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  #121  
Old 05-08-2010, 04:17 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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While I engage in a D/s poly lifestyle, I try to keep my head mostly out of "The Community"...just for this reason,...So many people trying to fit everyone else, in nice, little, cookie-cutter packages, so they don`t have to feel threatened by anothers differences.

The twist is ; when you do find great minded people,..it is soooooo fantastic.
I have been like this for a while, in fact keeping everything in house for me something clicked this last fall when I opened up to poly, and I guess now I am considering going to the community to find myself again. While i would never have hit up the community before, I find myself looking around at my friends and missing that ability to "talk shop"...

Don't get me wrong, everyone know i am kinky...but its odd not to be able to just talk about things i enjoy without being looked at like a perv...not to mention surrounding myself with like minded people will be good in general...

I agree with the last sentiment too......I guess thats why I keep coming back here
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  #122  
Old 05-08-2010, 04:39 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Oh, I don`t hide from meeting people,..not at all. I should clarify.

I meant in 'forums'.... I tend to stay out of the forum threads.

This place, is one of few places I have found, where there isn`t to much in politics. Of course there is some in every crowd, no place is immune. Here, it just doesn`t seem to be overwhelming.

I have no urge to beat people over the head with my opinion. I am of the 'Live and let live' variety.


I`ve always said 'There is a difference between having a opinion, and being opinionated. I seek the people that understand that difference. '

BDSM by nature, is a hard place to avoid opinionated people.

I definetly agree about enjoying being around people of like minds. My husband and I, have for the past year, enjoyed making new friends with our move to Calgary.
Friends, where we don`t have to 'hide' a certain aspect of ourselves.

It is a wonderful thing, to just be yourself, and know those around you, 'get it'. It can bring about a type of inner peace, that I highly endorse.
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  #123  
Old 05-08-2010, 07:20 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
While I engage in a D/s poly lifestyle, I try to keep my head mostly out of "The Community"...just for this reason,...So many people trying to fit everyone else, in nice, little, cookie-cutter packages, so they don`t have to feel threatened by anothers differences.
Maca and I certainly don't participate in "The Community" when it comes to D/s. For one-we wouldn't know where to find anyone where we live who is involved. But more importantly-we really aren't interested in sharing our D/s relationship and therefore-we have no need to find others to share it with.
When I say "share" I mean-at all, not just in the sense of doing it "together".

So often I read about how people feel like they can be "out".

For me-I just AM out. I've always just surrounded myself with people who can accept me for who I am, so it hasn't been a big difficulty telling them that we're poly or that we're into D/s etc......

I am not trying to be catty. I just find it VERY intriquing and curious how few people seem to be able to live like this...
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 05-08-2010 at 07:22 PM. Reason: merge posts
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  #124  
Old 05-08-2010, 09:44 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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LR, I think they don't live like your definition because it seems to me that your definition doesn't include certain aspects. Actually, from what I understand, and I must admit I don't quite understand, some people live in relationships where one is more dominant than the other and they think that is how it is or should be. All the while not being aware of Ds lifestyles.

The full on Ds relationships I have experienced have been very much about a kind of service that includes humiliation, depriviation, pain, and complete submission of everything. I don't practice that with any of my partners at the moment, but hope to work with a man that has come into my life in that way.
Really, if you were completely submissive in the way I am used to, maca would dictate when, how long and what you are allowed to say on here. You would refer to him as your master and would speak in terms of what master wants you to say and what master wants you to write. What you write would be masters thoughts, masters opinion, not your own.

What you describe as your Ds relationship is unique, and all yours, but a much milder version than I am accustomed to.

Actually, truth be told, your relationship on the outside seems similar to mine in that I tell my partners how I want to be dominated. To me, in my life, that is still being dominant because I am still telling them what to do. Sometimes my dominancy comes from the above description.
Again, I await more details of your version that only come from being around each other. Perhaps all will be revealed more when we are together. Even so, what you require and develop is all yours and therefore not necessarily feasable or desirable to others.
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  #125  
Old 05-08-2010, 09:59 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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If I understand correctly, LR's and maca's BDsm doesn't depend on externalizing via a social scene. They are not into going to meetings and shows and clubs to "play" but rather incorporate it into their private life, just as they would if they were cooking dinner. I rather like that better than doing BDsm as a performance for an audience. That is not to say there is anything wrong with the club/social scene. It is however more along the lines of what I would do if I decided to take up BDsm with my husband. (the way it is now, I am happy with the occasional spanking).
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  #126  
Old 05-08-2010, 10:14 PM
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Just to clarify, I am not talking about shows or social gatherings of any kind. I'm talking about lifestyle.
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  #127  
Old 05-09-2010, 12:51 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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RP-

There is a difference between Master/slave and Dom/sub.

As to the details-there are a lot of details that depend upon the people involved. If you pull (and there are many so I won't torment all of you with lists of links) D/s contracts they leave open the possibilities of what is and what is not acceptable in any given D/s relationship, whether it's only as long as one scene at one event or long lasting or 24/7.

