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Old 05-23-2010, 02:51 AM
MyDemonsMyAngels MyDemonsMyAngels is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 17
Default How do you go about adding partners in a HEALTHY way...

Alrighty. I would first like to say that this forum has done so much good for me and my emotional state of mind. I have put a few posts up on here and the responses have been very helpful.
Okay, with the help of of this site I have been able to let go of some of my insecurities. And I have come to accept my boyfriends need to be poly. It is simply who he is. I do however have moments where I get distressed and emotional, is that normal? Does it ever get better?
Anyway, moving on. Yesterday he spoke to me about what I need from him to be more comfortable with him truly experiencing this lifestyle (Poly). So I told him that I needed to be told as soon as he thought he had feelings for another woman. And what types of feelings they where, ie. purely sexual or if he really wanted to get to know someone and begin a relationship. I guess my question is how does a couple go about setting up boundaries that are fair....and conscious of both parties emotional well being? Any suggestions?
We tried this once before with another woman (#2 thats what we call her)... who I discussed about in a previous post....but never really got into details about. To make a long story short he did not listen with an open mind and heart when I told him I was not comfortable with him being sexual with another woman who he "loved"...and that I needed time to just come to terms with the idea of it. Not a long time.. just a little time. And he disregarded my feelings and did it anyways. Creating a HUGE problem within our relationship. Where is essence he did cheat on me. I am still not fully over it but I also do not want to hurt him by not being okay with who he is. I know he cares for #2 and but I cannot seem to get over the fact that he hurt me with HER.... even though I really do like her. Weird right?
Anyways, he has had feelings for another girl (for the sake of keeping things straight I will call her #3) and has had those feelings since before I even met him- a year and 1 month ago. She recently became single and he approached me with the want get into a relationship with her.
I find it strange that I am okay with this relationship but unwilling to accept #2 even though I want to. At this point him and #2 don't even talk/see one another because it makes me uncomfortable. I wanna be okay with it... but I am finding it rather difficult. Any suggestions? I don't want to accept #3 without #2... #2 is now my friend and I would feel like i was being REALLY REALLY unfair... however I cannot stop my emotions for being what they are..
This is long I know... but what would you (the reader) say would be the best ways to enter into Poly when your "new" at it... ways to keep us from hurting one another??? Help... please
"Ultimately we know deeply that on the other side of every fear lies freedom"
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