Poly Lessons We've Learned

[saudade]

RP- I appreciate your perspective, and that you have a system that works for your relationships. Yay for respecting emotions, and different flavors of poly!

[Ariakas]

Thanks for putting a list like this together. Its easy reflection...I am a list guy so this works ....

As for what I have learned...hmmmm...my only take away is to be myself...I don't have success but its been proof that I need to trust myself and my instincts...

thanks guys

[DharmaBum23]

Things I've learned.

1. Be very very careful who you trust and who you get close to.

2. Even if you learn lesson #1, it is almost a certainty that you will get hurt. Maybe even very badly.

3. Compersion is highly overrated and too much emphasis on it can make you crazy(i.e., "Why am I irritated that I came home to my SO having sex with her OSO on my couch!?! What's wrooong with me!?!?").

3a. "Frubble" is one of the lamest words in the English language.

4. Sometimes when you try to get something and you can't get it, the reason you don't get it is mostly to do with you. Other times it is because of things beyond your control. Most of the time, though, the reason you can't get something is because of a little bit of both.

[Derbylicious]

Define frubble please

[DharmaBum23]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

Define frubble please

To quote Our Lady of Quick Defintions, under the Entry for "Compersion".

Originally Posted by Wikipedia

The adjective frubbly and the noun frubbles are sometimes used, in the poly community in the United Kingdom and the United States, to describe the feeling of compersion. These terms are more suited to cheerful, light-hearted conversation, and they are more grammatically versatile, for example: "I'm feeling all frubbly" and "Their relationship fills me with frubbles".

This word, btw, brought me closer to becoming monogamous again than anything else.

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

Define frubble please

The adjective frubbly and the noun frubbles are sometimes used, in the poly community in the United Kingdom and the United States, to describe the feeling of compersion.[7] These terms are more suited to cheerful, light-hearted conversation, and they are more grammatically versatile, for example: "I'm feeling all frubbly" and "Their relationship fills me with frubbles"

Its the adjective for compersion

I personally used to find grok to be the most annoying word used...this coming from a long time geek, poly etc. Grok should be THE word...and it annoys me to see it...

I think frubble just passed that. What are we, cartoon characters?

[DharmaBum23]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

Its the adjective for compersion

I personally used to find grok to be the most annoying word used...this coming from a long time geek, poly etc. Grok should be THE word...and it annoys me to see it...

I think frubble just passed that. What are we, cartoon characters?

Yeah, grok isn't something I'm a fan of either. Mostly because in order for someone to really understand the word they have to read Stranger in a Strange Land.

But frubble. Ugh. I tend to use that word in my circle when referring to unrealistic compersion expectations(i.e., if you find out that the SO that you have a house with has met the person of their dreams and is leaving you to be with them. And is taking the house. And the kids. And your dog. A proper response would be, "Well I'm just all frubbly for you!") or when making bad role playing game references to poly("I'm sorry honey, but my frubble is low so I need to get a blue mana potion. ")

Or it is mentioned from time to time on Poly Weekly.

[Ariakas]

I actually know Grok from the hackers handbook. Obviously written decades later. Geeks adopted it to mean all knowing, or all understanding of a topic

I grok TCPIP...

Of course in hacker/geek circles, you had better be able to back that up hahaha

[redpepper]

Its important not to judge other peoples level of depth in their relationships against your own....

after all, not everyone is in poly relationships because they want depth. Some just want company but otherwise want to do their own thing, some have never reached any depth and have no gage with which to compare it to and others just simply have not met someone that makes them feel there is a world of depth to be achieved with them in their lives so why make it more serious than need be.

For me it's all about depth. I don't do relationships half way. I can. But I prefer to work towards a bond that lasts a lifetime in the form of deep connected love. It simply is not like this for everyone.

I was told by a friend that not everyone wants a life time or even anything longer than the pursuit of a lover and the NRE. After that it's time to move on. I can see this being fun... but not for me.

I feel judged sometimes by those close to me in my local community that I am not interested in dating everyone. I have not left this open as an option and have found that some are simply uninterested in hanging out with me as a result... perhaps its because they don't know how to act around me? I don't know. Why am I not asked to do things with just because I am not relationship worthy in a sexual sense? I don't see why friends cant be close without having sex. I have close friends that I am physically close with and don't have sex with... there is a level of depth there, but not as much as those I have sex with. Why judge that though??

I'm off on a tangent of questions that can't be answered I don't think....again, Its important not to judge other peoples level of depth in their relationships against your own.... I want a few loves of great depth, others want endless lovers with little depth... end of story, it's just different for everyone.

[saudade]

(Wibbles and Frubbles piss me off too.)

I actually love 'grok', and while it's pretty necessary to read Stranger in a Strange Land to get its full flavor, I can do a fast synopsis for those who can't/won't read it.

HEINLEIN SPOILER ALERT:
grok: Martian verb, literally 'to drink'. Abstract translations include (but are not limited to): 'to have sex with', 'to understand fully', 'to know and cherish the whole of', 'to accept'.

There's an idea in Stranger... that grokking someone, 'knowing them in fullness', is partially achieved through sex. A traditional phrase upon grokking someone through a meaningful sexual encounter is 'Thou art god'. I find that beautiful, and truthful, in that I see a side of each love in my constellation through sexual intimacy that I would not see otherwise.

If you can't stand Heinlein, I don't mind. He's dogmatic and idealistic to the point of naivete, but I still cry every time I read the last few chapters.