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  #21  
Old 05-23-2010, 03:24 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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Love Eddie Izzard!! What are your concerns?
Yeah, he was great!


My concerns... well, I just don't think that making this a true triad in on the radar. Like I said, I have talked to my wife who is respectful of my desire but isn't keen on the idea, at least at this point. .. her gf has not been made aware of it from either of us. I have wondered if she has any idea but I really don't know. I am close to the gf so perhaps it is a discussion that the two of us should have. I am mostly afraid of doing the wrong thing & not being able to undo it... I would rather do nothing if it screws up what is in place now... hb
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  #22  
Old 05-24-2010, 03:29 PM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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Yeah, he was great!


My concerns... well, I just don't think that making this a true triad in on the radar. Like I said, I have talked to my wife who is respectful of my desire but isn't keen on the idea, at least at this point. .. her gf has not been made aware of it from either of us. I have wondered if she has any idea but I really don't know. I am close to the gf so perhaps it is a discussion that the two of us should have. I am mostly afraid of doing the wrong thing & not being able to undo it... I would rather do nothing if it screws up what is in place now... hb
You never know. I think that any conversations you have need to be with your wife first. Remember, things have to go along the time lines of the person who's least comfy. You've already said that you're taking it as it comes and I completely think that's the best course of action. It took my wife and I 6 years before we got to the point where we could invite someone into our home and our marriage. While the wait seemed like forever, it was totally worth it.

You can't do the wrong thing if you talk about it with your wife. That's why I'm such a fan of communication. You know exactly where she stands and how she feels and the same can be said about you. Honesty is the best policy and that's even more so in a poly relationship.
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  #23  
Old 05-24-2010, 03:50 PM
texaschick texaschick is offline
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I have to say Caprica, in many ways your 'poly' experience sounds similar to my own. Happily married, involved with a friend of both of ours.

We are not a formal triad by any stretch of the imagination, but it works so well (most days, unless me or my friend are feeling emotional then it gets dicey). We also are not in an 'out' poly relationship. We have not shared with anyone really.I agree just taking it day by , and following the natural progression is the best way to go. It will have it's up & downs but I think any relationship does.

So far we have had our situation for a year and a half with no major issues.
After 17 months of an emotional and physical relationship with my friend, I just started coming to terms with the whole 'poly' thing about 6 months ago. Until then I just tortured myself. I think if you stay honest, about what you and your spouse both want and let it progress it will be fine.

Good Luck to you!
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  #24  
Old 05-26-2010, 03:52 AM
caprica caprica is offline
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thnks for your input danny & texaschick...

I really don't know what else I can do to push it along so I won't. My wife knows how I feel & I really can't do much more than that right now. Like I said she isn't especially keen on the idea right now & I haven't a clue how our friend feels about me except that we get along very well. It is difficult for me not knowing if our friend would be accepting of a triad relationship, along with my wife's position. If it was just time, then bring it on!, but I don't even know if the interest is there... I am starting to face the fact that my wife does not want a true triad relationship & I will have to accept it. I wish she really understood what a positive experience the idea has been for me. hb
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  #25  
Old 05-26-2010, 01:45 PM
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thnks for your input danny & texaschick...

I really don't know what else I can do to push it along so I won't
I think this is the best course of action. If you push the issue your wife may think you have ulterior motives.
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  #26  
Old 05-26-2010, 01:54 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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I think this is the best course of action. If you push the issue your wife may think you have ulterior motives.
Yes... I think once I settle down a bit emotionaly I will be able to stay the course. I must say that at present, it is a good situation. I would just like to see it "grow" down the road. hb
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  #27  
Old 05-26-2010, 02:39 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Default Hello and thanks for your story

This thread has given me a lot to think about, so thanks for that. While our situations are not quite the same, you have given me insight on how my husband may be feeling about a lady in our lives.

He, like you, is supportive of my relationship with her, but it is clear he is just waiting for the word to share that with us. When we all first started talking about the possibilities, we all kissed and cuddled together, and it was wonderful, but it wasn't quite right yet. She and I did lots of talking after that and have grown very close and developed hard-won trust between us, that has blossomed into a physical relationship. It's terrible how women are taught to be in constant combat with each other, and I think that has a lot to do with it.

The advice you've been getting would be right on if it were about my situation. I know my husband longs for that closeness with us together, but I think I need time to settle in, because it's such an emotional ride being so loved by him and not wanting to threaten our beautiful marriage, being so wanted by her in a way I've never been mature enough to appreciate before
and at the same time coming to terms with their attraction for each other- it's a lot.

Have fun with it. There are lots of creative ways you can experience the passion between them. And it is very important to not only tell, but show her that you are supportive of and turned on by the connection you feel to both of them. It blows my mind more than anything else when my husband sincerely supports my journey and is excited about it, because he trusts me to keep him safe and well loved.
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  #28  
Old 05-26-2010, 06:18 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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rarechild, thanks. I very much appretiate you sharing your story... it does help, especially coming from another perspective.

My wife just isn't ready to see me with another woman, even if it's her girlfriend/my good friend. She didn't rule it out in the future but I am afraid that my chance may have come & gone... or will come & go... make sense? just don't know. Although it has been a great experience for me, I have had difficult days emotionally & have found it hard to hide. ...working on it.

I am planning a two+ day motorbike trip to get away & clear my head. I think it will do me wonders to get away from the situation & be able to reflect on it without distractions..

And, I will take your advice & continue to treat them well as I have been all along.

...hb
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  #29  
Old 05-26-2010, 08:04 PM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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Just a question. Have you been talking to your wife about your feelings? As the feelings come up?
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  #30  
Old 05-26-2010, 08:39 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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Originally Posted by Danny40179 View Post
Just a question. Have you been talking to your wife about your feelings? As the feelings come up?
Yes I have. I first informed her of my fondness for our friend a few weeks ago & have discussed it a few times since, sometimes with frustrating results for me. The last time we discussed it was about a week ago or so... before that I was beating around the bush somewhat but the last talk I was able to "say it".. "I want the three of us to have a more intimate relationship".

This was a breakthrough for me. It felt good to "spit it out".. lol. My wife is an awsome gal & she was very understanding, however I still think that we aren't on the same page ... yet. I explained to her that it was about the three of us & not me wandering off into another relationship. We agreed to let things evolve naturally. Still though, I don't think that she currently has any interest in my involvement as a triad relationship... I hope that time & my patients will pay off ...hb

Last edited by caprica; 05-26-2010 at 08:45 PM.
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