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Old 05-11-2010, 08:19 AM
capricorny capricorny is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sub-ultima Thule
Posts: 65
Default At least 3 categories of rules

Originally Posted by rpcrazy View Post
The presented steps are in a hierarchy from top to bottom. Do not do skip ahead :P

1. oh snap?! you love another person, or you discover you're a hippie!!??? Figure yourself out. Take a hike, go soul searching for however long it takes until you figure that IS true and undeniable...you can like, and love more than one person. Once you do...learn SELF-CONTROL, and don't continue until you do!!!

2. Learn to communicate (click on link) with your partner. However long it takes. When you find that your partner understands you, and you understand your partner, go on to #3...

3. Tell you're partner your poly. THAT'S RIGHT, go right ahead be HONEST! "honesty? what's that? is it safe/convenient?" IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! MWHAHAHA! If you've learned to communicate, you should be able to tell your partner that you're poly and discuss the dynamics of you're future relationship. woohoo!

4. PRACTICE! That guy or girl, who've you've been all "O.M.G i want to touch and you feel you, and be wrapped/wrap myself around your EXISTENCE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU" about? Well now's the time to release that NRE and use it! well...maybe not fully. But release it(hehe) under the conditions of your new, open, and versatile relationship! yay!

5. "i feel jealous and un-loved " OH NOES! You're loved one or many of your loved ones are hurt because of jealousy. WELL, jealousy is alot like fear in that the best to deal with it is HEAD-ON! This last step is rough, and will probably takes months to YEARS...TO LIFE! but hey it'll be the most fantastic journey you'll ever go through(besides maybe having a baby, and climbing some stupid high mountain in china)
Concepts to familiarize your with are: In order...
Unconditional Love<br>
Jealousy <br>
Have a taste, maybe? The proof of the poly pudding lies in the....?

I wonder if it may be fruitful to discern three types of "rules":

1. Rules as in commandments. Completely useless for poly, methinks.
2. Rules as in grammar rules enabling communication. Hard to avoid, methinks.
3. Rules as in rules of thumb. Might be useful, depends.

Instead of category 1, we have our inescapable mantra
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.
That's more than enough of that sort.

I have tried to elaborate on cat 2 elsewhere.

Rules in cat 3 come in several groups. One is "works often, could or should be tried". Another is the "shit happens, but you don't have to produce it" set. A third, that possibly is closest to what is sold as "poly rules" is related to cat 2 principles: If I violate them, I am likely to disregard or overstep some de facto dividing lines. Giving my language of love bad grammar, more prone to misunderstandings, not the least by myself.

Some possible cat 3 examples.
Group 1: I never make long-term poly decisions or strategies when I am immersed in NRE.
Group 2: I should be very conservative in risk assessments, and careful about my tendency to optimistic methodology. Using others' disasters for meta-analysis.
Group 3: The right to negotiation is irrevocable.
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best practices, boundaries, foundations, guidelines, mono, mono/poly, monogamous, monogamy, principles, rules

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