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  #11  
Old 05-24-2010, 02:56 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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People can change their minds, maybe those feelings were feeling she was feeling. Maybe she was showing you guys the love she felt because of how much you were supporting her. Maybe she liked the idea and became uncomfortable?...she may well have never been able to describe how she felt when you first told her your feelings because she didn't know. Thats not a lack of honesty. There is a time to process something like this.

who knows, shit happens. My story reads very similar to yours in a lot of ways. A couple of specific things that red flag for me

Quote:
Anyways a side from all that she helped us in other ways she would help with the kids and the house and so on. Anyways so I would go shopping and she would tag along with me it was nice. But we would get her all kinds of things she wanted clothes, shirts,skirts, bras,underwear, free gas, and cigs, and so on. We spent alot of money on her and never expected anything in return except for honesty.
Really, it sounds like you did build expectations. The usual nice guy/girl curse. Doing all the right things, helping all the right ways, showing friendship....when things don't go the way you hope you find yourself having negative reactions. Sorry if that truly isnt true, but it comes across a bit.

Vandalin is very right. I have female friends that are extremely flirty, however there is no sex involved. Touching, snuggling etc. Our ex is still very touchy with Pengrah...however the understanding of friendship only is accepted now.

In the end, continue loving her and who knows, maybe she will come to love you back, as more than friends. Just leave yourself open to it. Best of luck in your search and your healing.

Last edited by Ariakas; 05-24-2010 at 02:58 AM.
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  #12  
Old 05-24-2010, 03:19 AM
DOUBLExTROUBLE DOUBLExTROUBLE is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
People can change their minds, maybe those feelings were feeling she was feeling. Maybe she was showing you guys the love she felt because of how much you were supporting her. Maybe she liked the idea and became uncomfortable?...she may well have never been able to describe how she felt when you first told her your feelings because she didn't know. Thats not a lack of honesty. There is a time to process something like this.

who knows, shit happens. My story reads very similar to yours in a lot of ways. A couple of specific things that red flag for me



Really, it sounds like you did build expectations. The usual nice guy/girl curse. Doing all the right things, helping all the right ways, showing friendship....when things don't go the way you hope you find yourself having negative reactions. Sorry if that truly isnt true, but it comes across a bit.

Vandalin is very right. I have female friends that are extremely flirty, however there is no sex involved. Touching, snuggling etc. Our ex is still very touchy with Pengrah...however the understanding of friendship only is accepted now.

In the end, continue loving her and who knows, maybe she will come to love you back, as more than friends. Just leave yourself open to it. Best of luck in your search and your healing.


I agree and disagree to some point. Through all of this we told her we want to see her happy and want what she wants for herself. We told her we were not trying to stop her from having the things she wanted in life such as a family, kids and so on.
She would come to our house and be there from 9:30 am to 12 am. We would let her use our free internet and she would sit there and rub it in our face she was talking to other guys. We pretty much told her that she could do what we wanted we just wanted to know how she felt because she was coming off one way at times and another at other times. She emailed me and told me that she thinks things when she is drunk that would nto happen when she was sober. And after touchin my guy she tells him to his face he is just not her type.

Prior to her kissing me and so on she had never told me she loved me or told me she would text me when she made it home every night.
She told me at one point she had feelings that would come out with time.
To me it is almost like she is afraid it wouldnt be excepted. I am not sure.
Neither one of us wanted to stop her from those things and we made that clear to her as well.
It is just hard to be friends with someone who lies to you and doesnt make you a priority they just make you an option when all she has ever been to us is a priority.
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  #13  
Old 05-24-2010, 03:31 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DOUBLExTROUBLE View Post
She emailed me and told me that she thinks things when she is drunk that would nto happen when she was sober. And after touchin my guy she tells him to his face he is just not her type.
Maybe you were the one who was her type?...

Quote:
Prior to her kissing me and so on she had never told me she loved me or told me she would text me when she made it home every night.
She told me at one point she had feelings that would come out with time.
To me it is almost like she is afraid it wouldnt be excepted. I am not sure.
Neither one of us wanted to stop her from those things and we made that clear to her as well.
It is just hard to be friends with someone who lies to you and doesnt make you a priority they just make you an option when all she has ever been to us is a priority.
I can read the pain. Sorry...I hope you can rebuild that trust and that friendship.
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  #14  
Old 05-24-2010, 03:39 AM
DOUBLExTROUBLE DOUBLExTROUBLE is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Maybe you were the one who was her type?...



I can read the pain. Sorry...I hope you can rebuild that trust and that friendship.
I don't know. She felt pretty comfortable with me. But girls can be friends and be comfortable with each other and kiss and rub each other and just have friend feelings?
I just dont want to throw our friend ship away or something maybe she just isnt sure if she wants at this point. Maybe she doesnt want it at all I dont know. She is very confusing at times and it is almost like it was a game. Like she has not text me all weekend. Which is not like her. But I broke down and text her and all it said was I hope you had a good weekend. And she text me back thanks you to.
But on face book she will sit there and chat with me about movies. Wt f? I dont get it. Certain things will never be the same. She was crying when she came over and we were all discussing our feelings. It is like if all you want is to be best friends then some of these things have to stop. I have to many emotions and I can't act on them. It hurts both of us.Thanks for all the support.
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  #15  
Old 05-24-2010, 05:49 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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At first glance, she sounds like a manipulative little hm-hm-hm.

