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Old 05-16-2010, 04:14 PM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Christie,
Quote:
I believe you are refering to MY post. Where I said that if your husband does not fully approve of your relationship with your BF, then you are, in fact, cheating. I stand by this. I am not trying to accuse or be mean or a finger pointer. However, the fact remains that you said, yourself, that you committed infidelity with your BF. Those were not words I put in there, those were YOUR words.
Warning, your reply elicits a great deal of anger. I will try to keep that in check as I reply. I AM NOT CHEATING. IF YOU READ MY ENTIRE REPLY, YOU WOULD SEE THAT IT WAS MY HUSBAND WHO CAME TO ME AND CONSENTED TO US RESUMING OUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. IN YOUR LIFE, YOU GET TO JUDGE THAT; IN MINE YOU DON'T. AND BY BEING SO FORCEFUL WITH YOUR OPINION, YOU ARE IN FACT BEING ACCUSATORY AND MEAN, AND THAT IS MY OPINION.

Quote:
You can feel defensive if you wish. I can not change those feelings within you. Again, I am pointing out facts that you have already pointed out yourself, but that you may be trying to overlook.
TRUTHFULLY, THAT'S COP OUT; "YOU CAN BE DEFENSIVE IF YOU WISH". IT'S LIKE SAYING "I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, BUT..." WHICH INEVITABLY MEANS ONE IS ABOUT TO BE RUDE. YOU DON'T KNOW ME, BUT YOU ARE JUDGING ME. THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF MOST OF MY EXPERIENCE ON THIS FORUM. AND FTR, I NEVER TRY TO OVERLOOK ANYTHING. I'M AS SELF-AWARE AS THEY COME. I HAVE NEVER DENIED THAT CHEATING WAS WRONG ON MY PART, BUT GIVEN THAT I WAS ACTIVELY SUICIDAL AT THE TIME AND FELT LIKE MY DH WOULD BE BETTER OFF W/O THE BURDENS I CREATED, I HAVE FORGIVEN MYSELF AND SO HAS HE FORGIVEN ME. YOU DON'T NEED TO.
Quote:
I am honestly NOT trying to be mean or accusitory here. But if I understand "Polyamory" right, it's about the HONESTY and the love. If my wife were not "completely ok" with a relationship that I had with ANYONE (not just a gf, but a regular friend) I would stop the relationship or at the very least I would stop the actions that she was not "completely ok" with. Now, this is just me. Not everyone is the same. Some people demand full and complete freedom to do as they wish. Is that you? If so, is that the way your husband feels also? Or are you both more the type to give and take? I am the later. My wife is also the later. We make concessions for each other from time to time. This works well for us, as we have been married to each other for 20 years now.
AND SINCE 3 WEEKS INTO MY RELATIONSHIP WITH BF, I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST AND LOVING, FACING THE MUSIC WITH DIGNITY. AND THE WHOLE "COMPLETELY OK" IS BS. I'VE BEEN READING THREADS HERE AND IT SEEMS COMMON FOR SPOUSES TO INITIALLY NOT BE COMPLETELY OK. MY HUSBAND IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT--IF HE SAYS NO TO BF AND I HAVING SEX, I RESPECT THAT AS I RESPECT AND HONOR HIM.

I TEND TO MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO AVOID JUDGING OTHERS--IS THAT YOU? I CAN HONESTLY ASSERT THAT MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE THE STRONGEST FOUNDATION OF ANY MARRIAGE I'VE EVER KNOWN. AND YOU WON'T FIND A MORE GIVING PERSON THAN I. SO, RESPECTFULLY, I ASK YOU TO TAKE YOUR OPINIONS OF A STRANGER ELSEWHERE.

Quote:
So, I will give you my opinion. (Please remember that opinions are like butt holes...Everyone has one and they all stink) In my OPINION, you are being selfish by trying to keep this relationship going on even though your husband is not "completely ok" with it. He may be telling you to do whatever....But if he is saying, "it's a work in progress", then he is still not "completely ok" with the situation, and is making a concession to you.
THERE YOU GO WITH THE DISCLAIMER. WERE IT SAID KINDLY, IT WOULD FEEL DIFFERENTLY. YOU DON'T GET TO CALL ME SELFISH. SORRY, BUT YOU DON'T. MY DH HAS BEEN DEFENDING ME TO EVERYONE, B/C HE KNOWS THAT THIS WAS ONE MISTAKE I MADE IN A LIFETIME OF BEING KIND AND CONSIDERATE (ALMOST TO A FAULT) TO OTHERS.

AND YOU ALSO MUST HAVE MISSED THAT MY DH IS NOW DATING AS WELL. DID YOU READ MY POST IN ITS ENTIRETY? AND YES, I WAS SHOUTING THROUGHOUT.
To the mods and the rest of the members, my apologies, but he REALLY hit a nerve. I feel that I remained fair and respectful in my anger and thus am going to hit send. If I've burned the bridge for this group, then so be it, but I have taken enough SH*T IRL to take it from some anonymous stranger who doesn't know thing one about me and yet feels the need to express his strong and unkind opinions about me.
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anxiety, children, coming out, communication, depression, family, mono/poly, privacy, struggling

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