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Old 06-03-2010, 02:01 AM
Zahnfee Zahnfee is offline
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Red face New to poly, and difficult conversations...

Hello all, I hope to learn a little more about this lifestyle, lets just say I have a question or two.

A little about myself; I am 25, for the duration of my teen and adult life I have had a series of serious traditional monogamous relationships. This made me realize one thing, I am not cut out to "serve" one man. Being in such relationships gets monotonous, they fizzle out, they end. I am hoping to seek balance by helping myself and others find what they may need in a relationship by benefiting from the qualities of more than one person at a time.

The question which is most pressing at this time is about my current boyfriend, I have been trying to figure out how to tell him whats on my mind. I am almost positive that he would be open to it, I just don't know how to initiate this kind of conversation...any words of encouragement would be helpful.

I look forward to talking with you all!

G

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-04-2010 at 03:52 PM.
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Old 06-03-2010, 02:11 AM
wench wench is offline
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hi, I am in the same boat pretty much, except I'm married... http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html has been helpful as well as reading a lot of posts on here... the best quote i found was "If you are not happy in your relationship, you're not going to make your partner happy."
I am researching some more and talking to a few people before I talk to him about it, because I know he won't be as open to it, but when I do I will try to come let you know how it went or what worked/didn't...
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  #3  
Old 06-04-2010, 02:49 AM
Zahnfee Zahnfee is offline
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Welp...it looks like that question is no longer valid...I just ended our relationship...
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Old 06-04-2010, 09:06 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zahnfee View Post
A little about myself; I am 25, for the duration of my teen and adult life I have had a series of serious traditional monogamous relationships. This made me realize one thing, I am not cut out to "serve" one man. Being in such relationships gets monotonous, they fizzle out, they end.
I honestly don't think the "fizzle" is a monogamous issue. It's a dating issue that can happen to anyone.

I think it's a "finding the right person" issue. All my past relationships fizzled within 6-8 months, basically when the "honeymoon phase" ended. Around here, that's called NRE or New Relationship Energy. And after that is when you see if you're really a good couple or just having fun with someone new and exciting. The first time it happened, we dragged it out to a full year, spending the last 4 months of it just fighting all the time. Since then, I've learned to listen to that voice that says "you're getting boring, I'm done with this" :P

What's important for you, I think, is to never try and force any of your relationships to work if you feel that they've fizzled. Just accept when they come to their natural end.

I hate to sound all Ann Landers, but there is someone (or several someones) out there whom you will love more and more with every year, and if you waste time forcing an expired relationship to work, you'll miss out on that person (or those people).

At the same time, if you start dating other people before ending a fizzled relationship, your partner will likely feel as though they were left "for" that person and not because the relationship had reached its natural end.
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-04-2010 at 03:52 PM.
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  #5  
Old 06-04-2010, 03:29 PM
wench wench is offline
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I am sorry to hear that Zahnfee... hopefully being able to start future relationships with your newly found self knowledge will increase your chances of happiness
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