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  #121  
Old 04-30-2010, 09:02 PM
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@Ygirl Lmao at your signature. Maybe it's because threesomes are easier to fall into.
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  #122  
Old 04-30-2010, 11:19 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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@Ygirl Lmao at your signature. Maybe it's because threesomes are easier to fall into.

Easier to fall into than what? assholes?

There is a conversation about lube in another thread.

And it was redpepper who first said what I have in my signature.
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  #123  
Old 05-01-2010, 12:44 AM
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Easier to fall into than what?
My bad, I should've clarified. I meant threesomes are probably easier to fall into as opposed to say...a quad.


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And it was redpepper who first said what I have in my signature.
Yeah, I seen that. Enjoy your weekend.
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  #124  
Old 05-02-2010, 03:16 AM
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AWESOME GS!!!!!
Sharing it with the guys.
Thank you!
LR
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  #125  
Old 05-02-2010, 03:46 AM
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I haven't caught up reading-but wanted to answer the question from my perspective RP.

For me-I RARELY feel jealous or possessive, occassionally "that time of the month" for a few minutes to a couple hours. But not every month. It's rare.


I can be quite territorial about my time/space however.

Ironically I'm generally NOT territorial about Maca-protective-but not territorial. IF someone is attacking him, emotionally, physically, whatever, then I do become territorial and aggressively protective of him.

I am more often territorial about GG. It's been that way for as long as I can remember. YEARS.

For me-I don't need to be defensive of my "territory" with Maca-it's defined since we're married and everyone is WELL aware of our relationship.

However with GG it's RARELY known what our relationship to one another is-and so people tend to step where they sure as hell DO NOT BELONG. Most often in the "well she's JUST a friend so why does her opinion matter?" type bullshit...
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  #126  
Old 05-02-2010, 07:45 AM
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thanks so much for all these opinions and stories. I learn a lot from everyone here and this thread was no acception.

To me jealousy comes when I am not getting my needs met. Either I am not aware of what they are and need to discover them, or I have not set something up in my life to make sure I have them met. Sometimes I need to really need to look at the root of those needs and get them to the raw basics... as I said in another thread on communication I believe. Everyone has the same needs... to be loved, to love, to have time to oneself, to spend time with those we care about... etc. Usually its one of these basic needs that aren't being met that means I am jealous... It is important to me to not over shadow other peoples needs with my own as it is one of my needs to make sure I don't harm others as best I can. This can be tricky and has meant the end of relationships in the past if I or they are unable to get our basic needs met...

for instance, I had a friend that needed support at a time that I needed support also. She was unable to support me as she demanded from me a lot of attention and support with nothing in return to me. She got very angry with me because I became unavailable to her as I was seeking out my own support. I ended our friendship as I wasn't having my basic need for giving support and receiving support met.

I know that sounds rather clinical, but it helps me to think of things this way so I can move negative situations and people out of my life, or move myself out. Life is too shirt to fuss around with negativity and situations that are unable to resolve at the present time. For me it's best to leave them and see what happens in time, or remove myself.

I thought that perhaps jealousy was more of something that came up for couples who seek out a poly relationship as it seems to come up a lot on here that way, but now that I think about it, I think I agree that it is situational and depends on a great many numbers of factors and has varying levels of depth.
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  #127  
Old 05-02-2010, 09:08 AM
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I also agree that envy, jealousy, territoriality etc. is different from situation to situation, and individual to individual.

More important than the presence of these emotions though is what we do with them.

For myself, when I feel the beginnings of such negative emotions beginning to rear their ugly little heads, I stop, take a step back and examine it and its root cause. Then, after I have analyzed and understood it, I talk about it with my husband. It is my sincere belief that if we talk about these things before they become an issue, it is handled and never becomes a problem.

It is not always easy, as it can be hard for any person to admit what they may see as a failing in themselves, and to face the reactions of those they love.

The reality is, we have all (or at least should all have) gotten into this lifestyle for the same reason...LOVE. Whether it is our love for someone other than our initial significant other (I myself do not use primary, secondary, etc. as to me that denotes an imbalance and pecking order), or because our significant other loves someone else as well and we want the person we love to be happy, or whatever other reasons anyone can come up with, we must never loose sight of the fact that love is our guiding force.

My love for my husband makes his happiness the most important thing in the world to me. This means that I WILL NOT allow negative emotions to get in the way of what we are trying to build. This works for us because my happiness is just as important to him, and we deal with each other honestly, openly, and with complete acceptance of the other. As my husband labeled it, we have a full disclosure agreement in our relationship. And with that full disclosure comes full acceptance.

But then, that is us. Everyone is different.
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  #128  
Old 05-02-2010, 05:45 PM
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Originally Posted by sisterinlove View Post
For myself, when I feel the beginnings of such negative emotions beginning to rear their ugly little heads, I stop, take a step back and examine it and its root cause. Then, after I have analyzed and understood it, I talk about it with my husband. It is my sincere belief that if we talk about these things before they become an issue, it is handled and never becomes a problem........

........My love for my husband makes his happiness the most important thing in the world to me. This means that I WILL NOT allow negative emotions to get in the way of what we are trying to build. This works for us because my happiness is just as important to him, and we deal with each other honestly, openly, and with complete acceptance of the other. As my husband labeled it, we have a full disclosure agreement in our relationship. And with that full disclosure comes full acceptance.
This and this! Thanks for saying this... I love when people think like I do
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  #129  
Old 05-02-2010, 06:39 PM
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I'm of the opinion that any given action/thought/feeling is born either of fear or of love.
Sounds like A Course in Miracles rhetoric. Not sure I agree, but it sure sounds good and keeps things in a neat little package.
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  #130  
Old 05-03-2010, 01:49 AM
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Sister

Yes yes yes. It isn't about what you feel-it's about how you act. We all encounter negative feelings at points in our lives-that doesn't mean we have to be negative people with negative behavior!!

XO
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communication, compassion, compersion, emotions, envy, feelings, jealous, jealousy, monogamy, poly, polyamory, possessiveness, relationship dynamics, relationship structures, relationships, respect, self esteem, unconscious

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