Additionally-almost ALL of them include the stipulation of a time frame and or circumstance for changing details of the contract.

As for the details of mine and Maca's-I'm not willing to share what we do or don't participate in, because as of yet we haven't consummated a permanent contract. We're in the stage of identifying what things are and what things are not hard limits. So it's impossible to say what is or is not part of our D/s.



Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I am not trying to be catty. I just find it VERY intriquing and curious how few people seem to be able to live like this...
Just to be clear-when I wrote the above sentence, I wasn't refering to people being unable to live a D/s or BDSM lifestyle, or a poly lifestyle.

I was referring to people being unable to just be themselves in real life with the people that they encounter.

For me-if I walk out of my front door with bruises on my body put there because I wanted them there, then so be it (which I did this week often).
If I want to walk out there and kiss my bf AND my DH so be it. (which I didn't do this week).

But whatever it is that makes me ME, that's who I am and I find it astonishing how few people live as themselves in their "real" lives.

We don't do scenes, or clubs or social events and we don't put on a show for others.

But it's not strictly kept to our "private life" either.

We do have rules for public and private behavior and agreements that we have already made that include restrictions/obligations that others can and do notice publicly.
But we don't do them for that purpose, nor do we feel like we need to explain ourselves to them.
IF they ask I am inclined to answer honestly-but I don't care one way or the other what they think about it and it won't change how I react.

For example-there is one part of our D/s relationship that he can request I do anytime-and he found it quite fascinating to do so at church. It's not a church "appropriate" activity-but I don't ever refuse. EVER. Which would be why I did it in church a week ago.

It caught attention-someone asked me about it. My reply was "M says so, s obeys." End of conversation.
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 05-09-2010 at 12:14 PM. Reason: merge posts
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  #128  
Old 05-09-2010, 07:25 AM
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LR-I guess the relationships I have encountered are more on the master/slave side then... hmmm.... I thought they were somewhat the same. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, there seems to be controversy around the definition... big surprise there seems to be for everything to do with sub culture definitions.

Anyway, what ever works really as long as you are comfy and enjoying.
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  #129  
Old 05-09-2010, 06:53 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Master/slave tend to be Total Power Exchanges. However many D/s relationships aren't Total Power Exchange relationships.

What you described is definitely spot on for a TPE relationship, which is one type of D/s.
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  #130  
Old 05-09-2010, 07:11 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Default Just for your entertainment-some definitions :)

Dominance and submission - description used in reference to a relationship or scene that is strictly one of power exchange, no sadomasochistic acts are involved.

Dominant - a person who possesses a dominating persona and enjoying taking control. Dominants may or may not have sadistic tendencies. Also known as a 'Top'.

Domination - the erotic control consensually imposed on a submissive. This can be via physical and/or verbal means.

Erotic Power Exchange - another term for SM but is a little more 'vanilla' and socially acceptable.

Limits - a set of personal guidlines and boundaries an individual has in regards to type of play and/or BDsM activities he or she does not wish to experience or partake in. These include anything that can cause mental, physical, or emmotional distress to the individual. Some people have two different sets of limits; soft limits,that are limits that are scary for the person to imagine but are not totally out of the realm of possiblity and Hard Limits, those are things that the person does not ever wish to experience or explore.

Masochist - used to describe a person that enjoys receiving erotic pain. A masochist may or may not have submissive qualities.

Negotiate - conversation held for the purpose of outlining the details of a scene or D/s relationship. It is necessary that all parties agree on the specifics of the scene or relationship before any play or service occurs.

Power exchange - the consensual giving up of control by the bottom and accepting of control by the Top during an SM scene or relationship. Used as a synonym for SM.

Property - a person who is in a contracted relationship with a Dominant that relates to the submissive in an Ownership manner. A submissive who is considered property must get permission from their owner before any interaction takes place with another Dominant.

Sadist - a person who specifically enjoys administering pain. A Sadist is not necessarily dominant, nor is a Dominant necessarily sadistic.

Sadomasochism - a term used to describe erotic activities that involve dominance, submission, or the giving and receiving of pain.

Slave - a submissive that lives it to a deeper level and is usually specialized in one or more areas (valet, maid, chef, companion).

SM, S & M - sadomasochism; erotic power exchange .

Submissive - a person who enjoys giving control over to a Dominant and derives pleasure from serving the needs of that Dominant.

Total Power Exchange - a relationship in which the Dominant is in total control over the submissive and dictates all activities.

Verbal humiliation - a scene that involves degrading a submissive using insults and name-calling. These types of scenes must be negotiated beforehand to assure no emotional limits are crossed.

OK that's all of the entertainment for today.
Seriously though-I feel like CRAP today. My ears are all plugged up and everything sounds weird-so copy/pasting is better than trying to have a conversation in the real world!
Hope you are all having a good day.

Happy Mothers Day RP! I hope you have a GREAT day today with the boy!!!xoxox
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