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  #131  
Old 05-09-2010, 07:30 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Great list LR
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  #132  
Old 05-09-2010, 07:51 PM
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You too LR happy mothers day.

I think this may just warrant conversation privately if you are in agreement sometime. I have lots to say from my own experience of the above described definitions but I suspect what I would have to say would prompt you to want to say more than you may feel comfortable on here.

Its all very interesting and I'm hoping you don't think I am prescribing my version of it all on to your life. That isn't my intention. I am simply interested in what it all means to you in comparison to what it all means to me. I want to understand if I am to witness and support you both in your collaring cerrmony.
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  #133  
Old 05-10-2010, 01:12 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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RP-you should know by now that you can ask me anything! There are some things I won't answer here YET-because until we are..... confirmed it's not fair to do so-fair to our negotiations I mean.

BUT-I was having a blast today researching and came across more to share!
I figure if we are going to have a BDSM thread on here-we may as well fill it up with all sorts of info yes?

Ari-Thx!

I edited to add this piece of trivia-the things I'm quoting (including the definitions) aren't necessarily my personal two cents-they are things I've found in various places online.
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  #134  
Old 05-10-2010, 01:13 AM
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Default Found at "http://dennisnajee.blogspot.com/"

Total Power Exchange


This is where a great deal of the confusion comes into the picture. There are many who write stuff about the M/s lifestyle who go counter to this idea. Somehow they believe that M/s does not require a total exchange of power. I strongly disagree. This is the fundamental fact that separates M/s from D/s.

In a true Master/slave relationship, all power resides in the hands of the Master (Mistess). This is unequivicol. The slave retains no rights whatsoever. When opting for this structure, one is agreeing to give all control over to the other. He or she simply becomes another piece of property to be used as the Master sees fit. Whatever the decision, it is up to her to follow and obey. Each task needs to be completed to the best of her ability.

I encounter so many who are ready to agree to this idea. However, they usually are the ones who believe they are online slaves. M/s cannot occur online. It is impossible to serve via the Internet. (More on that in a moment). Another fundamental quality of M/s is that a slave is there to serve. Her position is to do things that make her Master's life easier. It is not for her to co-dictate what transpires. If that were the case, the breakdown of power would be split. This is not what occurs in M/s.


Service


This is another point that is lost when talking with these "slaves". They totally overlook the fact that their entire existence, if they are true slaves, is to serve. Many state they are sex slaves only. Therefore, they do not tend to the chores that require attention. There service is in the bedroom only. Once again, this is incorrect. While many domination/submission relationships are structured this way, it is not one of Master/slave. Instead, it is another form of D/s. The submissive is a sub as opposed to a slave. The reasoning is she retains some rights and say so over her life. A slave does not enjoy this luxury.

Slavery means that you do whatever is required of you. Your service is based upon the needs of the Master, not your own. As I am writing this, my slave is ironing clothes before she heads off to work. Part of her service to me is earning income which is turned over to me to lighten my financial burden. She is also responsibile for all household chores. Finally, she is the one who runs the different errands that I need handled such as going to the library and paying the water bill. These are activities that I need completed which fall to her as my slave.

Notice how my sexual needs are not even mentioned. I can tell you this is a part of her service but not her main calling in life. Like anyone else, I have a life outside the bedroom. Therefore, I have responsibilities which I turn over to her for completion. In each situation, I expect her to finish the required task unless there is a viable reason why it cannot be.


Property


This is another concept that is overlooked by many. Few can truly imagine the length that one needs to travel to deflate the natural ego whereby the proper mindset is acquired. Thinking of oneself as property is a challenge and goes against the natural teachings of society. We are all raised to believe that we are important; that our individuality matters. Opting to live as a slave means that you adopt a lifestyle where you are secondary. Everything is done in an effort to benefit the Master.

Another aspect of this idea is that anything you are granted is only by choice. A slave has a right to nothing. Many seem to want to instill many the qualities of a traditional relationship into M/s. These seem to think that it is a basic relationship with some kink. As you can guess, I believe this is incorrect.

