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Old 04-27-2010, 03:22 AM
all1legs all1legs is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 5
Question Poly dating advice

Hi all!

Thanks in advance for letting me draw upon your experiences and knowledge. Let me give you a little background on myself, and then I'll get to the issue I'd love some input/advice on.

I am in a non-monogomous relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. Our exploration of non-monogomy to this point has mostly involved swinging i.e. sexual experiences with other couples/singles/groups that we participated in as a couple. While we both find the sexual novelty really fun and an invigorating part of our sex lives, I have found myself missing the emotional side of the equation. I love the experience of having a crush, developing an attraction, flirtation... these things turn me on way more than just a straightforward swinger's "play date".

Recently my boyfriend asked me if I was attracted to a friend of his who we have recently been spending a lot of time with. He expressed a thrill at thinking of me with this friend. Since he brought this up, I have felt a real surge of attraction for this friend, whose personality and company I had always enjoyed platonically before this. Our friendship has become increasingly flirtatious, and I am pretty confident that he also has similar feelings for me. I am really interested in moving this beyond a friendship and pursuing some sort of poly relationship with this guy.

My boyfriend helped to pave the way a little by telling his friend about some of our past non-monogamous sexual exploration, but I'm not sure what the next step should be. If I were single, I would feel comfortable steering this friendship into romantic territory, but I don't quite know what is appropriate here. Do I need to sit him down and give him some sort of exposition on my relationship with my boyfriend? Or do I subtly plant hints that my boyfriend and I have some openness in our relationship, and hope he'll make a move?

Has anyone been in a situation like this before? Would love any thoughts/experiences/advice that you have!

xoxo L
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dating, poly dating, polyamory, swinging, third partner

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