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Old 07-21-2009, 12:26 AM
arotrois arotrois is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1
Default Exploring old ground

Hi all,

I'm writing here to sort of introduce myself to the community, and to ask a few questions - but mostly to get my thoughts down in a coherent form so that I can healthily approach the exciting and rather intense changes that have been blossoming within my five year marriage. So yeah, there are a couple of questions here, but I hope you'll indulge me and let me just get this out...

My wife and I are both straight-leaning bisexuals. She and I have begun to very slowly open our previously monogamous marriage up to the idea of additional love. This is not a first to me - I previously had had polyamorous relationships, though not in the context of marriage. Unfortunately, due to both betrayals on the part of other individuals in the relationship and trust issues of my own, they ended badly, and I swore off polyamory entirely... until now.

Part of this is to help my wife - she had been wrestling for years with her love of my stepson's father (her first love, no longer around really), and didn't know how to reconcile her feelings for him with her feelings for me. So I made it easy for her - "as long as you come home to me afterwards, we're probably gonna be ok". She has been quite open to other women in the relationship (and has encouraged me to find another lover... told me her fantasies of it, etc, so I don't think it's a guilt reaction), but has said that he is the only other man she'd want to sleep with.

Nice situation for me (almost feel a bit guilty about it), one that doesn't really bring up the jealousy issues I had experienced in my previously failed polyamorous relationships.

From a personal standpoint, I don't really need any more sex (thanks again to the wonderful wife), but I'm inspired (both romantically and creatively) every time I let myself love someone new (poet/musician/writer in me). Having just the possibility of sex open- or rather, not having to watch myself because sex might blow up my marriage- is tremendously liberating.

And a bit frustratingly addictive... being 5 years married, stuck in the burbs, and having a big child care load, I have absolutely no idea about how to meet someone who could understand and appreciate our relationship... particularly if it's not focused on sex. See, I'm a bit weird for a guy - I'm just not into sex unless I've already been seduced by someone's soul.

So I guess I'm looking for suggestions on how to start this whole thing responsibly and lovingly, and preferably not at a swingers' party or S&M club. Hope I didn't bore you too much

~A
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