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  #31  
Old 05-14-2010, 10:31 PM
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Ciel, yes, it can be hard to manage the self-relationship when you have so much else going on.

Some people seem to have a problem with one very tiny, yet very large, word. The word NO. If I can see that I need that time for myself I am very comfortable with telling someone 'no'. ie. Breathes asked me if I was going to come along to the RPG tonight for the companionship. "No". My body has been doing some very odd things lately & I need to spend some time with myself figuring out what these things mean. Not to mention I need that down time to recharge after a weird work week.

LadyMonterey: I love it when people are comfortable with themselves and aren't always LOOKING for something or someone just because they don't want to be lonely. How can one be lonely when they have such wonderful companionship as themselves????? I'm baffled, lol.
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  #32  
Old 05-15-2010, 10:39 AM
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If i'm lucky I see D once a week. I see E a bit more but it's a newer relationship. I have my alone time but D is that one person I can bounce things...anything...off of and not be worried that I'm not making myself clear. unfortunately it's been 2 weeks since I've seen D. I don;t know about others but the whole once a week thing sometimes makes me sad. I mean we talk and enjoy each others company but I don't alway feel that once a week is enough. I'm trying not to be selfish though.
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  #33  
Old 05-15-2010, 12:21 PM
capricorny capricorny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
yeah, very good point!
I actually thing that with a three people poly setup there are actually seven relationships that need to be given time - the three between each of the pairs (even if that is only friendship, there should usually be some sort of trust there and an ability to communicate), plus the dynamic of the three together (which may be very different from any of the pairs), and then the three relationships that the individuals need to have with themselves.

If you lose that last one (and that can happen often quite easily, especially if you are the "hinge" of a V relationship), then it can sometimes get to the point where you totally lose touch with yourself while devoting all your energies to be with your two partners.
Agreed! While this kind relationship enumeration may seem abstract to some, I think it is important and potentially very useful to consider all the relationships involved, and something I could do much more myself. In Vs, the dynamic of all three together is, in my experience, all to easy to ignore, as is the relationship between the two not intimately involved with each other. I also find that a bit of "mindfulness" in these respects tend to dampen potential space/time conflicts, and that is all for the good.
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  #34  
Old 05-15-2010, 03:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southerndreams View Post
If i'm lucky I see D once a week. I see E a bit more but it's a newer relationship. I have my alone time but D is that one person I can bounce things...anything...off of and not be worried that I'm not making myself clear. unfortunately it's been 2 weeks since I've seen D. I don;t know about others but the whole once a week thing sometimes makes me sad. I mean we talk and enjoy each others company but I don't alway feel that once a week is enough. I'm trying not to be selfish though.
Yes, more than once a week would be nice but we all work, have families, etc. Possibility has two primaries as well as two young children to take care of plus he's recovering from gall bladder surgery. We occasionally do get to see each other more often because our schedules just work out that way, once a week is the norm.
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  #35  
Old 05-15-2010, 04:38 PM
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southerndreams southerndreams is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
Yes, more than once a week would be nice but we all work, have families, etc. Possibility has two primaries as well as two young children to take care of plus he's recovering from gall bladder surgery. We occasionally do get to see each other more often because our schedules just work out that way, once a week is the norm.
i'm working on the whole 'accepting the time I get to spend with him thing'. it's just that reading this thread makes me a bit jealous. I don't get sleep overs. I only get a few hours a week. it'll all work out though.
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  #36  
Old 05-15-2010, 05:08 PM
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Originally Posted by southerndreams View Post
i'm working on the whole 'accepting the time I get to spend with him thing'. it's just that reading this thread makes me a bit jealous. I don't get sleep overs. I only get a few hours a week. it'll all work out though.
Ahhhhhhh, I don't expect to get sleep overs. Possibility prefers to sleep alone & Breathes and I have our own bed time routine which I wouldn't miss unless it were absolutely necessary.

Normally Possibility and I only get a couple of hours a week. The last couple of weeks have been unusual & we've been able to get about five hours each week plus we've got this evening for a change in pace . Breathes and I live together so seeing each other isn't really a problem.
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  #37  
Old 05-15-2010, 07:57 PM
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SD- I never seem to get enough either...even when it is an hour here or 5 hours there, even a sleepover...the time flies by!!! It is getting better though!
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  #38  
Old 05-15-2010, 08:32 PM
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it's good to know that it does get better. I just have to get used to it.
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  #39  
Old 05-16-2010, 05:27 AM
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I don't think J totally counts as a secondary but there is a stronger emotional connection than if he were a tertiary, so for now I'll use that term. Usually I get to see him once a week for a day or an evening. I would like more but T is very uneasy about the amount of time I spend with him. So I have another question to piggy back off this one.

How much control does your primary have over when/how often you get to see your secondary?
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  #40  
Old 05-16-2010, 12:24 PM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southerndreams View Post
i'm working on the whole 'accepting the time I get to spend with him thing'. it's just that reading this thread makes me a bit jealous. I don't get sleep overs. I only get a few hours a week. it'll all work out though.
Ah, whine. We so want a sleepover (gee I sound like my kids ;-)), and had the opportunity Friday night, but kidney stones got in the way. It will happen someday. I have to chuckle though, b/c bf has been single for so long that I think he enjoys sleeping alone even as he very much enjoys cuddling. He also claims I'm a bed and blanket hog ;-).
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