definition of Poly?

[Mark1npt]

Gotta love the communication, boys. Way to go Mono......proud of you!

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks Mark..but I'm more proud of Redpepper for putting up with me and knowing when to push a little
Take care my friend!

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Just to be clear, I was not asking for anything that would be considered even remotely traditionally wrong LOL! I hope my statement wasn't taken as asking for anything that would go against my monogamous nature...

Not at all Mono...I was referencing my own example.

[MonoVCPHG]

Whew! Cool my friend...see you around

[redpepper]

wow! I have so much to say but if I say it all now I won't get any sleep.... it took me an hour to wade through all that has been said.... I can't keep up with you all! doing my best here.

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Originally Posted by redpepper

wow! I have so much to say but if I say it all now I won't get any sleep....

That's ok....sleep is for the weak!

[DestinyWaits]

I will say that my defintion of poly, or as I explained it to my 15yr old when he asked me, is being in a relationship with more than one person and it being an exclusive relationship, to me anything else is swinging but that is just my definition, yours may be different. When my husband and I find a partner we like we are exclusive with her and see no one else nor does she, we are a triad and a family. I know not all poly relationships are this way but this is our way, we do have friends who are in a polyrelationship and the wife has different "lovers" while her husband is content to just being with her and letting her be who and what she is, it works for them and they are happy...I say to each their own!! Live as you see fit to make you happy!

[tigrrrlily]

Originally Posted by Quath

I tend to see "poly" as living a lifestyle where a person may desire loving many people with knowledge and consent of all people. So in the case where the partners do not love the people they are intimate with, I would consider them swingers. If a person is single, I consider them poly if they are willing to be involved in a poly relationship (just like someone can be a gay virgin).

Ultimately, there are two reasons for labels. One is to help identify others in a consistent manner (like for sociological research) and the others is to identify yourself as how you see yourself. So if anyone self-labels as anything, I go with that since they are trying to explain something about themselves. However, if we are talking statistics, I like a consistent label.

I like how quath sees this but i'd add that labelling OURSELVES by our sexual practices (which may, in any case, change over time) is kinda limiting. I prefer to think of it as having/doing poly relations.

I think, redpepper, that what's hassling you is not what is poly but what is a relationship. Maybe particularly whether sex = relationship.

[MonoVCPHG]

I cut this from another thread because I think it relates.

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion
The thing I like about poly so far, is that it takes up a really large chunk of that spectrum...so there's a lot of flexibility in how you want to live it...should you choose to do so. The only real requirements are more than one person, and some form love/relationship.

My comment
Personally, from what I have seen, the word "polyamory" is used so broadly I feel it has lost a lot of validity for me. This isn't a negative statement, just a case of perceived vagueness and a simple disinterest in using the word because it doesn't really define anything for me besides being non-monogamous. Part of it is the idea of someone "choosing" to be polyamorous. To me it would be the same as "choosing " to be gay. I think polyamory is a "nature" thing, not a learned behavior....but this is only my opinion. The other part is how unclear the concept of "love" is when used in poly relationships. I feel it is some times used just to take a moral step up from the concept of swinging or open relationships; not that one is needed, there is nothing immoral about either.

I think I will probably avoid the word when explaining my relationship to mono friends in the future except if needed to separate what I have from polygamy. The word is simply too hard to explain because the forms it takes are seemingly limitless. Describing the dynamic within my relationship is easier.