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Old 05-01-2010, 04:49 AM
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KatTails KatTails is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ak2381 View Post
Onto the present. They are together tonight. As for me, I had dinner with my mom, got a bubble bath and plan to pull out my book tonight and fall asleep reading. I will be ok. I am ok. This is a good thing. I don't have to worry about DH when he comes home tonight. He has his Kitten back tonight. And I have been in a good mood all day so I know that has helped. I have already choked up a little. That is great in my book. I use to have a good cry each time. It was needed. Nothing horrifying or in need of someone holding me. Just a good cry. Now I just choke up a little and I am able to get through the night. That is improvement, right?

I am still smiling tonight. I have had a good day. J and I chatted alot today. DH was in a good mood when I talked to him earlier. I know I am not done with bad days. I don't think you get over them in a matter of weeks or months. But it does get a little easier, right? You find your pattern or groove.

I got a small flirtatious comment at the gym tonight. It felt good. I know DH isn't ready for me to take the steps into polyamory. Neither am I. But to think someone said something nice to me on a night where I am so lonely felt great. It was very quickly in passing. Over as soon as it began and I will never see the guy again and probably wouldn't recognize hiim if I did. But it felt nice. And I always feel my best and most confident at the gym anyway so that helped.
ak - you are an amazing woman! Knowing your story and the things you have gone through - and hearing how you sound tonight is awesome! You and I have very similar stories (minus the cheating) and it helps me more than you know to hear that it is possible to get to a good place. Do you still struggle? Yes. Do you let it destroy you? No. The way that you are able to reach out to J and really be friends is motivational. It does help that you were friends prior to this - but the strength you have shown by forgiving her and trusting her again is amazing!

As far as getting a flirtatious comment tonight at the gym - woooohoooo! I bet that felt great! I can't remember the last time I had anyone, other than my DH give me a flirtatious comment. I'm sure that put a little spring in your step tonight and helped you feel confident while he is out with her.

MG and DH went out for the day - and I was ok. A little jealous - because him and I don't get that quality alone time that they get. When we are together we always have the kids with us. We don't get 5-6 hours of time alone to go out and do things together. Alot of our conversations are done via texts. So yes, I do get jealous about that. But I'm trying not to....

Enjoy your husband when he comes home to you!
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dynamics, grief, grieving, relationship dynamics, relationships

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