Polyamory and Mental Illness: New Blog Series

JessicaBurde

JessicaBurde

New member
The Polyamory and Mental Illness blog series starts today on Polyamory on Purpose. I'll be covering everything what basic facts of mental illness, to supporting poly partners with mental illness, to (some of) the many and varied ways mental illness can impact poly relationships.

The intersection of polyamory and mental illness is almost never discussed, but is a huge issue for many in the community who struggle with everything from bipolar disorder to anxiety to schizophenic disorders.

Requests/suggestions for additional topics as the series goes on are welcome. If you'd be interested in writing a guest post on your personal experience of polyamory and mental illness, please let me know!
 
BiPolar Wife

I have been diagnosed BiPolar since 2000--I certainly am interested in sharing my road and to learn more from others who have followed the same road. Our girlfriend also shows signs of an undiagnosed mental disorder that Hubby and I have been trying to work with her on. Please feel free to ask me or Hubby about the last 15 year rollercoaster that we have been living.
 
Sounds like a good blog series to start, Jessica. I've been diagnosed with a number of disorders over the years ... details can be found at http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=262252#post262252 for the interested.

If you're curious about how my condition/s has/have affected my relationships, I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have for me. Post me a post, or PM me a PM. :)

I also don't mind if there's any info in my blog link above that you'd like to use.
 
I am really excited for this series, it's a fantastic idea! I think poly relationships, when lived well, can be a really amazing support network for those who face challenges of all kinds, including mental illness. Having multiple loving relationships with partners who understand and care can, I think, can provide a kind of stability and reassurance that can augment other treatments very successfully, and enhance the lives of all involved.

It would also be interesting to read something about the challenges that Cluster B personality issues present, which are usually very different that illnesses like depression and bi-polar disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personalty, and Narcissistic Personality, I think, present potentially difficult challenges in many relationship styles. I bring these three up specifically because they have the potential to impact informed consent by those they interact with, are difficult to treat, and, unfortunately, poly can be potentially fertile ground for fostering, rather than helping heal, these illnesses. It is also a life choice that often appeals to Nacissistic personalities, and an informative post about the challenges that represents and where to get help in coping with those challenges would be fantastic!
 
I had not previously heard of histrionic personality ... Narcissism I knew of, and I was once diagnosed with borderline personality. Hard challenges indeed for the loved ones of the person with the disorder.

I'm thinking the key here is whether the person with the disorder is willing and able to see that they have a problem and that they need help. Which may make narcissists the toughest of the bunch, as their self-esteem is *very* high and they tend to see the faults in others, not in themselves.

Of course I am not a doctor so my opinion should be taken with a grain of salt or three. I just believe that the main reason Snowbunny (and Brother-Husband) stuck with me when I was at my worst was because at least I was willing to admit I had a problem, and was willing to get professional help.
 
Definitely including the personality disorders ("Cluster B" is a new term for me, but the disorders are familiar), as well as developmental disorders (I hate that term but ATM it seems to be the best I got) such as autism and ADD. There was a debate going on over at reddit as to whether it is better to lump the developmental disorders in with the mental illness series or give them a separate series, given how different their impact is. Someone in that discussion mentioned that BPD and ASD tend to have similar impacts on relationships, a connection I hadn't recognized. Le sigh. Staying on top of everything I "should" know is worse that the classic "keeping up with the Joneses" ;)

I definitely agree that being aware of the problem and willing to get help (in whatever form works best) is key. For myself I've gotten far more useful help from unofficial "peer counselors"--folks I've met who've been there, done that, and been willing to show me what works--than from the vast majority of shrinks, but for my partner, getting professional help and getting on meds was (and is) crucial to his mental stability.
 
I had a former metamour with Histrionic Personality. She also had anorexia and depression, so there were many challenges. There aren't many resources for it that I found, so more on it would definitely pique my interest.

I agree that in the cases of Cluster B disorders, especially in Borderline and Narcisistic, one of the largest barriers could be that it's not easy for the person with the disorder to see that there may be an issue. Thank you for sharing your story--it's inspiring to read!
 
My partner cassie has been diagnosed with Bi-polar 1 (the most severe) as well as PTSD. Our other partner is also Bi-Polar with numerous other health issues.

