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  #121  
Old 05-11-2010, 04:54 AM
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I agree with Mohegan, this pisses me off too but also...confuses me. where do people get off being so...judgemental....?
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  #122  
Old 05-11-2010, 06:48 AM
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I hope you take some time to read some of the really good threads on here about which you speak. There are quite a few of us that raise kids on here now and there have been many in the past with similar questions.

I suggest a search for tags.... children, kids, etc. anything you can think of.

As for my personal opinion? I completely understand something of what you might be feeling. When I came out to my family last fall my mother went to our family doctor and told him that she thought Mono was abusing our child. We were terrified that she would find a way to have our boy removed from our house. I was very distraught that we had to put him through a medical test to see if he was okay, knowing full well that he was. The doctor found nothing and my mum didn't have a leg to stand on with him... this generally doesn't stop her and we continued to worry that she would call child protective services.

It never happened as we told her that she would not be able to see her grand child again if she did that.

My experience has indicated that our boy is benefiting greatly from Mono being in our lives. He has a "best buddy" now and is very proud of that fact with his friends. The other day his BFF came over and we all took the boys for lunch, we were crossing a busy road and the newly 7 year olds still were too distractable to pay attention to traffic. My boy held his dad's hand and he turned to his friend and said, you can hold my "best buddies" hand with voice full of pride. He was so proud that Mono rode his motor bike beside the car so that they could watch him outside the window too.

yup, he is not suffering in the least. My boy knows that I love his dad as much as I love Mono and that he can love as many people as he wants too. We tell him that there is no cap on having love in your heart for others and that you can make family with whomever you chose. He understands that, believes that and it has nothing to do with our sex lives. It has everything to do with love and family.

I feel for you, I really do. It is so sad that this kind of attitude prevails. It does everywhere because of the way we have been conditioned. I hope you are able to move on and find forgiveness. Even better, I hope you are able to educate this therapist and in doing so feel more confident about the choices you make.... at the same time, I would not see fault in protecting yourself if you feel threatened and walking away.
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  #123  
Old 05-11-2010, 02:43 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Interesting post.........

The first question I would have is not around what lifestyle a parent(s) was living but what parts of it were appropriate - and especially appropriate for the understanding and phase (age) that the children were in. And the openness and honesty of what is going on.
"Damage" occurs to us when we are young just by living. I feel the biggest threat to the outlook of children comes from seeing dishonesty, lack of integrity etc. When we're young we're trying to understand the rules of the road and in order to do that we have to be able to accept something as being true, accurate. When you are caught in an environment where you are constantly discovering lies, half truths and various deceptions it weakens your confidence and creates the impression that that is the way life needs to be lived.
Add to all this that the kids are living in the "current culture" the same as we all are. And we all know how cruel that culture can be at young ages. The choices we make as parents WILL have impacts for our children if they are public - or even something that the culture we live in can find suspicious if noticed.

So, it seems there aren't any easy, pat answers. Each situation is unique in what will be the best - or worst. But the one thing (ironic) that holds true is the same thing we all talk about all the time about between ourselves.

Honesty, good communication, integrity.

Children can easily grasp love/connection between more than one person ! It's a default part of their lives. Most children have multiple people in their lives they love, and that love them ! They naturally grasp the different levels between parents, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc. It's all the same and yet different - but all generally good.

Only as they reach an age of some sexual awareness and begin to get some inkling of what the broad culture accepts as "normal" does any question arise for them. This is when it seems to start to get a bit sticky.

Kids don't need (and usually prefer not) to know about adults sex lives until it becomes appropriate. And that time varies. But when it comes - the key is the same, honesty (to an appropriate degree) and integrity.

Ooops - interruption - have to run............

Maybe more later............

GS
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  #124  
Old 05-11-2010, 03:20 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Ok, I have a question....If you are seeing a therapist, aren't they supposed to keep your converstaions private and not disclosed to anyone unless it's potentially hazardous to your health or the health of someone else? (i.e. you make a threat that you are going to commit suicide or you threaten to kill the mayor or something) If so, then I would, as you are letting her know you are parting ways, let her know you intend to inform the medical board of her transgressions. I mean, you don't want her to be doing something that she's not supposed to be doing right?

Your therapist sounds like she really sucks and is more into working for the gooberment which I HATE. Where would we be without the gooberment to save us from ourselves? The gooberment stole me from my biological mother when I was 3 only to adopt me out to a family which treated me as though I was a prize, and not their child. Anyway, this is about you, not me. So.....Let her know that she really needs to re-read her privacy disclosures and separate her therapy business from her social working job. Then, go to her supervisors and let them know about how she is using her therapy business to disrupt peoples lives with her social work job. Also a report to the medical board (or whoever she got her therapy license from) is in order.
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  #125  
Old 05-11-2010, 03:36 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Ok, I have a question....If you are seeing a therapist, aren't they supposed to keep your converstaions private and not disclosed to anyone unless it's potentially hazardous to your health or the health of someone else? (i.e. you make a threat that you are going to commit suicide or you threaten to kill the mayor or something) If so, then I would, as you are letting her know you are parting ways, let her know you intend to inform the medical board of her transgressions. I mean, you don't want her to be doing something that she's not supposed to be doing right?
Is a therapist bound by the same rules/laws as psychiatry?
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  #126  
Old 05-11-2010, 03:39 PM
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I agree with you TL4, after a chat about how what she said was inappropriate, if her attitude doesn't change and no apology is forthcoming, I certainly would do the same.
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  #127  
Old 05-11-2010, 03:40 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Is a therapist bound by the same rules/laws as psychiatry?
Excellent question, and I have no idea. Which is why I asked that same question (or at least very CLOSE to the same) in the first sentence of my reply.
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  #128  
Old 05-11-2010, 03:41 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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damnit...I broke my own rule about not posting pre morning coffee...

my mistake
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  #129  
Old 05-11-2010, 03:42 PM
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In Canada, therapists (and everyone else for that matter) are required by law to report cases of child abuse or endangerment to the MCFD (Ministry for Children and Families). So by the letter of the law, the therapist would be doing nothing wrong by reporting this "child endangerment" but obviously the therapist is forcing her own morality on a situation that she really doesn't know enough about. I think this law sucks in that it allows close minded people the protection of the law in situations like this.
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  #130  
Old 05-11-2010, 03:49 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
damnit...I broke my own rule about not posting pre morning coffee...

my mistake
LOL Ditto!
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