One thing that often arises in conversations is the idea that a Master might bring in other slaves. Many seem to claim that they only want a monogamous relationship. Again, this is something that I believe is a wonderful way for people to go. However, in a true M/s situation, the Master has the right to interact with whomever he so chooses. Getting back to the property idea, a lounge chair is not going to get upset if you buy another lounge chair for the room. Property has no say in the moves you make. The same is true here.

Jealousy is an animal that is difficult to harness. However, it can only serve to destroy a Master/slave relationship. A Master has a right not only to bring another in, but also to interact with each person as he sees fit. Many slaves believe they have some say or that they will retain the primary role. Nothing is further from the truth. A slave can be cast aside while being relegated to menial tasks if that is what the Master chooses. Certainly, there are times it is not a pleasant way to live.

Online Slavery


To me, online slavery is nothing more than role playing. As mentioned, service is a vital component to any M/s situation. That being said, I fail to see how one can serve another while online. From what I have seen, online M/s becomes a camming session with sex being the only criteria for submission. In fact, other than having one masturbate for you, what else can she accomplish online? How can she do your laundry, clean the house, run errands, or pay bills? The answer is that she cannot. Online becomes a way for people to assume certain roles. That is all.

One sidenote on this idea, online can be a beginning of a real time M/s relationship. Therefore, some training can occur in terms of making a slave aware of the expectations that one will have. Testing her with tasks such as writing or mailing you things is a terrific way to see her commitment. However, this is not to be mistaken for a true M/s situation. Many will tell there "Master" they are following his orders while simply ignoring the request. And, even if she is found out, what is he to do.

The bottom line is so much fraud is present in the online BDSM world because it is so easy to mimic reality. Anyone can read a few blog posts then proclaim to be anything he or she wants. In the end, truth is based upon the word of the other person. Sadly, this often lacks much integrity. I heard of one woman who has 18 Masters at the same time. I am certain at least a few of them believed she was real. How mistaken they are.


For Only A Few


The reality of the M/s world is that only a few have the makeup to live as slaves. It is not an easy road to travel. There are many times where there is a great deal of disappointment and dissatisfaction. Under normal conditions, one might have a say in how things proceed forward. Not in M/s. The Master is the one in control and he has the ability to change the structure of the relationship at any time. Perhaps he decides to bring in a new one and lavish all the attention on her. Or, perhaps he opts to make you a houseslave only. Or, maybe he decides to send you out to do two jobs. Or, he may tell you to service all his friends and loan you out on weekends. Whatever the choice, it is his to make and yours to obey.

Does this sound radical to you? For many it is. The fundamental makeup of M/s is too extreme for the majority. While they want to proclaim themselves slaves, they cannot overcome the cries of the ego for individual satisfaction. A true slave gains pleasure through serving. This is another one of those ideas which is counter to our culture but crucial if one is to live as a slave. Personal gain is removed from one's life. Everything you have is no longer yours. The exchange of power is in full effect 24/7. And, there is nothing you can do to alter that reality. This is what being a slave really is.
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  #135  
Old 05-10-2010, 07:37 AM
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Ahem,,,, I object to this writers idea of what it means to be a master or dominant and what it means to be a slave or submissive.... to me it is my own relationships that dictate what is comfortable and what is not... this angers me to some extent because it indicates some masters attitudes that they are all knowing and we are all slaves to their beefed up idea of what BDsm is for EVERYONE. I am not his slave and my version of what is an appropriate definition is not and will not be defined by him.

It aggravates even more that he is male. I find quite often that men who identify as master or male dominants think that they can speak for mistresses and female dominants such as myself. It's bullshit and I object. I agree with some of what he says but his attitude of superiority, especially that this is documented on line, concerns me and is quite frankly rude and disrespectful to anyone who identifies as dominant. I do not wish to be classified with the likes of this man or anyone like him.

