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  #1  
Old 05-09-2010, 10:30 PM
surfer surfer is offline
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Default how often do you see your secondary partners?

I was talking to a friend about polyamory and he said "well it's not really a girlfriend if you only see her once a week" and I certainly don't agree with that, but I do think he has a point that in the mono world, girlfriend/boyfriend is someone you're seeing several times a week.

Are their poly folks who also see their non-live-in secondary partners ever few days? I have the feeling the more common scenario is seeing them every week or two, but wanted to get input from y'all.

(oh and if someone has already asked this, sorry and just point me to the thread, I couldn't find this question in the archives)
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by surfer View Post
I was talking to a friend about polyamory and he said "well it's not really a girlfriend if you only see her once a week" and I certainly don't agree with that, but I do think he has a point that in the mono world, girlfriend/boyfriend is someone you're seeing several times a week.

Are their poly folks who also see their non-live-in secondary partners ever few days? I have the feeling the more common scenario is seeing them every week or two, but wanted to get input from y'all.

(oh and if someone has already asked this, sorry and just point me to the thread, I couldn't find this question in the archives)
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by surfer View Post
I was talking to a friend about polyamory and he said "well it's not really a girlfriend if you only see her once a week" and I certainly don't agree with that, but I do think he has a point that in the mono world, girlfriend/boyfriend is someone you're seeing several times a week.

Are their poly folks who also see their non-live-in secondary partners ever few days? I have the feeling the more common scenario is seeing them every week or two, but wanted to get input from y'all.

(oh and if someone has already asked this, sorry and just point me to the thread, I couldn't find this question in the archives)
This probably isn't going to be a useful answer at all. I would say enough to maintain a healthy relationship without taking away from other relationships. For me it varies with the week and with what else is going on in everyone's lives.

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Old 05-10-2010, 02:08 AM
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logically, that's how it would have to be, especially if it's a V without the top 2 connected. :/ only 18 hours in a work day, and weekends tend to go quick
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Old 05-10-2010, 02:29 AM
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Every week, and spend 2-3 days each time. I live with my primary, so he gets me the rest of the week.
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Old 05-10-2010, 03:00 AM
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Since I'm single, I don't have a primary or any secondaries. I do have 4 lovers though. One of them is a guy I've known for 10 years and I only see him for about a week at a time and only once a year. But I still consider him a soul mate and lover.....he is a very important person in my life.

Two of my lovers work out of town during the week, so they are only here during the weekends. I probably spend one to two nights per month with each of them. But, I have known them 11 years and 6 years.

It would probably be different if these were new relationships.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:46 AM
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there has to be a better term than "single" for someone with many lovers... seriously, is there not some other term? I don't know of one... anyone?

As for the questions at hand. I see Mono and Nerdist everyday. I see Derby about once a week... sometimes more, sometimes less. I see my tersiary every two weeks,,, right now every week. I have an on going date with another man for once a month. We see it as dating, but we have not and will not ever have sex. We call it non sexual wife swapping (nsws) as his wife sees Nerdist under similar pretenses.. although I don't think they are as close as me and this man are. I also have an on-line submissive. Who perhaps one day will be in my life for real. he lives here, but his life is not ready to have me be a full time mistress to him. I doubt very much at this point that he is ready for that, so we are seeing where it will go.

How's that for a long answer...

really it's up to you and whomever you are involved with.
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  #8  
Old 05-10-2010, 04:01 PM
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Thanks for the replies so far, it's great to hear other's perspectives.

FoxFlame, Idealist, good points, very true that the length of the relationship and geographic location, work schedules, etc. factor into all this quite heavily.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:57 PM
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We all three live together. I see both men every day.
BUT-when we didn't live together I generally saw GG at least 3-4 times a week and we talked EVERY day.

The week Maca and I just spent in Seattle, I spoke with GG at least twice a day, morning and evening. I also wrote to him several times that week.
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Old 05-10-2010, 08:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Everyday, almost without fail. We both need that.
Me too! But I think it is an average of more like once every two weeks. We speak and catch glimpses of eachother more often but alone time probably every two weeks. There have been stretches where it is once a week for a couple of hours but I would LOVE a guaranteed once a week and would be the happiest girl on Earth if it was even a few moments everyday! Workin' on it!
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