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  #11  
Old 06-02-2010, 10:25 PM
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I posted this else where and thought I would expand on it here.

Possibility and I might be adding a couple of days a month to what we currently have with each other :d!

He asked last night if there were another night during the week when we could have some more time together. After going over my and Breathes' schedule I realized that every other Thursday is available! YEAH!

I asked Breathes about it because he IS my primary and as such has a right to know and it would be taking time away from OUR time. He hasn't been getting any down time for himself over the last couple of months so he jumped at it! lol
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  #12  
Old 06-05-2010, 02:28 PM
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I have learned something today. It's actually quite a huge revelation.

I have learned that the reasons I was having problems with jealousy in my primary relationship were: 1. It WAS early in our relationship so I didn't have a solid foundation to work from & 2. since it WAS early I didn't have the reassurances from him that he wasn't going to go any where.

We have, over the last five years, built that foundation and it just keeps getting stronger the longer we're together.

There have been problems, don't get me wrong, but we've worked through them TOGETHER. We've talked like the adults we are. We haven't degenerated to name calling and yelling. He's logical & I'm emotional, we balance each other out.

My lightbulb moment came when he actually told me that he CHOSE to come home to me each night. He didn't come home because He felt it was an obligation, He came home because He WANTED to! That was a HUGE revelation and now I understand why .

Things are slowly falling into place in my mind and I'm happy about that because it means I'm slowly becoming more and more happy with myself and my relationships.

It's been a long road to get to the place where I'm happy with myself and I'm more than willing to keep up the hard work in order to continue being happy.
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  #13  
Old 06-06-2010, 12:26 PM
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My viewpoint of polyamory may be a bit different from other people. I was in a mentally abusive relationship where I wasn't allowed to have friends of any sort & it was a major accomplishment for me to do groceries by myself! For me poly is about the freedom to have FRIENDS, to be alone when I want or need to be, to be around others when I want or need to be, to NOT have someone policing my every action and word trying to figure out the hidden meaning with everything!

The only good thing to come out of that time in my life is my kids! Well, I guess I did get some insight into myself and what I didn't want in my life but I didn't see it that way at the time.

My POV is changing, slowly, to include other loves and chosen family but I'm not rushing it. I am just enjoying the freedom to be me, a whole me, that can come & go as I please, have friends, have conversations without someone listening in and to have thoughts and feelings and dreams of my own that don't include *do I HAVE to tell him this or can I just go and do it!* I do tell Breathes but that's because I want to, I don't want him to worry. I would have told the ex simply because he would have called me every five minutes until I walked in the door at home because he couldn't stand the thought that I might actually be having *gasp* fun! I might have an original thought &, horror of horrors, might actually have the gall to have a conversation with someone in a place where he couldn't hear it! He's the reason I got my first cell phone. I could actually go outside and away from the house to carry on a conversation! The draw back? He could call me *sigh*. Once I walked in the door he'd grill me about what I did, who I talked to, who said what to and about whom, etc.

Yeah, I'm learning what freedom is really about. I'm learning what a healthy relationship is. I'm learning what a healthy Robin is.
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Old 07-31-2010, 06:45 PM
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I was just reading through some of my older posts and discovered I have come a long way during the last five years!

At first I definitely wanted the freedom to do and be what I wanted & needed to but I was scared to do it. Eleven years of mental & emotional abuse will do that to a person.

It's OK to be scared though. It gives you a reason to do some self introspection, to learn who you are and why those things scare you and what you can do to not have them scare you any more.

I've come from being a gal just out of a bad relationship who was scared to talk to anybody for fear they would think I was some unmentionable thing to someone who WILL talk to others once she gets over her shyness or uncomfortableness in certain situations.

I owe some of it to my first Master. He gave me the support I needed to get out of that situation by getting an apartment of my own. He & I parted ways a long while ago but I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him because of that.

