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Old 04-29-2010, 12:49 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,433
Default Poly married to a mono, asking for advice

Hi,
I am a poly woman married to a mono man. We have discussed polyamory in the past and talked about rules, etc, but while he stresses that he is comfortable with the idea, not shocked, and that he realises it could work, he is also insecure and afraid.

We talked about it again today, as we hadn't in months, and I felt he needed to be "reminded" that I am poly. In the five years we've been together (2 of them married), I have never had anyone else, and I don't want him to think I could "turn" mono. I simply wanted to take things very slowly to make sure he was comfortable, and also I want to be very careful about who I date when I do have another partner.

I am straight, incidentally.

I was wondering if you had some advice of ways to reassure my husband, advice from monos would be very useful since I'm not entirely sure I understand how he works exactly. Recently (today) he told me it was important to him that I promised never to do things (sexually) with other people that I didn't do with him.
How should I take this? Is that a fear of not being good enough? Is that jealousy because he wouldn't "get" the same treatment?
I don't have anyone else in my life at this stage, but I don't want to make such a promise as it seems to me I will want to do different things with different people and it's only normal. Does anyone understand where I'm coming from?

Any advice from people who have been in my situation or his would be greatly appreciated
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