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Old 05-18-2010, 11:24 PM
bittysue bittysue is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
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Question Some presumably common issues

I've been poking around here and learning a great deal about what polyamory is all about and for that I thank you all!

I'm still left wondering a few things and I'm sure that they are going to come up at some point with my partner. He and I are always up front and honest with each other (this is THE healthiest relationship I've ever been in) and we have no issues sharing each other physically (within the guidelines). However, knowing myself and knowing my partner, I have a sneaking suspicion that we may move beyond just physical sharing and graduate to emotional sharing (beyond the friendships we already have).
This may not sound like an issue, but for me, it will probably be huge. Throughout all of my relationships the physical wasn't as important as the emotional. I never minded my guy sleeping with someone else as long as he was honest with me about it, but during my last relationship my guy started spending a lot of time with another woman, not sleeping with her, just spending a lot of time (the time he usually spent with me) with her. That broke my heart more than I could express.
So, my concern is (because I'm pretty sure that my current partner and I are headed down a path that will lead to this issue) that if we bring someone else into our relationship I will be constantly jealous/hurt if he is spending a lot of time with them. That I'm going to feel as if I am being emotionally cheated on.

My partner is loving, understanding, caring, kind, compassionate and every other good word you could come up with and I know that if/when this situation arises he will not only want to help me through whatever issues I might have but also make every effort to keep me from having issues in the first place. I know that I don't have anything to worry about or be jealous about if he is spending time with someone else or investing emotionally in someone else, but I'm afraid that wouldn't keep me from having negative feelings.
Perhaps he and I should just keep our sharing physical and among friends as we have been doing, but I think the natural progression is going to lead us to something more serious. I don't fear adding someone (male or female) into our relationship, but I am afraid of the feelings I might have even though I don't want them.

So... any suggestions/thoughts/advice/stories about how to not feel as if your being emotionally cheated?
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