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  #51  
Old 05-05-2010, 07:43 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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triad...all 3 people have a relationship together...in turn 4 total relationships (you with gf, gf with bf, you with bf and then the 3 way)

V...really just 2 couples, with one person being common...The point of the V would be you...your gf and you bf would each be a leg

The reason for labels...is labelling...makes things clear. My wife and I have been in a triad...it describes a different relationship than someone in a V...

Quote:
how do you find someone who doesn't mind being considered second best?
That is a magical question....the chances are, you don't...but there are sometimes people out there, currently in primary relationships that don't mind having you as their secondary...

I have also seen on okc, the odd person quite simply explain they aren't interested in a primary relationship at all...they want to remain "single" while ethically dating a few people.

If you are looking for a 3rd wanting to commit to a long term triad as a secondary AND be monogamous to the triad/v...well...that would be an unfair expectation.
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  #52  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:09 PM
lovemaggy lovemaggy is offline
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um, well i am not interested in finding another woman that wants a relationship with me AND my husband....just with me. my husband has no interest in having any other relationship other than with me.

what would that be called? i also have no interest in being in a secondary relationship with another man and woman....i only want a secondary relationship with one other woman..that is all.

thanks for the help everyone.
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  #53  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:14 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Still a V...

So, curious, you want to engage in a relationship with a woman who is monogamous with you? Just trying to clarify...thats a tough find and some would say unfair to your potential secondary.

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  #54  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:14 PM
lovemaggy lovemaggy is offline
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also! the future woman in this secondary relationship with me would be by no means limited to only being with me. that definitely would be unfair. just so long as she is honest and uses precaution etc etc ...same gtoesfor me and my husband of course
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  #55  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:14 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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everytime these conversation come up, sometimes I just wish I could draw them hahaha...
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  #56  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:18 PM
lovemaggy lovemaggy is offline
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ok now i see why you thought i wanted my potential secondary partner not to have another partner other than myself....i think i would just prefer, and my husband would be more comfortable with, if the other more primary partner of hers was not another man......but i wouldn't rule it out entirely....but it is natural to have preferences
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  #57  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:20 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemaggy View Post
ok now i see why you thought i wanted my potential secondary partner not to have another partner other than myself....i think i would just prefer, and my husband would be more comfortable with, if the other more primary partner of hers was not another man......but i wouldn't rule it out entirely....but it is natural to have preferences
Absolutely...we all have them ...enjoy the journey and all of its ups and downs...its quite a ride
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  #58  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:20 PM
lovemaggy lovemaggy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
everytime these conversation come up, sometimes I just wish I could draw them hahaha...

like....with crayons?

or are you being rude?

sorry i really can't tell...i didn't want to bring this up but i am also autistic ...functioning....but sometimes i just don't get what someone is trying to express to me..

so far only a couple of poly people have been nice to me, so it wouldn't be all that shocking
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  #59  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:23 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemaggy View Post
like....with crayons?

or are you being rude?

sorry i really can't tell...i didn't want to bring this up but i am also autistic ...functioning....but sometimes i just don't get what someone is trying to express to me..

so far only a couple of poly people have been nice to me, so it wouldn't be all that shocking
wow...no I was being serious...and sarcastic (serious sarcasm )...sometimes drawing these relationship structures out is easier than trying to explain them (like flow charts). I was going to write out an example of what I meant by 2 couples and one person in each being each others secondaries...its just so messy to write...

sorry for the misunderstanding...and sorry some poly people haven't been nice. If anything poly people have been exceptional in my fairly new experience. The ones I have encountered are awesome. This site has a lot of great people to help bounce stuff off of
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  #60  
Old 05-05-2010, 08:26 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I was going to write out an example of what I meant by 2 couples and one person in each being each others secondaries...its just so messy to write...
It is not so messy as you think. That would be a "Z" or "N" for two couples with one person in each being involved together. I don't think it describes which are "primary" and which are "secondary" relationships though.
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