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  #21  
Old 04-25-2010, 04:03 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 16- The polyamorous lifestyle makes them look younger!

Well, my date went well Friday night with the new guy, Tom. I was immediately very attracted to him, so that was good! We had an incredible dinner and then went to an upscale dance club. A very interesting thing happened there!!! Wow!!! Even in the Deep South…… I noticed two couples slow dancing together on the dance floor. All four of them were in a huddle and they danced the entire song like that! That is just something you don’t really see much down here, especially among people in my age group (late 40’s/early 50’s). I watched them for about 30 minutes and noticed that they would change partners and the women would dance together too. You could see that they were very familiar with one another!!! The four of them would huddle up in different configurations…..it was the perfect quad!!! My thought went immediately to my polyamory forum friends and how I can’t wait to share this!!!

Anyway…..one of the women looked like a former client of mine (Lynn). But she looked at least 10 years younger than Lynn. However, I thought “I sure would like to talk to these people, so I’ll act like I think she is my client and that will give me a way to meet them.” So, I tapped her on the shoulder and when she turned around she recognized me…..it was her. I knew them!! So, I complemented them on how good they looked etc and how much fun it looked like they were having!!! I said I need to join my date, but I’d be back.

My date agreed to move to the area where this quad was, so we did. We began to talk and share with them and soon they had included us in the fun!! And it was truly fun!! I was mainly focused on the women, since I already have so many male lovers and what I’m really missing is the female lover energy in my life. My date said that during one time in the evening, Lynn said “she is hot” about me!! So- the way we left it is that my client couple said they would like to see me again, but I’m not sure if they really meant it and if so, exactly what they meant. So- I’m going to let a week or so pass and then contact her. See if she wants to go to lunch and just talk about it with her. They are around my age, both attractive, professional people who have raised their kids and apparently ready for some fun!!!! Now that I think about it, I’m thinking it’s the lifestyle itself that has made them look so young!!!

I had an incredible night last night with John (the best lover I’ve ever had in my entire life)and I’m heading out for another outdoor concert today with Richard, so I will write about that later!!
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  #22  
Old 04-27-2010, 02:18 AM
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 17- Good weekend- fun and sexually rewarding!!

Friday Evening: After spending the evening having dinner and dancing with Tom and the quad that we met at the club (two married couples), I headed home around midnight and had a good night’s sleep. Tom said “I’ll wait until you call me.” But he was unable to honor his own boundary. He called me when I was on the way home and then several times on Saturday as well as a few times on Sunday. He’s just glad to be free from an unhappy marriage and eager to get back out into the dating world. I think he would have spent the entire weekend with me if I would have been available and willing to. But, I am not willing to spend the entire weekend with someone I just met, so…….

On Saturday afternoon, I headed out to an outdoor Music Festival! I made my own Diet Margaritas using a recipe I’ve been working on for several years. (See recipe at the bottom of this post.) John met us out there and we stayed until around 9:00PM. He followed me home and we had some snacks and talked for a while just getting caught up with what’s been going on. We had a nice time in the Jacuzzi and then….well, you know…… he is the best lover and the evening was great!! He’s Italian and very passionate. Although he is only 5’8” tall and has a few extra pounds around the middle, he is a very attractive guy!! And he was extremely loving and affectionate that night. It was awesome and something I really needed!!!

The focus of my relationships is based on enjoying each other’s company and not really focused on the sexual aspect of things, but I am a very sexual and sensual person. I occasionally enjoy spending the entire evening having a sexual encounter which might begin in the Jacuzzi or taking photos and work into a nice long evening of foreplay and culminating in climaxes…..as many as we feel like having.

Even though the sexual part of the relationships is only a small part of them, in terms of time spent together, it is an important part and that’s what makes this polyamory!! Because they are all sexual relationships and when the time is right, we do so enjoy that part of our connections.

John had things to do around his house on Sunday, so I was free to go about my day as I pleased. I had plans to spend the day with Katherine, but she changed her plans and decided to go with a married couple that she hangs around with occasionally. She is not sexual with them, except in a flirty way, but they do have an intimate emotional triad going on.