I owe a lot of it to Breathes. He's been my support for the last five years. He lets me vent and rant when I need to & doesn't hold it against me in any way--he doesn't throw it back in my face at a later date--it happens, it's over and forgotten. He makes me laugh when I don't really feel like there's a bright spot left in my life. He lets me explore who I am in the poly world, the BDSM world and the vanilla world without judging me. He offers guidance & support in any of my endeavors without telling me I can't do anything, or even making me FEEL like I can't do anything I put my mind to.

I love him to the depths of my soul & I don't think I could ever give back to him even a fraction of what he's given me.

Some of it I owe to my own precious self. I've come a very long way indeed since I left the ex. I've learned that it IS ok to have friends without having to report everyone's comings & goings to anyone. As long as I'm happy with myself then that's all I really need, the rest is just cream cheese icing on the cake!
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  #15  
Old 09-16-2010, 01:00 AM
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Default ARggggg @ workplace politics!

I love my job.

I love my job.

I love my job.

Management & people who are abusing union steward privileges on the other hand...........

I got shifted to night shift starting this past Sunday night. My being sent to nights is contractually wrong since the contract states that as long as the worker is willing and capable of doing the assigned job they can stay on their preferred shift. The plant manager was interpretting this clause differently than the rest of us.

The union steward causing all of this (probably representing someone else) has a mouth as big as the state of Texas & all the creatures in it. She was telling people last Wednesday night that I was going to night shift. I hadn't even been informed of the move yet! That information is supposed to remain confidential. ANYTHING said/done in the office is supposed to be confidential. It is also morally & ethically wrong! If I want people to know my business I will tell them myself. I have a mouth and know how to use it for myself

This situation will soon be corrected since I can do any job this department offers AND I have 21 years under my belt there!

I am dumbfounded by how little these management types know about these jobs! (In manager's defense he did just start the job in May) I was told by the chief Steward this morning that he could have gotten me a different job for this week if I had my tow motor license. I did that job for about ten years without the license & the afternoon shift lady does it without as well even now, & she's nearing retirement. I have never been offered to go for my license. I can do the job & if the tow motor is needed I know how to find one of the drivers & organize things so that I can get everything I need done efficiently & still leave them more than enough time to get their job done as well. *sigh*

I now know why I tend to sit by myself during break.....no gossip, no politics & that's where I get the majority of my serious thinking done, lol.

The lady causing all of this strife is looking at one clause & totally ignoring the one which is directly above it! The one she's going by is correct in a different set of circumstances. ie. If I didn't know the other jobs or didn't have the seniority THEN I would have to go to my last posted position which was night shift. I never have liked her very much & now even less so.

Brighter spots in my life.

Breathes loves me. He's just as stressed over this as I am. I become a cranky bitch when I'm not sleeping properly.

Possibility loves me . He's anxious about this as well.

I got to spend most of Sunday afternoon with Possibility! woot! We were watching the kidlets but once they went down for a nap....I don't think we've ever been so relaxed together.
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  #16  
Old 09-24-2010, 03:44 PM
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Springboard time.

We used to have a one penis policy in our household. I am selectively bi-sexual so this wasn't a particularly big issue, at least until I wasn't finding anyone else to date who was interesting/interested in me & was relatively drama free.

I wasn't particularly worried about it because I was quite happy, for the most part, with having Breathes as my only partner. I didn't think I could be happier.

I have since learned how wrong I was, I could be happier.

A couple or three years ago Possibility asked me if I would consider being his tertiary. I discussed it with Breathes. He had some initial concerns centering around sexual health (Possibility is a bi-sexual male) but agreed on principal.

After discussing Breathes' concerns with Possibility he understood & took the steps to get testing done as well as doctor visits, etc. While waiting for results to come back we proceeded in getting to know each other better. We cuddled & watch movies, talked, cuddled some more, took some breaks for non-relationship issues & have come through even stronger and better friends.

We still haven't had sex but, ya know what? That's ok. Sex isn't the be all & end all of MY relationships. There's so much more to them. There's the friendship first and foremost. If I can't be friends with my lovers, have fun with them outside the bedroom, then what do I have? A loveless, friendshipless acquaintance, that's all.