It is possible that she had a screwed up childhood and never really learned how to love and show affection properly, just how to take advantage of people who are trying to help her.

There's nothing you can really do with people like that except cut the ropes. At some point in their life, they have to learn that they're driving people away and they'll have to change their behaviour. Or else they won't, and they'll just die as the same miserable SOB's they were when they entered adulthood.
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  #16  
Old 05-24-2010, 06:56 AM
DOUBLExTROUBLE DOUBLExTROUBLE is offline
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DAMN that is well put that sounds just how i feel just about. We spent probably 800.00 on her just out the kindness of our heart and got got lied to used and to find out tonight she is talking back to the guy that treated her like shit and put his hands on her. The one she came to me so so many times before and said i am done with him. But obviously not the case. While I was paying for her to tan and look good she was telling us what we wanted to hear and going back to him. She would only let us get to a certain point with her. idk seems all she is worried about is her self. I feel so lost lost a best friend lost alot of money and on top of it all she knows I have four kids to take care of one who was born with out an esophagus. Well he was born with esophageal atresia and down syndrome he is three now doing awesome. Still fed through a g tube but doing awesome we spent a year in the nicu and then in and out for probably close to 6 months. All that aside I just have to get over her because her true colors have shown.
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  #17  
Old 05-25-2010, 10:37 PM
DOUBLExTROUBLE DOUBLExTROUBLE is offline
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So those of you who have been giving great input I have some more updates and would like your opinions.
So I decided to email this girl with all of the questions we had and how I felt. I figured atleast then I know she would know. I took me almost 5 hours and I had finally finished the letter.
Worst part it wasn't even good. My spelling and punctuation and stuff sucked but I was just in a hurry to get it all out.
Anyways so I emailed her the letter and she probably got it at about 5pm I didn't get a response from her until almost 6 hours later around 11pm. And she didn't even email me back. She sent me a text message that was 6 texts long.
I guess I am just saddened by the fact that she got it yesterday and I got a response last night but I would have thought that was just a quick response to let me know she cared maybe. However I have gone all day today and not heard from her.
Also we have her as a friend on facebook and we have always commented shared info and so on. But for some reason she blocked us from seeing her wall. I didnt understand that because she is friends with both of my kids on there and so i logged into there accounts and I could see it so that is how I knew she was lying. But it didnt appear she was hiding anything at all. So why did she do that?
I guess I am wondering what I should do now since she didnt even take the time to email me back all I got was a text. A text that probably took her no longer than 40 seconds to write out. I know it was no more than one minute tops and that is so send.
So what do you think?....
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  #18  
Old 05-25-2010, 11:27 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I think you're more invested in this relationship than her?

I am assuming the text did not answer your questions? Otherwise you wouldn't be upset about its brevity?

Since we don't know the content of the letter or response, or even your expectation of a response, you could do a couple of things

1 - email her and ask her for a more detailed response (don't expect one, but at least she would know the investment)
2 - give her time to stew. Facebook is a reactionary thing. Its like the proverbial cold shoulder.
3 - If nothing she does satisfies you than it may be time to cut your losses. You have attempted communication and she has refused, she is pulling the e-cold shoulder. As a guy, if my gf or ex gf started to do this, I would take the hint.....

or

3b - realize that she is not interested, only wants to be friends, is a poor communicator and has less of an investment in the relationship. Realize this and still remain her friend.

Good luck
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  #19  
Old 05-26-2010, 12:27 AM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Ahem.....We had a friend like this not so long ago. Would use us for sex, etc.. She broke up with her boyfriend, which was drama city & beyond. After a lot, which I won't go into (partly my fault & I will go into it at some point, just not here so I don't hijack the thread), she stopped texting, stopped emailing, stopped wanting to get together for anything, she even got a new phone number and didn't give him the number. Breathes tried to hang in there, kept asking to go for coffee, etc. just so he could say good-bye to her. After four months not once would she get together for coffee or anything. After he finally realized how much his hanging in there was hurting me he unfriended her & took her out of his phone list, email list, etc. He's still hurting but at least he doesn't have to look at her posts and wonder.....

My point, sometimes you just have to cut the strings and get on with life the best you can. Find some hobbies, spend extra time with hub & kids, forgive yourself and each other. We all make mistakes, in time she will learn what she has lost & by then it will be too late for her.

Hugs

Last edited by Breathesgirl; 05-26-2010 at 12:30 AM. Reason: spelling and grammar
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  #20  
Old 05-26-2010, 12:52 AM
DOUBLExTROUBLE DOUBLExTROUBLE is offline
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I totally agree with you. Just alot easier said than done. Her and I were best friends before any of this ever happened. i think that is why it is so hard. Now there are feelings that have grew that were never there before between the two of us with her.
We want her so bad but she just doesn't seem to be the friend or lover that we thought she could be and that hurts so bad after being lead to believe it was all possible.
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