiness.

Take care
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  #14  
Old 07-24-2009, 04:58 PM
Thespian Thespian is offline
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I've just joined the forum and posted a similar question in the Introductions forum ("rather scared newcomer"). I haven't even found a way to start the conversation yet ! How did you start it ?
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