I called Richard and he wanted to spend the day with me, so I picked him up and we met Katherine and her friends and another group of friends out at an Outdoor Music Concert. The weather was great and the band was exceptional, so we danced a lot and had a great time. I spent the rest of the afternoon with Richard at his house and then went home to enjoy a relaxing evening.......a nice end to a wonderful weekend!!

Recipe for 2 Diet Margaritas!!! (If you consider that a regular margarita is about 800 calories and these are less than 200, you will be amazed at how you can’t tell the difference in taste at all!)

2 Ounces premium Tequila- I’ve been using Hornitos
1 ½ Ounce Grand Gala
1 ounce Roses Lime
8 ounces Minute Made Diet Lemonade
Shake vigorously with ice cubes in a shaker and then pour mixture (with ice) into two glasses.
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  #23  
Old 04-27-2010, 04:26 AM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Thumbs up Diet Margaritas

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Originally Posted by idealist View Post
Recipe for 2 Diet Margaritas!!! (If you consider that a regular margarita is about 800 calories and these are less than 200, you will be amazed at how you can’t tell the difference in taste at all!)

2 Ounces premium Tequila- I’ve been using Hornitos
1 ½ Ounce Grand Gala
1 ounce Roses Lime
8 ounces Minute Made Diet Lemonade
Shake vigorously with ice cubes in a shaker and then pour mixture (with ice) into two glasses.
Just in time for Cinco de Mayo! Saweet!!!
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  #24  
Old 04-27-2010, 02:33 PM
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Just in time for Cinco de Mayo! Saweet!!!
Yes!!! Let me know how you like 'em !!!
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  #25  
Old 04-27-2010, 03:40 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Holy active dating life ...congrats
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  #26  
Old 05-02-2010, 08:58 PM
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 18-Difficult Weekend- lot's of emotions coming up!

I am feeling especially vulnerable, sensitive and emotional today. An in depth discussion with John last night has resulted in introspection and a lot of feelings coming up for me.

John expressed that he does not want to participate in the poly lifestyle. He says that it is not how he is fundamentally made at the core. It seems that our recent reconnection has made him start thinking about having a monogamous relationship with me again.

We were in a monogamous relationship for three years about 11 years ago. During that time, I was especially emotional and I was trying to fit the relationship into some sort of box….trying to define it etc. But it just wasn’t working so we broke up and it was mutual. Then, we dated for 1 ½ years and that ended almost a year ago. I was not emotional during that period and didn’t even cry when we broke up. I was extremely detached emotionally.

But after we broke up, I began to pursue the poly lifestyle and my life turned around. My heart just cracked open and I began to feel deeply. Richard, Steven and Charles were an important part of that heart opening for me. I love them all a lot.

So, almost a year later, my heart is still open and I’ve been enjoying the feelings of love, affection, passion and tenderness for Charles, Richard, Steven and John. Steven lives out of state, so I don’t get to have any physical interaction with him, but I’ve had interaction with the other guys and some female friends too.

When John came back into my life a few months ago, he initially agreed to see me without a commitment or monogamous relationship. I told him about the other guys, but he didn’t ask for details, so I didn’t go into it. I know him well and I knew that he would ask when he wanted to know more. But I didn’t expect him to have a problem with it.

I began to love him and he noticed a difference in me and how I treated him. He noticed how happy I am and he noticed how open my heart is. He thought my change was about just him and that is when he started thinking about having a monogamous relationship with me again.

It is very difficult for me and I am having a hard time with this. I have tried to explain that my heart opened last year after he and I broke up and it’s still open and that’s what he is seeing.

It seemed that I would lose him again last night. Unlike last year when we broke up and I didn’t even cry, last night I cried a lot. He is confused. He can tell that I love him and I don’t want to lose him, but he can’t understand that the reason I am able to love him is because I have Richard and Charles in my life and they are the ones who loved me and accepted my poly lifestyle…..and they are the reason my heart is open now.

I can understand how confusing it must be for him. And because my heart is so open, I feel deeply troubled about what he is going through. It’s sad when two people love one another, but they want different things……we each want a different type of relationship. And because of that, the relationship might not survive. It is, after all a common topic on this forum and that’s why I am sharing here. I know what I need to do, but any feedback is also appreciated.