Yes, sex is fun & interesting & a great stress reliever (THAT'S what I need to relieve this work stress! SEX! lol) but we have so much more together! Breathes & I, Possibility & I, Possibility's Primary partners & I, his kids & I (their faces light up when I walk in (they're nearly 4 & 14 mos)), Possibility & Breathes, Possibility's other partners & I (haven't met them yet, hopefully in June).....we're a big family who just happen to have different residences. Possibility, his primary partners & Breathes all play D&D together for peats sake, lol. They get along really well, for which I will be eternally grateful. I don't know how I would be able to handle it if they didn't get along.

I am slowly getting to the point where I can open my heart, not just my head, to him. It took me nearly three years to tell Breathes that I love him. I've been burned before & I guess I'm a *wee* (sarcasm implied) bit superstitious. My head tells me that once I admit to someone that I love them the relationship starts turning sour & eventually ends painfully. I know it doesn't really work that way but sometimes I just can't dial down my brain & follow my heart.

I sometimes feel guilty that I can't tell Possibility that I love him. I do & that love is growing bit by bit. I have explained to him why I can't say it yet & he's ok with that. He tells me that he loves me quite often & doesn't expect to hear it in return. I will be very happy the day I can admit it to him though. That will be one more barrier out of the way.

Possibility is VERY understanding. Even after he messed up, nearly ending things between us, he gave me the space I needed to come to terms & forgive. He didn't push things. I'd get the occasional hello but nothing overt or pushy or anything. Even when I eventually initiated contact again he didn't push, he let me take things at a speed I was comfortable with. I was super cautious which meant super slow (a snail would have reached the same conclusions quicker, lol) he was great about it. He didn't push for cuddles or hugs or kisses or anything. He was just.....there......an island in the middle of a turbulent ocean.....waiting for me to reach a place where I could go a little further & a little further & a little further until now where we are comfortable (maybe it's I'm comfortable) giving hugs & kisses in front of our partners, being semi-nude, together or singly. We are just able to be with each other. Be our individual selves & as a couple.

How did I get so lucky as to have two of the most wonderful men on the face of the earth in my life?
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  #17  
Old 10-08-2010, 01:45 AM
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I sent the above post to both partners. It seems Possibility needed a warning, lol. It brought tears to his eyes. He was at work so that's not quite as ok as it would have been had he been at home.

That post was the springboard for my being able to verbally tell Possibility that I do love him . Mr. SmartyPants (Possibility) pointed out that my putting it in print was, in effect, still telling him that I love him, lol. That post made it easier for my to tell him with the spoken word just a couple of days later *sigh*.

Breathes was relieved that I'm happy & love him . That's all that mattered to him *sigh*.

Things are moving forward. Sometimes dragging, sometimes jumping, sometimes running or leaping but always moving forward.

We have now finally incorporated some D/s into our relationship. I'm happy about the change but a little apprehensive. It's been a lot of years since I allowed my Dominant side some lee way & it's not wanting to go into hiding again any time soon.

I worry that I won't be able to submit to Breathes. *sigh*

I will find that happy medium once I take the time needed to sort things out.

Possibility & I have all day Monday together, well from @ 8-3 any way. Oh my the things my brain is thinking that I could do to him .

It's nearly time for me to sign off. I'm getting tired & I seem to recall the request for a back & foot rub not so long ago......my achy back is reminding me, lol.
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Old 10-09-2010, 10:45 AM
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Life is what it is. More people need to remember this.

We can't control what other people do around us. For the most part we can't control what people say on this forum. We can, however, control how we react to what those other people are saying and doing.

I really enjoy this forum, the insight, the thoughtfulness, the differing personalities and attitudes, the totally different perspectives coming from so many different people....

What I don't like is that with so many different people and perspectives there's bound to be drama at some point in time. I try to stay out of this drama. I try not to let it suck me in. I try to remain neutral or not reply to the drama threads at all.

Now, on to some happier stuff.

