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Old 05-21-2010, 04:53 AM
saudade saudade is offline
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I have two partners, a girlfriend, and a friend with benefits. Good luck on explaining yourself!
"I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms." - Chasing Amy
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Old 05-21-2010, 05:34 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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I immagine that I will call them "Hey you". LOL
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Old 05-21-2010, 06:08 PM
somebody somebody is offline
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Originally Posted by tinx View Post
I'm currently debating this with my [fill in the blank] - what exactly do we call each other? What do you call your secondaries?
When I speak to vanillas (we are not out) I call her my girlfriend (girlfriend, you rock!). He is a friend.

Amongst ourselves or those few who know, she is wife. The wife moniker actually stemmed from a joke. My Zumba instructor had a partner class. DH agreed to come. He got "sick." So she came instead. Later, in facebook there was a great deal of kidding around with said Zymba instructor about how every woman needs a wife. The joking was largely around domestic matters and helping out when your man lets you down. We thought it was funny since we are romantically involved. But in any event, I would marry her in a minute. So it still works.

He is boyfriend, lover... DH calls her girlfriend.

I guess I had better get over to introductions...

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Old 05-23-2010, 10:59 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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As a secondary for over 17 months, I am quite happy with boyfriend. I find it respectful to me and recognizes the unique connection Redpepper has with her husband. I am her boyfriend in a secondary relationship

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

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Old 05-23-2010, 11:33 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I agree that boyfriend and girlfriend are appropriate, and partner if it's "more serious."

Basically, whatever term you would otherwise use if you weren't poly should be fine if you are.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 05-24-2010, 11:50 PM
cailet cailet is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Central Washington
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for me and hubby it is a strange situation. i call hubby, my husband hubby etc. or else by his name. my other guy who is very serious with me. He gets called by his name or else with people who know he is my boyfriend. He calls me his weekend wife (he is single) because we basically live together on the weekends. I stay at his house. my hubby has his girl i call her the girlfriend or else hubby's playtoy. Again it all depends on the audience of who you are presenting your other too.
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Old 05-28-2010, 03:24 PM
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rpcrazy rpcrazy is offline
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I always liked the term "partner"
-"There hasn't been a person i've been with that I didn't love for 10 seconds to 10 years." David Duchovny
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Old 05-28-2010, 05:31 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I've been paying attention to this more since I first answered the question.
The truth is I call him M'ebe when we are home or in public and I'm talking to him, which is my pet name for him.
If I'm introducing him, I call him by his given name.

At boyscouts I refer to him as "the boys uncle" because they have always identified him as their uncle. The ROLE he takes in their life is very similar to the role my sister has taken in their life. COMMONLY people who are only in our lives due to scouts or home school activities identify GG and Em as the kids "aunt and uncle" in a way that suggests that they are a couple.
We don't bother to correct it.These people are peripherally involved in our lives, never invited home with us or anything like that.

But if someone asks in the adult social circles we are involved in, I just tell them he's my bestfriend or boyfriend based on what is most likely to be comfortable for HIM and for Maca.

For example-at church, best friend; Maca's work-best friend; random adults at grocery store, boyfriend; hospital/dr. offices, boyfriend.

The hospital brings up another interesting technicality. I made a point of identifying him as my boyfriend and doing all the paperwork that he was my emergency contact because I want him to have the right to be at my side if needed. Maca HAS those rights. As my husband those rights are guaranteed to him-and that makes me VERY VERY happy. But, I don't want GG left out of the loop because he's not my husband. He's a critical and integral part of my life and my heart-he should be side by side with Maca as Maca's supporting friend if anything were to go wrong.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 05-30-2010, 06:38 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Default For me....

I do think in terms of primary/secondary, so online I would explain it in that manner, so people would know who I am refering to.

In real life, When we had poly dynamics going on, I had a 'hubby' and a 'hunny'.

I also found saying 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' had a special uniqueness to it.

To me, the bf/gf label, has a fun innocence or purity to it, that stops people from concluding ; ' fuck buddy '.

Unlike other pet names, which might seem to vague.
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:20 PM
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rory rory is offline
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This is quite an old thread but I'll bump since we were talking about this with my girlfriend just yesterday.

Well, more accurately we debated whether she should/could call me wife once we're that far. It's only been 2,5 months so not for some years, but we enjoy talking about this kind of stuff. She said she would feel as though she was misleading people, since we are both already married and thus can't marry each other (if we were single we could get a legal partnership in our country despite both being women). But I feel as though I'll have every right to call her wife once I feel ready to get married. Society won't recorgnise the commitment for each other, but I want the word to reflect what I feel and our relationship. Actually, I feel it as a political thing to do signifying that society should recognise multiple relationships legally.

If one wanted to be even more political, they could adopt "Unlawful Wife" or something like that. But I find wife to be more practical in everyday life.
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