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Old 04-27-2010, 10:11 PM
Tseras Tseras is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 4
Default Partner deceiving her other partner

Recently my partner of six months F has started dating G, turning our relationship into a V with my partner in the middle. This is our first foray into serious polyamory and I always made my best to be very supprotive of F.

However as their relationship began to progress I realized that F has yet to tell G anything of me or of our polyamory. So as far as G understands F is monogamous and is cheating on her partner (me). For the same reason she was insistant that I do not meet G yet as she does not want him to know about me. Naturally this left a sour taste in my mouth when I found out about this. For me polyamory is about honesty and I do not feel good when my partner goes out of her way to pretend she is not devoted me.

She says that she wants to tell him but doesn't know a way how and is afraid that he will reject her if he finds out that she's poly. She says she's waiting for the right moment, but the longer she waits the more serious their relationship gets and the more damage will be done when she does reveal it!

With that I would like to ask a couple of questions from the more experienced poly folk here.

First of all, is her dishonesty in this case normal for poly relationships or is it a red flag that I should watch out for?

Second, what would be the best way for her to tell him that she is poly?

Third, is it really my concern as to whether or not she is being honest with her other partner, or am I being too meddlesome in her life? Is it really my place to demand her to be honest in this case, especially if it might compromise her relationship?

Finally when is the "right moment" to tell a possible romantic prospect that you're poly?
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affairs, cheating, deception, lying

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