Breathes had an interview yesterday! YAY! He's been unhappy in his current job for quite a while. The laughter and fun has gone out of his eyes. His mouth and body are saying all the right things but his eyes tell the truth of where he is truly at. Yesterday was the first day in a very long time that he has been really happy and all it took was an interview!

I've felt guilty over the last few months. Guilty that I have another partner and he doesn't. Guilty that I've found someone I love and love to be with just as much as I love and love to be with Breathes.

I was able to talk to Breathes about it yesterday. I had finally figured out what the little niggling feeling in the back of my brain was telling me. To my surprise he's had the same feelings when it's been him with another partner and me without. He pointed out that if it were really bothering him he does have a FWB that he could go to if he felt the need. She's not my favorite person, doesn't even make the top 100, but he does have someone to turn to if he finds he needs those needs met. That makes me feel a bit better. What would make me feel 1000% better would be for him to have another partner.

I realize that finding another partner isn't the easiest thing in the world to do, especially for people who don't necessarily get out and about and do things just for the sake of doing something. I'm going to do this today if it kills me!

There's a fireman's challenge downtown today. I was supposed to go with a friend, unfortunately it's during the hours she has to work *sigh*. I'm going to pack up the camera, grab a backpack and go have some single fun! BTW the cam is so my friend can live it vicariously, not to mention I can then poke fun at her, lol. Besides, who doesn't want pix of some hunky firemen, or women, on their computer? lol

Possibility....where to start? He's just totally awesome! He's so patient, loving and kind! He chose me to have as another partner . I'm so glad he did. At first he was just so very shy and nervous. His shyness and nervousness was very endearing in the beginning...cute even. As he's gotten more comfortable around me he's been able to relax more. What drives me nuts though is he's a severe multitasker. His brain goes in a thousand different directions, and his body wants to follow, at the same time so it's hard for him to settle down to one thing. It's not the multitasking so much as it is the lack of attention that bothers me.

I have discovered the trigger, or one of them any way, to send him into submissive mode where his mind calms down and he's able to really relax and concentrate on one task at a time. I'm really looking forward to bringing him to his knees on Monday , calming him down and really getting into things we've only talked about so far. We're going to get our freak on! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mmmmmmmmmm my two loves who are second only to my kids in my heart . Does it get any better than this? Only time will tell I guess & I'm very eager to continue on this journey of self discovery and joint discovery.

Every time I have a chance to look within myself I discover that I've come so very far in the last nearly six years! I've gone from an emotionally & mentally battered woman who didn't think she deserved happiness to a self confident woman who KNOWS she deserves happiness & woe-betide anyone who tells her different!

It's been a hard road to become the woman I am but ya know what? I'd do it all over again if it meant I would like and love myself as no one else can or does. Self confidence is a wonderful thing, no?
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Last edited by Breathesgirl; 10-09-2010 at 10:54 AM. Reason: clarity
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  #19  
Old 10-10-2010, 03:45 AM
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Thanks for sharing all of this
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  #20  
Old 10-10-2010, 03:18 PM
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Thankx Mono . We see so many people asking how to solve or fix a problem I figured they might appreciate seeing that it all really can work, even if they do have to work through their own baggage.

Yesterday Breathes went to visit a friend then out for coffee & just hanging out with another friend. I went to a strongman competition which got me outside into the beautiful Thanksgiving weekend/Oktoberfest weather! (Something's wrong with our weather by the way. It's supposed to be cold and rainy for the next eight days! NOT warm and sunny!) The sun was out, the air was warm, the breeze was comforting. I texted with Possibility most of the day and then helped him move a couple of bookshelves from his Mom's to his place! It was really quite a wonderful, and out of the ordinary for me, day! I came home & had a gentle come down from the day before Breathes & friend got home. Put some green beans in the slow cooker for today's dinner & spent the rest of the evening relaxing with some wonderful company!

Today though is a totally different kettle of fish, lol. We're having our family Thanksgiving dinner today. This means I do half the cooking here, my brother does half at his place then we all gather at Dad's, finish off the last few things an eat!
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