Oddly enough, with that sort of combination you'd think it would be a powder keg, but since Amanda joined our household, I've noticed that both of them are calmer and seem to have less deperession related problems. One thing that works in our favor as well is that Cassie's PTSD stems from abuse she suffered at the hands of her step father so the extra female influence helps to calm her.

I also think that because they share the same disorders that its helped them bond and as with me and amanda, cassie and amanda are very deeply in love with each other.
 
GreenAcres said:
...Narcissistic Personality, I think, present potentially difficult challenges in many relationship styles... the potential to impact informed consent by those they interact with, [is] difficult to treat, and, unfortunately, poly can be potentially fertile ground for fostering, rather than helping heal, these illnesses. It is also a life choice that often appeals to Nacissistic personalities, and an informative post about the challenges that represents and where to get help in coping with those challenges would be fantastic!
Click to expand...


Hoo boy, my last male partner finally showed his true colors as a Don Juan Narcissist. You hit the nail on the head, GA. Claiming to be a poly lover when in fact other people are mere toys to feed his never fulfilled ego, empty moral center, and need for attention supply, it sure fooled me for a while. He was selfish. He was completely without empathy, though he could fake acting he had some like an Emmy winner. I shudder still to think the knots I was in trying to figure out what the hell happened to my "perfect boyfriend" when he started treating me like shit after the year it took him to fully reel me in.

Here is the most helpful link I have found, with many articles about the Don Juan Narcissist.

https://psychopathyawareness.wordpr...ntify-and-escape-from-psychopathic-seduction/
 
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Hi

I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) which is well managed now and without medication for 5 years now. The conflict with polyamory is (a) is what I am feeling or how I am acting due to my polyamorous lifestyle; or (b) due to GAD. Symptoms of GAD and jealousy can be similar: anxiety, irrational worry, anger etc.

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry, that is, apprehensive expectation about events or activities.This excessive worry often interferes with daily functioning.
 
Another person with GAD here! I manage it with semi-regular therapy. Glad to see other people out there who handle GAD and polyamory.

I totally understand the overlap between GAD and fears related to poly. For me, the GAD seems to amplify those fears, more so than create new ones. Luckily, I've got two partners who are incredibly supportive and patient and can help me figure out the root of those fears, as well as help calm me down when I'm a ball of anxiety. And they understand my desire to have things planned out as much as I can in advance! :)

I'd add that I'm very motivated to grow as a person and not let the GAD control me. That part fits in great for polyamory, IMHO! :D
 
Thank you so much for doing this! I also have GAD, and have suffered from depression at times in my life. My husband also has it, (although not officially diagnosed, but we both admit to it), and it absolutely plays into the insecurity that can come up within a poly relationship!

I was involved with a partner over a year ago who also suffers from anxiety and depression, and his depression spiraled to the point where he stopped communicating with me completely for months. Only when he had a death in the family was I able to restore communication with him. We maintained a friendship for the last year, but just this week he stopped again. And so we go... trying to maintain a connection with someone who often feels disconnected from everything is challenging. But, we keep trying...

Depression and other psych conditions can make it so very complicated to be in relationships, and when multiple people within the relationship have issues? ugh...

I would be happy to talk with you more directly about it if you wish. :)

Best of luck!
Willow
 
affects my relationship a lot

i think its really amazing that this is a topic being talked about and explored. I have a lot of mental health diagnosis, ptsd, bi polar, anxiety, trying to recover from anorexia, and my partner is in recovery from drug addiction and has bi polar and obsessive tendencies as well. i know recently our mental health has been very challenging trying to process though/ cope with the feelings we are having in result of us recently trying to add someone to our relationship and it not working out with her for now. We seem to be in different spots with our current feelings over what boundaries we feel ok with now with her. Its hard going through the "normal" grieving process of heartache, but with our mental stabilities wavering also in result its even more challenging figuring out what is overreactions, what could be delusional thoughts surfacing, "old feelings"/ drama triggers, etc.
 
Really well-done introduction to the subject. I can't wait to read more. Thank you for doing this series.
 
Thanks, guys.

Question:

Should I keep sharing the new posts here?

After this week I'm not going to share most of the posts on Reddit or Facebook groups, b/c I'm just not active enough, it'll begin seeming like link span pretty quickly. Especially since I can't just share each new post as a "reply" to the earlier ones. but for a forum, it makes more sense to just share each new post in this thread, if there is enough interest.

Let me know what you think!
 
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