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Old 06-02-2010, 09:43 PM
wench wench is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 14
Default confused but becoming less so...

Hello everyone! I am not sure where to start... after reading about 15 pages of posts I think I should be labeled as a serial monogamist but think I would prefer an open poly relationship...

I have 2 girls from high school relationships. At this time I am still friends with both fathers. I was married at 22 for about 7 years to a jealous possessive husband (I remained faithful until the end) who sat around all day drinking heavily, playing video games while I worked overtime. I finally left him when the throwing stuff around all the time because he was upset trickled down to my daughter doing the same things.

I was stupid and jumped right into a relationship with a younger friend because I needed the carefree fun that he could give me. It wasn’t long before I realized it was a mistake, and tried to make it work for a few more months. Then I really connected with someone who made me feel wonderful, he was responsible *and* fun loving, good with the kids… I ended things quickly with the younger guy (he said later he had seen it coming for a while) and fell head over heels for my now husband. Fast forward to 6 months after we married, I’ve had some medical issues and he feels helpless, he’s getting more stressed and grumpy all the time, sliding into the throwing things around sometimes that I don’t want around my kids… he’s working on it but after putting up with it for so long I have a shorter fuse for juvenile behavior from a 33 year old. Things are working towards being better.

I reconnected with an old friend a few months ago – I had had a crush on him when I had dated his friend before my first marriage, we had cuddled on the couch, but I stopped anything else from happening because I was 19/20 and knew nothing about open relationships (found out my bf at the time would have been all for it). We start talking more and more often, telling each other funny jokes, catching up on the last 8 years, and he is so positive and upbeat about everything, he makes me smile, and I realize I am caring a lot for this guy. He is starting to care for me. I am not working due to my medical issues so actually have the time to think about it instead of shoving it to the back burner.

Now I was raised fairly sheltered and didn’t know much about open/poly relationships, I am friends with a couple who are happily poly and still friends after all the years cut off by my ex husband who forbid me to see them(said they’d be a bad influence, guess he saw the poly in me before I did lol). I guess I am still trying to figure out what I want to do… I love them both, still wrapping my mind around that being okay, but my husband is hard-wired mono… I don’t know what will happen, but whether I do it now or later he needs to know this is how I feel, sooner being better before I feel too unhappy and restricted as I don’t want him to feel this is his fault at all. I know after talking with my friend I feel lighter and more able to deal with the stress my husband brings home, like the feelings I have for the both of them are building up and supporting my love for each individual… I don’t want to hurt my husband but I have felt like this for so long, just kept dealing with it by breaking off the relationships even if they weren’t bad… I want to not do that now *sigh* but in a conversation about a friend of a friend recently, my hubby said he didn’t think he could do open relationships like this couple was… I feel like I've been doing what others want as long as I'm okay with it, even if it's not necessarily what I want...

Later this evening I will have a good talk with my poly friend and see what advice she has, but would also welcome any advice or comments from people who have gone through the whole coming out to your mono other or other similar stories, heck any advice now would help me sort through this mess! thank you!

Last edited by wench; 06-03-2010 at 03:57 AM. Reason: add details
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