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  #21  
Old 07-14-2009, 08:25 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
still working on complete compersion first.
Compersion seems to have fallen into our lap to a large degree...it's the external stuff that we are navigating a bit more cautiously in regards to our future. There is Redpepper's primary extended family to consider, the welfare of her child first and foremost. The beauty is the external stuff does not take away from our love and commitment. We are growing constantly and need to be patient and respectful to the health of others that will be impacted now.

It's nice to move away from the internal struggles for sure though. There is a security and almost team sense of showing people how healthy and possible this is. To us it just seems so natural

I think there may even be a little analyasis from other poly friends we have in watching us realize some of our goals and wondering if the aquiring is as good as the desiring...it's not always about the chase
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  #22  
Old 07-14-2009, 10:56 PM
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Aquiring is as good in IMO.......desire is the appetizer, aquire the main course and long term happiness the dessert......so happy for you that compersion has fallen into your lap....we are still working toward that. Hopefully it arrives soon!
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  #23  
Old 07-16-2009, 07:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
SK, even though we three are not yet "all in" on the same page with the "V", I can tell you living under the same roof with the two women you want to share the rest of your life with is something very special.
I must admit I am a tad jealous.... although I think in our case we should not rush... the time will come when it comes and it will be god for all of us. I don't think my husband is ready for that kind of change.
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  #24  
Old 07-16-2009, 12:18 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Redpepper, thanks but looking back on it I don't think my wife was completely honest with herself at the time of our 3rd moving in with us, but due to other circumstances at the time, we had no other option. Perhaps that is why my wife is still struggling with gaining compersion now even though we three are such a good fit for each other? It's probably better if your husband absorbs the idea at his own pace and makes the decision easy for you and Mono. As you say, it's a work in progress.....my wife likes to say that even though we're all living together, it's still an "engagement" period. The rings will come later, when she's ready.
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  #25  
Old 07-17-2009, 02:42 PM
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It's probably better if your husband absorbs the idea at his own pace and makes the decision easy for you and Mono. As you say, it's a work in progress.....my wife likes to say that even though we're all living together, it's still an "engagement" period. The rings will come later, when she's ready.
yes, I kind of wondered if perhaps it was fast when you said it had been since the new year that you three had changed the status of your relationship. I know you have all known each other for many years, but I considered that perhaps that didn't make it any easier. I hope that you are able to ride it out for now, the intensity must be difficult sometimes if you are all under the same roof. I know we here need our down time away from each other in order to think things out and check in with ourselves. Being always together would make that difficult.

I think about the basic things when I think about all living together. Mono is a keener when it comes to fixing things and I wouldn't want ot him to start in on that here.... we are both not and there is a lot to do... that kind of thought process. We would have to have a long talks about expectations around so many things. yes, I think that can all wait for now as I am enjoying having another home to be at and my time just with my married family at the moment.
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  #26  
Old 07-17-2009, 03:59 PM
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yes, I think that can all wait for now as I am enjoying having another home to be at and my time just with my married family at the moment.
There's also the little issue of parking for my secondary
Things are progressing just fine Love...absolutely fine.
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  #27  
Old 07-17-2009, 04:05 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Redpepper voila!....., I think you've hit the nail squarely on the head. I am a concrete person. I know what I like when I see it. I do what I need to do in life. And I do it now. I didn't realize what a monkey wrench I'd thrown into our relationship or the effect it would have. The familiarity and the long term friendship of us 3 has made it easier, perhaps too easy and that has made me feel that we could move along at a much faster pace than most. I haven't been able to appreciate the "engagement period" because I didn't really see the need for one. But I guess you are right. Some aspects of this need to move slower and I have to be able to accept that, even though it makes no sense to me, the logical, practical one.
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  #28  
Old 07-17-2009, 04:08 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Yes parking! We have a two car garage and now 3 cars! My wife is granfathered in automatically. I left it being whichever one of us other two gets home first, gets the other spot! I ain't gonna add on another garage just cause I added on another love! lol
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  #29  
Old 07-17-2009, 05:24 PM
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Wow, this is something to think about! Good responses so far, everyone.

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Originally Posted by vandalin View Post
I never liked the "dating scene" and I suppose you could call me, up to this point, a serial monogamist. I prefer being in a relationship then just dating. Although as a growing person, I'm willing to make exceptions as long as it stays within the agreed boundaries.

I think I would prefer a triad, perhaps even a house sharing triad. I would love for both of my men to be "Primaries" although that kinda goes against the meaning of the word, but that is how I feel about both of them.
Emphasis is mine. My fiance and I are definitely not keen on the dating scene, although he's had much more experience than I have. I tend to date my friends and have never actually been on a first date!

We, too, are interested in a triad. A V arrangement would not be suitable for either of us. We are not looking into polyamory for multiple partners or to form an open marriage... I believe poly-fidelity is the term for what we're looking for?

He is heterosexual, and I have no desire to add more men into my life. I am wishing to explore my bisexuality and find the idea of a girlfriend very exciting, emotionally as well as sexually. (More so emotionally, though!) My fiance is my best friend, yes, but he is a man and fundamentally there are just some things we cannot share. I think fondly of what nice experience it would be to have another woman in my life that I feel as strongly for as I do for him.
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  #30  
Old 07-17-2009, 06:04 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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You can always be a "polyfidelitous" V with you, your finace and another woman if you should be lucky enough to find the right individual and your fiance is able to blend her into the relationship and love her as you do, and vice-versa. Polyfidelity would mean you and your other two (fiance and other woman) would be monogomous only to your group. Are you looking for many sexual partners or only to maintain a strict monogomous relationship with your fiance and another woman? And them likewise with you?

Last edited by Mark1npt; 07-17-2009 at 06:06 PM.
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