Wife defends husbands relationship with murder victim
Found this on another site. Not really about poly, but definitely stirring the pot over in the UK
Wife defends husband's relationship with murder victim
EBEN HARRELL (email@example.com)
A WOMAN whose businessman husband had a love affair with Angelika Kluk, the Polish student murdered in Glasgow in September, has spoken for the first time about how she supported the relationship.
Anne Macaskill, 35, revealed that she and her husband Martin, 42, practised "polyamory", which advocates multiple relationships.
She said Miss Kluk also accepted the situation and was planning to spend Christmas holidays at the couple's Renfrewshire home after returning to Poland to resume her studies.
The couple keep a picture of Miss Kluk - or "Angela" as they knew her - in their living room.
The student's mutilated body was found stashed beneath the floorboards of a Catholic church where she was working in September. Peter Tobin, a loner and odd-job man, has been charged with the murder.
"My husband and I have an unusually honest relationship," Mrs Macaskill said. "Angela was not my rival or my competitor. What the three of us had was all about love. It was not sleazy. It was not about casual sex."
Mrs Macaskill said she had not planned on having an open relationship with her husband and that when he confessed to the affair she was initially reluctant to accept it.
"But then I started thinking about it and searching on the web and I found there was a term, 'polyamory', that described the situation perfectly," she said.
"I realised I had no right to tell my husband what to feel. Love was what he felt for Angela - and for me as well. Love is not a finite emotion."
Early on in the relationship, Mrs Macaskill said she asked her husband to choose between her and Miss Kluk. After Mr Macaskill promised to end the relationship with Miss Kluk, Mrs Macaskill said she had a changed of heart. She never met Miss Kluk, but was planning to welcome her into her home at Christmas.
She said: "Jealousy is only something you feel when you are insecure. I was never in doubt that Martin was committed to me. We have had friends who carried on affairs behind their partner's back and we decided it was better to have an open and frank relationship."
Sitting at his wife's side, Mr Macaskill said the only source of conflict in the relationship was the disapproval of Miss Kluk's sister, Aneta.
He said his wife's decision to speak out was prompted by anger over increasing speculation about their marriage. The couple also said they felt Mr Macaskill has been "airbrushed" out of Angelika's life by her sister, who requested that Mr Macaskill should not attend a memorial service in Glasgow last month.
Mr Macaskill said: "Angela wrote in her diary that I was the most precious person in her life. She loved me and said because of that she could accept that I was married."
Mrs Macaskill, who attended Miss Kluk's memorial service in place of her husband, said: "I cried for Martin. It was so wrong that he wasn't there. It was a very cruel thing to do to someone who was grieving for his girlfriend."
MULTIPLE MATING: THE MEANING OF POLYAMORY
POLYAMORY is the practice or lifestyle of being open to having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time and having the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.
The word is often used more broadly to refer to relationships that are not sexually exclusive, but there is disagreement on how broadly it applies - many, for instance, contend that swinging is not polyamory. The term is thought to have been coined by the Ravenhearts of Sonoma, a paganist married family of six in California ranging in age from 27 to 63. Oberon, Morning Glory, Wolf, Liza, Wynter Rose and Jon live in a communal complex and run a website on polyamory.
Up to five years ago many "poly" practitioners were isolated from the rest of society, but the internet age has linked adherents from around the globe. Amateur polyamories looking for tips can consult websites, pro-poly psychologists and guidebooks such as The Ethical Slut, published by Greenery Press.
The quarterly Loving More magazine has 10,000 subscribers, according to its founder-editor Ryam Nearing of Colorado.
The legal status of polyamorous relationships is unclear.