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Old 05-24-2010, 02:46 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 96
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First, a little bit of background.

I've been practicing poly constantly for about 5 years or so. Part of the consequences of the dating network I am a part of is that it is difficult for my primary partner to meet my physical needs(which I discussed them with a therapist and was told that these needs were entirely modest and reasonable. I can be more explicit via edit if that is appropriate but I don't want to be offensive).

After some negotiation on my primary partner's part we decided it would be ok for me to have another partner that I dated on my own(as my primary is very close to "poly-saturated" and doesn't have time to add someone else that her and I dated together).

Since we came to that arrangement three years ago I have tried to date. It hasn't quite been a wild success. I have been able to find dates occasionally but, without exception, they don't work out well. The reason for this varies depending on the person. The woman wanted to have sex much faster than either myself or my primary were comfortable with(like a matter of days). I couldn't connect to the woman or she me(usually because the woman was an atheist and I've found out that I can't date atheists). Either I did something lame or the woman did(it's about an even split) and it didn't work out.

I think that what happened was a combination of the fact that I am not developed enough(physically, mentally, or spiritually) and/or the women that I tried to date weren't the women for me(or I the guy for them).

So instead of trying over and over again to find another partner, I've decided to try to expend my energies into things that I can actually control to a much greater extent.

First of all, physical.

I'm going to the gym 3x a week, one of those times is with a physical trainer. My ultimate fitness goal is to be able to be in good enough shape to climb the Matterhorn via *this trip*

Now, part of having that as my fitness goal is that weather might not cooperate with me and I might not be able to make the climb once I get there. That's ok. As long as I am able to do the training and get to the point where IF the weather cooperates, I will be in good enough condition to make the climb I will count that as having reached my fitness goal.

Second, spiritual. Meditation at least twice daily. Hopefully three times. Daily study of the sutras and commentaries on the sutras. I also will be attending at least one teaching every season and hopefully one meditation retreat on top of that.

Third, mental. I'm not sure how I'm going to accomodate this one yet. Maybe learn calculus or do research to get published in the Mythopoetic Society journal. Suggestions here would be greatly appreciated.

Forth, social. In order to keep from becoming a complete hermit(like has happened in the past) I will be going to at least one poly social event per month(most likely a munch or something). As my guideline here I'm using Pepper's essay on nonmongamy for men.

Those four things are something that I have a much stronger degree of control over and can(for the most part) achieve. I also think that eventually that they will increase the likelihood that I will be able to find another partner(understanding, of course, that it isn't a certainty).

Anyhow, thank you for you for reading. If this sounds whiny, I apologize.

Last edited by DharmaBum23; 05-24-2010 at 03:25 PM. Reason: This is the downside to having two online handles. :(
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