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  #41  
Old 05-02-2010, 07:57 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I remember dating a million guys that thought that and unfortunately I let a few of them fuck me. It made me feel like an object and I set my self worth on that. That seems to be a lot of what dating is, especially when one is older and looking for love on dating sights.

Good for you for just leaving. I wish I had a few times... I was easily led and I consider myself a smart cookie... the trouble is that when I wanted attention and appreciation I let my trust of peoples good intentions get the better of me. Fortunately I found a community to discuss these things with and lovers that do give me attention and appreciation and have restored the values I hold so dear when it comes to sex and love.
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  #42  
Old 05-03-2010, 01:30 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travislang View Post
i am new to the poly lifestyle, and i have been looking for g/f and i have found 3 now, we started talking, then they found out i was married by me telling them i was they stopped talking to me. so my question is this......what is the secret to getting g/f if there even is one. how do find and keep themfrom leaveing after i tell them im married.
Tell them before they become your girlfriends....when you first date be upfront, that way they know what they are investing in. You'll probably get less dates but the ones that happen will be much more promising
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  #43  
Old 05-03-2010, 01:37 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by travislang View Post

thanks for the insight, that is what im doing now, just not getting any dates that way so i waswandering if i was doing something wrong.
Isnt this your 5th post about this topic?...you have one in regional too. I think some were even merged. Why not try those which had suggestions in them to

Secret...I am no poly dating god, but try surrounding yourself with people you think you might want to date. Be honest and be social. Join groups that you might find common ground...like a book club...or larping...or something where you might meet people you can relate to...

Last edited by NeonKaos; 05-03-2010 at 12:58 PM. Reason: quote formatting
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  #44  
Old 05-03-2010, 05:26 AM
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I went through much dating before finding someone worth investing my time in. I lied to a few at the beginning just to get into the dating scene again and then lied because I was not finding interesting women too, men? no problem... I like lesbians, lesbians aren't all that into me I tried lyng and felt terrible.

I decided eventually to just shrug and say off the bat that I am married. I didn't invest anything in any date and just took it as a nice time out. I decided that I would change my attitude towards it. Instead of being needy I decided to be picky. I stumbled along and did some stupid stuff (slept with men I shouldn't have, because they just used me to get off) just because I thought that was how to get someone interested in me and love me.

Just as I was realizing I was making a mockery of my life and actually getting kind of giddily out of control, I met Mono.

You just never know.... It was love at first sight for both of us. We were both pathetic in our own ways and each others salvation... and extremely lucky to have found each other.

Keep at it... remember you are your own primary. Take the time to re-group, connect with yourself, and your wife/family before investing in people. If that foundation isn't there, you will have nothing in the end.
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 05-03-2010 at 12:49 PM.
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  #45  
Old 05-03-2010, 08:57 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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I`ve met a few people off Okcupid,.....all were nice. My only warning is that I find quite a few fakers as with any website. So it pays to take your time and chat, before meeting people.

(...and I don`t mean 'fakers', as a bitter retort. I mean people who say they understand my poly tendencies, but are obviously clueless. )
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  #46  
Old 05-05-2010, 05:57 PM
lovemaggy lovemaggy is offline
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Default what do i do next?

my fiance recently told me that he himself wanted to stay monogamous but that he wants all of my needs to be met, and gave me permission to be polyamorous with other women....i never requested this, but i am open to it!

i have no idea where to start.
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  #47  
Old 05-05-2010, 06:57 PM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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And you found your way here!

A number of people can offer advice on creating a healthy, positive relationship with a third person.

It's good to be honest with the other person from the first. Sure, anyone who needs an exclusive, monogamous relationship will shy away. But leading them on by pretending to offer some form of monogamy and only later revealing that you're looking for a poly relationship will absolutely cause problems.

It's also good to think about what form your relationships might take. Often what you describe is a vee, at least at first, with one person -- you, the hinge -- having two partners. My feeling, and I think others agree, is that it's by far the best if the two people on the legs of the vee can be friends. Certainly they should know about and have met each other.

And also think about how to make sure everyone gets at least some of their needs met. There's that touchy time when love is new -- new relationship energy, NRE -- when it might be easy to forget to give attention to your fiancee. So some initial guidelines might be appropriate, maybe an agreement to have one date night a week with new friends, and a couple of special evenings for your fiancee as well.

But consciousness and awareness is really key -- whether in honesty, relationship shapes, or time management.
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  #48  
Old 05-05-2010, 07:07 PM
lovemaggy lovemaggy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EugenePoet View Post
Often what you describe is a vee, at least at first, with one person -- you, the hinge -- having two partners. My feeling, and I think others agree, is that it's by far the best if the two people on the legs of the vee can be friends. Certainly they should know about and have met each other.
i agree that whomever my second partner is-whenever i finally meet them-should also know my fiance.

but i do not know what a 'vee' is ....? i've heard the term hinge before though

i'm still not entirely sure i want to have another relationship....they are a lot of work and i'm not that great at it....i am taking this very slowly to say the least, and not necessarily trying to meet someone....but if i do..we will just see where we go from there i guess


and YES! honesty is the best policy...i imagine that is far more important in a poly relationship

thanks for the advice btw!
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  #49  
Old 05-05-2010, 07:14 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemaggy View Post

but i do not know what a 'vee' is ....? i've heard the term hinge before though
You should read around on this site. The "Golden Nuggets" section of the forum has a list of links to a lot of threads that keep getting referenced for the useful information contained therein. Start with the "Definitions" thread.
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  #50  
Old 05-05-2010, 07:26 PM
lovemaggy lovemaggy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
You should read around on this site. The "Golden Nuggets" section of the forum has a list of links to a lot of threads that keep getting referenced for the useful information contained therein. Start with the "Definitions" thread.

umm....so..i guess i am slow because i still don't understand the term

what are "arm partners"

what is the reasoning behind creating so many complicated terms? i think it is easier to just say that me and my man are the main relationship...and the future woman i may be with would be my secondary partner, not as important as me and my fiance's relationship....still important though

maybe i answered my own question....are the "arm partners" my fiance and the other woman? ....that would make sense

how do you find someone who doesn't mind being considered second best?
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