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  #141  
Old 05-20-2010, 06:55 AM
May May is offline
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Thanks for your assurance, LovingRadiance

I am also quite confident that we are able to go on being honest to ourselves, each other and the children, so, though they will notice their family is different, they won't be bothered about the situation. In fact I grew up in a similar, poly-like family situation and I can't say it did me any harm nor did I ever feel ashamed about it. Quite the opposite: the way my parents handle their relationship and the relationships to others (lovers and friends) always impressed me and I must say I am really proud I grew up in such a cool family. I have some hope that our children think the same one day (even if they might not admit it to us ).
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  #142  
Old 06-04-2010, 09:16 PM
Celest Celest is offline
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polyamoury suits me fine. I like it, I like the ideals, the way it works and how happy I can be in this type of relationship.

one thing I can't settle with is children growing up in polyamoury relationships. I have a daughter, five years old who is used to being ina single-parent family.

I have a partner who although is unable to visit frequently, she has grown very attached to in a more parental way. He is in another relationship (no kids involved), and is very happy.

My daughter is aware and understanding of the two partners I have had over recent months and see's them as 'mummy's boyfriend'.

Not really looking for help on the matter -just don't really know how best to handle polyamoury where HER relationship with my partner/s is concerned.

So any previous experiences of your own would really jelp me to understand.

Thanks

celest
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  #143  
Old 06-05-2010, 11:16 AM
BlackRoses BlackRoses is offline
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Default Having Children with the secondary?

Would like to hear about this topic from experienced triads and groups. What are the pros and cons we have discussed it and she does want to have children with me ,know what,i just need to hear opinions ,if you need more facts please ask?
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  #144  
Old 06-05-2010, 05:46 PM
Anne Anne is offline
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Hi Celest,

when I started my "secondary" relationship with my boyfriend, I got pregnant from my husband a few months later. For me it was clear from the beginning that my boyfriend would be just another important person in my son´s life, so I asked him to be his godfather.

My son is one year old now, and we have all benefited a lot from the situation. My boyfriend helps us alot when he´s around, and enjoys being with the child.

So I think, if there are healthy relationships, there is a great chance to make a child´s world even richer, with more people caring for him or her in different ways (and, by the way, learning to be tolerant about the different kinds of people).

The only thing I ask myself is: How do they explain it at school/Kindergarten? Do you have experiences with situations like, your daughter mentions "mummy´s boyfriends", and you get some reactions to it?

Best wishes
Anne
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  #145  
Old 06-05-2010, 08:01 PM
Celest Celest is offline
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hey there

Thanks for sharing your experience.

At the moment, I'm only in one relationship. My partner (who is in two relationships) has become quite close with my daughter. I think I have an issue with 'traditional' family in particular. My daughter was brought up by myself and her father (a monogomous relationship) until we split. So she's starting to see my boyfriend now as more of a fatherly figure to herself.

What worries me is beginning another relationship and her not 'knowing' or feeling she should 'choose' who to relate to in that way - I still feel she needs a secure family unit and won't know how when I do have another partner.

When it comes to school and stuff - well, they already have lots of questions about my lifestyle! So I don't tend to worry too much about that - just giggle at them instead :P
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  #146  
Old 06-06-2010, 02:13 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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There are several posts where we have talked about this and other issues relating to kids. have you done a search and had a look around? I think that they might be helpful to you...

My story with Mono is an example. My boy is 7 and Mono came into our lives when he was 5. We have developed into a family of three adults and one child and my husband nerdist and I have other loves as well that have come and gone over that time. None of them have been seen by my boy as pivotal as Mono. They have been seen as family friends and that is worked out fine... mind you we are sure to not show affection around him in order to be respectful of that image in his mind.
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  #147  
Old 06-06-2010, 02:40 AM
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I'm not sure I understand what you are asking.....
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  #148  
Old 06-06-2010, 02:59 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm not sure I understand what you are asking.....
I think the poster is a guy...
His current primary does not want kids
He does

Thats where I get fuzzy. Is he bringing in a secondary as a surrogate lover/birthing machine or does he have a secondary that wants kids, with him. And how to approach the primary....

Of course I could be completely wrong
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  #149  
Old 06-06-2010, 06:50 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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While the surrogate mother / baby machine at first sounds horrible, it got me thinking... I mean, there are some women out there who really want babies but don't want to be single parents. Wouldn't it be so much easier for those women to just be swooped up by a couple who can't have kids? Get to focus on your kids, but still have a boyfriend and a best friend and live with both of them, plust free babysitting? Just thinking out loud, being half-felicitous...
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  #150  
Old 06-06-2010, 07:42 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I find it amusing how often we remind people to use the search feature.
Great feature by the way.

I have 4 kids. I'm also raising my Godson.

The kids are 18 1/2, 14, 13, 10, almost 3 respectively.
I've been in a poly family dynamic of one sort or another since the oldest was born though we never knew that term.

My husband and I have been OFFICIALLY poly with my boyfriend since last September.

The oldest is my child, the 14 yr old is my husbands, the 13 yr old is my Godson, the 10 year old is my husband and mine, the youngest child is biologically the child of my boyfriend and I. All of the kids know all of these details. Except the Godson who calls all of us adults by name, all of the kids call me "mom", they all call Maca "dad", they call GG by his given name and they call Em "auntie" or "mimi".

They are all WELL-aware of what Polyamory is (except the youngest who couldn't care less at this point). They are all happy, well-adjusted and very closely bonded with all four of us. They are secure and stable and SANE. They are well-behaved, responsible and well liked in the community. All in all these kids are "favorites" at friends homes because the parents are so impressed by how well adjusted and well behaved they are. They are favorites in extra curricular activities because the activity leaders know that they can ALWAYS count on adult support!

Our friends and their kids are also close with our family. Most of them are NOT poly famillies-but they accept our family AS IS and they all love to come over.

All in all-it's about how you deal with the kids. If it's "normal" for you-it's "normal" for them. If you treat it like there is something wrong with it-then they will too.
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