I would suggest that his way of doing things is a bit old school and there is definitely room for that. There are community members that believe that puritanism is important and that anyone who does not hold true to the rules are not practicing BDsm. To me that limits any chance of BDsm being understood and respected as a legitimate lifestyle choice.

When rules are laid down then rigidity sets there can only be damage to the people practicing them. The whole idea is to make ones life their own... a contract is a very good idea because it sets that up... this writer is not whiling to allow us that choice. Especially not someone who self identifies as dominant!

What, am I suppose to be getting Nerdist to do all the ironing if I want to be able to identify as a mistress?! okay, he does all the ironing... bad example.. but you get my point. I can identify as what ever I chose and don't have to have this writer tell me how to do it properly.
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  #136  
Old 05-10-2010, 12:49 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I think Mono should help Nerdist with the ironing once in a while, don't you?
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  #137  
Old 05-10-2010, 02:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I think Mono should help Nerdist with the ironing once in a while, don't you?
Well he does know how to iron, being a military man and all...hmmmm :P
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  #138  
Old 05-10-2010, 03:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Well he does now how to iron, being a military man and all...hmmmm :P
I swear I will put creases in all your jeans...pants must be creased!
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  #139  
Old 05-10-2010, 05:27 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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So, Saturday night, Easy, Asha, and I were all together. (Sunday opted out for various reasons.) Easy dominated Asha and had her do some things which made me uncomfortable, but she did them. I think I'm finding them triggering, because it's been bothering me ever since. Not huge, relationship-destroying bother, but niggling at the back of my mind and making me feel ooky bother. I love them both and I want them to be happy. I've tried to opt out of these situations, but they assure me that they want me involved. I want them to get their needs met. I know that I would have a tough time being excluded, and I think that they are trying their best not to exclude me. I'm pretty sure that my relationship with Sunday is going nowhere fast, so it's absolutely clear that if Easy and Asha were to be together alone I would be somewhere else alone, which they've said they don't really want, and honestly would be hard for me. I'm afraid to say anything to Easy because he is SO afraid of doing anything to hurt me that ANY mention of anything that could be construed as negative emotion causes him to completely over-react, such as back off so far that he might have to set up house in another country.

It was hard for me to see Easy be this way with Asha. He takes care of me, is loving and kind and very concerned with my well-being. I didn't like seeing him act toward Asha in a way that I would find cruel. I asked him why he did it, and he said that he sensed that she wanted it, which is very in keeping with my picture of Easy. I'm very submissive to Easy, but I know that if I pushed back he'd back off, and after twenty years he knows what I would find humiliating. So how do we balance that I don't like to watch him "humiliate" Asha, even if she likes it? I would love to take some suggestions about this situation. I'd like to think that I'll eventually get used to it or some other solution will present itself, but *right now* and *right here* this is raising my stress level and I don't think I can't handle anxiety centered around what is normally a very relaxing activity.

ETA: I've thought of trying to press them for rules, as rules are very reassuring for me and help me not be anxious, but they aren't as into the rules as I am and I'm afraid of making *their* sex-lives unfulfilling.

Last edited by Lemondrop; 05-10-2010 at 05:31 PM.
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  #140  
Old 05-10-2010, 06:37 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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RP- He wasn't making a list for a Dominant should be like. This was a post SPECIFICALLY about what a Master/slave relationship is OPPOSED to what a Dom/sub relationship is.

Anyway-it doesn't matter at all to me what he thinks-because I have no intent to be a slave to any master.

My point behind posting it is that Master/slave is one form of D/s. There are a number of others.

I know RP from the few things I've read and the things Maca has shared with me that your BDSM experiences differ from ours-but ours AND yours also differ from what is defined as a "Master/slave" relationship.

The reason I wanted to share this point of view (FYI-it's commonly posted on the net, this was only one example) was so you could understand a little more clearly what ours is not.



JUST IN CASE anyone wonders-as I said before, I don't necessarily agree with that which I quote. Just sharing.

BUT-I'm totally all for Mon doing some ironing!
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