Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 05-25-2010, 12:36 AM
HulkSmash HulkSmash is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1
Default I have some questions....

There are a few things that I want to ask. First. I realize that by not listening to #1's boundaries I in-fact cheated on her. Not my intention- frankly I thought she would not mind at all. I thought that by her telling me she felt uncomfortable with me having a sexual relationship she was in tern trying to control my actions and prevent me from being WHO i am. I didn't realize that she truly was not ready- I should have listened. Hind sight...like they say is 20/20. Now, I cannot change the past but I would like to find a way to fix it. I see that many other couples have gone through the same type of issue- so if anyone has any pointers or suggestions please send them my way. I find myself at a loss of what to do because she doesn't let her self see how I am trying to make things better. How can you show someone you love them if they wont let you- because they have a wall up....
Secondly. How do I approach the situation I have created with the introduction of #2. I realize that I am the sole reason why #1 cannot feel comfortable with #2. And I feel terrible that I not only caused pain to myself but two people that I love and care for. What do I do...I don't want #2 to feel like I used her or that I have no regard for her feelings. #2 and I are not speaking as requested by #1... fully understandable...but it doesn't change that it is hard. Again, how do I make things right...without causing any unnecessary pain?
Third. I am interested in another woman. Refer to her as #3. And I was surprised that #1 was accepting of the idea and possibility. #1 did say that things needed to move slowly, and although I am struggling with my inner demons of being "controlled" by another person (especially a woman) I can accept when she tells me she NEEDS things to move slowly. I am sure others have found themselves in this same position... how do you cope with your own demons...and compromising without seeming like your pushing something on someone.... am I making sense?
Lastly. How do you approach a new relationship interest and explain to them the poly lifestyle? I do not want to scare her away or make her think that I do not care just because I care for other women...I want to explain it in a way that makes sense to someone who may be in the dark about this type of lifestyle. (Even though I don't think she is ) I just want to go about it in the right way. Again I do not want to cause any unnecessary pain for myself, #1, #2 or a possible #3....
Thanks for listening.
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:11 PM.