I plan on spending some quality time alone for the next several weeks and just doing some projects around my house that I’ve been putting off…..things to keep my mind occupied. I have confidence in myself that I will work through this. The pain is great today, but I prefer to feel this pain than to be emotionally shut down like I was last year at this time. I am determined to get through this and stay true to myself.
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Last edited by idealist; 05-02-2010 at 09:23 PM.
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  #27  
Old 05-02-2010, 09:43 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I plan on spending some quality time alone for the next several weeks and just doing some projects around my house that I’ve been putting off…..things to keep my mind occupied. I have confidence in myself that I will work through this. The pain is great today, but I prefer to feel this pain than to be emotionally shut down like I was last year at this time. I am determined to get through this and stay true to myself.
Sorry to hear about the circumstances, I am sure you will work through it. Thanks for sharing, and you never know, now that he knows the true situation he might come back around
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  #28  
Old 05-02-2010, 11:17 PM
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Sorry to hear about the circumstances, I am sure you will work through it. Thanks for sharing, and you never know, now that he knows the true situation he might come back around
Thanks!! Yes, maybe, but he's extremely conservative and fairly rigid. He may come around, but it will take him a while if he does. It's interesting, because in a short time, I had fallen back in love with him. You might think that since I have 3 other male lovers that I would not really have to grieve the loss of one lover. Or that, just being with one of the other ones would serve to alleviate the grief for the loss of one.....but that is so not true!!!

BTW- Steven called today....haven't spoken to him in 2 months....I KNOW he intuited that I needed some support today because we have a spiritual soul connection. That was awesome and I may fly up North to be with him for a few days in July!!!
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Old 05-03-2010, 12:07 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Thanks!! Yes, maybe, but he's extremely conservative and fairly rigid. He may come around, but it will take him a while if he does. It's interesting, because in a short time, I had fallen back in love with him. You might think that since I have 3 other male lovers that I would not really have to grieve the loss of one lover. Or that, just being with one of the other ones would serve to alleviate the grief for the loss of one.....but that is so not true!!!
So true. I had an interesting conversation with my wife last night about my love for our friend. I might decide to share on this site. It was a little intense haha..

either way one thing that came out of that conversation was how, regardless of how much love I get from Pengrah and how much I know my friend care for me, I still had to grieve. Its a process, as you and I discussed via PM

Quote:
BTW- Steven called today....haven't spoken to him in 2 months....I KNOW he intuited that I needed some support today because we have a spiritual soul connection. That was awesome and I may fly up North to be with him for a few days in July!!!
Congrats, a silver lining shines through, looks like your motto works really well for you ...
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  #30  
Old 05-05-2010, 03:08 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 19-Stop Talking and Just Do and Live

Since Sunday, I've been working on a long letter to send to John. Explaining my thoughts and feelings and the poly lifestyle etc. I held off on sending it though. One of the things he said to me when explaining what he wants was "I want someone that wants to be with just me." and "I want someone who wants to travel with me." Well- I do like travelling with John. So, instead of sending this really long letter that I've spent hours on, I sent a link for a Blues Cruise. And, I got a response!! Granted, all he said was "Interesting!" but I still thought that was cool. I know communication is important in relationships, but I have been guilty in the past of overthinking and talking too much with a partner about our relationship. So, I've decided that sometimes it's best just to focus on HAVING a relationship by doing things together and enjoying each other's company!

So-Sunday was difficult, but Monday was better and today I feel almost normal. But, I do find that John is on my mind a LOT which is not something I'm used to. And I haven’t spoken to him since Sunday morning when he left my house. I sent a few text messages on Sunday, but he didn’t answer them.

My friend, Katherine was very supportive and she said “stay true to yourself”. She’s a social worker and I find her to be very self-aware and I respect her feedback and opinions.

I spoke with Charles and Richard about it and they were both supportive. On one hand, it seems I have lost John because I don’t think he will be able to open himself up to polyamory. He is so concerned with “the norm”. He has spoken to some of the people that he knows and they had negative feedback for him. What do you expect in the Deep South?? If he is basing his decision on what his friends and relatives have to say about it….well, there is no way.
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