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  #11  
Old 05-17-2010, 05:41 AM
TheRainKing TheRainKing is offline
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Default Just one man's opinion.

This is a subject where I'm not sure I could handle the situation you're in. My wife and I are in the triad type situation and I am comfortable with that but if it were my wife and another partner that I was not really allowed that intimate relationship then we would have problems. I can be a jealous man, I think most men are at their core jealous creatures and only those of us strong enough to supress it can hold our own in these types of relationships. I don't know our girlfriend nearly as much as my wife does but here at the beginning when she and I are getting to know each other we are all three still sharing the sexual element of the relationship which has taken a bit of sacrifice from both me and the girlfriend as she doesn't know me that well and it's not easy for me to see my wife with someone else. The jealousy is easier for me that way. I can deal with it. I'm a bit younger and I'm sure not as experienced in life in general as you are as I'm 29 and have only been married 6 years but this is the way that it's worked for us and I think it's probably the only way it could have worked and if you haven't read my other threads our gf is moving in tomorrow which will be bringing her more fully into our life but I don't foresee any problems I haven't mentioned in my previous threads.

I think it would be unfair for your wife not to accept that you want to be involved in her other relationship. Sure, she has a right to be jealous of your affections for the other woman but you have a right to be jealous of your wife's relationship as well. With my wife we explained to our gf that we were a package deal. You couldn't have one without the other and we've been very adamant about that as we feel like since we've been married we are one person, a team, not two seperate people. Our lives are connected and since we share everything we will not take partners that we will not share (though admittedly the gf is our first partner). It comes down to respect I think. Your wife should respect your feelings as you have obviously respected her's. I'm not sure if this helps but I hope so.
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  #12  
Old 05-17-2010, 02:30 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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Thanks RK for your input... another perspective is alway's helpful...

Last edited by caprica; 05-18-2010 at 03:21 AM.
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  #13  
Old 05-17-2010, 03:28 PM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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It seems like you've done a great job of letting things just kinda happen. A lot of times we humans think too much about what's right, wrong, or indifferent. Why is she uncomfortable with you being intimate with her gf? Especially if there isn't necessarily a sexual element. I know it may seem a bit harsh, but what's good for the goose should be good for the gander.

With that said, again, let me reiterate, you've done a good job of letting things happen as they may. That may be the best course of action for you and as always, keep VERY open lines of communication with your wife.

Good luck.
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  #14  
Old 05-17-2010, 04:15 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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thanks danny, I think things will evolve over time. I have to say that initially, my more intimate involvement was not part of the deal & I did give my blessing for the two of them to embark on a relationship. That said, I gave my blessing based on who our friend is to us, & my fondness for her. My attraction to her has grown based on my wife's & her invovement... didn't really see it coming but here I am... I don't think that my wife is neccessarily oposed to it but rather is willing to let it evolve... we'll see...

Last edited by caprica; 05-18-2010 at 03:20 AM.
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  #15  
Old 05-17-2010, 05:46 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I think you are wise to take it as it comes and allow for the natural progression of it all.

While I agree that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, this is different. Its not about your wife dating someone and you not being *allowed* to date someone. Its about her uncomfortablness in your interest in who she is dating. Very different. I think the *going at the pace of the one who is struggling most* theory applies to this one. Which sounds like what you are doing.

In time the boundaries that are needed for your possible triad to succeed will be revealed. She knows now, so letting her sit with it right now is probably the best bet in my opinion.
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  #16  
Old 05-18-2010, 03:20 AM
caprica caprica is offline
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thanks redpepper... again, it's nice to hear another's perspective. I hope that you are right about my wife sorting it out in her mind etc... She's a great gal & the trust runs deep between us. It is taking a good amount of self control from my end as I am trying to be patient & allow things to evolve naturally. ... hb
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  #17  
Old 05-18-2010, 02:19 PM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caprica View Post
thanks redpepper... again, it's nice to hear another's perspective. I hope that you are right about my wife sorting it out in her mind etc... She's a great gal & the trust runs deep between us. It is taking a good amount of self control from my end as I am trying to be patient & allow things to evolve naturally. ... hb
Kudos again!! Such a major component to ANY relationship and SOOOO important in this lifestyle. I wanna say I see good things in your future, but I'm not a psychic friend. :P
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  #18  
Old 05-18-2010, 02:25 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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ha ha... thanks danny... I will update as things move along. Again, thanks to all for your support..

hb
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  #19  
Old 05-21-2010, 10:24 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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... counting the days, hous, minutes... but I'm not sure it'll end up going in my favour here... I just really don't know.

Side note, the three of us went to see Eddie Izzard the other night... great show!

Last edited by caprica; 05-23-2010 at 03:11 PM.
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  #20  
Old 05-23-2010, 02:11 PM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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Love Eddie Izzard!! What are your concerns?
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