just a question Triad vs V - Page 5

NeonKaos · #41 04-26-2010, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper

I feel like there is far to much emphasis on threesomes in poly relationships sometimes. Just as there seems to be far to much emphasis on ass fucking in porn.

Everyone repeat this 10,000 times because it is the absolute truth. If there is one lesson worth taking home it is not "there is no one right way to do poly" and it is not "my poly is not your poly" it is:

[T]here is far to much emphasis on threesomes in poly relationships sometimes. Just as there seems to be far to much emphasis on ass fucking in porn.

In fact, this is going to be my new signature.

Twinkle · #42 04-26-2010, 11:23 PM

I never really considered how a person might feel on the other end of the threesome if you were just indulging whims and was not totally connected to it. Now it makes me understand more about a situation where I might have actually hurt someone by trying to be compromising I was actually setting up false expectations. I really appreciate Red Pepper's frankness to help me understand the other side of this.

Morningglory629 · #43 04-27-2010, 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YGirl

Everyone repeat this 10,000 times because it is the absolute truth. If there is one lesson worth taking home it is not "there is no one right way to do poly" and it is not "my poly is not your poly" it is:

[T]here is far to much emphasis on threesomes in poly relationships sometimes. Just as there seems to be far to much emphasis on ass fucking in porn.

In fact, this is going to be my new signature.

BWAHAHAHAHAHHA! Thank your for the comic relief and stating the obvious!!!!

idealist · #44 04-27-2010, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper

you would do this for your partner? really?! I find it absolutely abhorrent to have sex with people I am not into and in fact find that I think I am insulting them. I don't do anything unless I am aroused to do so. I used to and it just built resentment and anger. I ceratainly wouldn't have sex with a woman just to turn a man on. It would be just for me, but then I genuinely love sex with women... I still wouldn't let a guy watch just because he got off on it. I hated that about swinging. I was all into it and the women hated it, but did it for their men.... I think I have just been triggered by this... sorry

Thanks for your post and sharing your passionate feelings. It has made me think about how I feel and it brought up some things for me that are kind of opposite from what you are going through right now.

It's good to know what your boundaries are and have the strength to hold them up. However, personal boundaries change through time. A boundary that was so important for me 10 years ago is suddenly no longer important. There have been times in my life when I was convinced that I had taken a stand and I would not move from my position. I didn’t drink alcohol for 20 years and did not expect that I would ever drink again. I social drink regularly now and will take personal responsibility for my decision to do so. At the same time, to a person who thinks they are an alcoholic and has been sober for 20 years, I would not suggest that they attempt drinking again like I did.

Also, even though I have embraced Polyamory for myself, I still wouldn’t suggest it to a married couple who is considering it.

So- the idea of only having sex with a person you are in love with is a good position to take. And I have taken this position for quite a while now. But, if I did decide to pursue sexual experiences with people I am not in love with, or engage in sex with a woman just to turn a man on, it would be because I have decided to do it for my own personal reasons and that I take full responsibility for my decision and will deal with any difficult ramifications which might arise. And at the same time, I wouldn’t suggest it to others, because these things are like playing with fire. You can get burned.

This reminds me of a quote that I'm going to share here because I can so relate to it even though I'm getting very off topic.

“Sickness, jail, poverty, getting drunk - I had to experience all that myself. Sinning makes the world go round. You can't be so stuck up, so inhuman that you want to be pure, your soul wrapped up in a plastic bag, all the time. You have to be God and the devil, both of them. Being a good medicine man means being right in the midst of the turmoil, not shielding yourself from it. It means experiencing life in all its phases. It means not being afraid of cutting up and playing the fool now and then. That's sacred too.” Lame Deer

Morningglory629 · #45 04-27-2010, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by idealist

A boundary that was so important for me 10 years ago is suddenly no longer important.
So- the idea of only having sex with a person you are in love with is a good position to take. And I have taken this position for quite a while now. But, if I did decide to pursue sexual experiences with people I am not in love with, or engage in sex with a woman just to turn a man on, it would be because I have decided to do it for my own personal reasons and that I take full responsibility for my decision and will deal with any difficult ramifications which might arise. And at the same time, I wouldn’t suggest it to others, because these things are like playing with fire. You can get burned.

“Sickness, jail, poverty, getting drunk - I had to experience all that myself. You have to be God and the devil, both of them. Being a good medicine man means being right in the midst of the turmoil, not shielding yourself from it. It means experiencing life in all its phases. It means not being afraid of cutting up and playing the fool now and then. That's sacred too.” Lame Deer

These words are truly idealist in the search for truth and experiencing life rather than reading about someone else's life. Thanks for the post!

LovingRadiance · #46 04-29-2010, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Just me apparently...as in having two women. Besides being mono, I'm way to focussed to spread out my attention. Hence another reason for my disinterest in group sex as well.

DAMN! (j/k)
Giggle.

I have to say-that I wasn't under the impression that EITHER guy was "just a sex toy".

They are both madly in love with me and they both put themselves into showing that with a joint effort at sexually pleasing me. But neither did anything that was uncomfortable to them or that wasn't enjoyable for them.
They didn't either one get off, but they weren't either one going for that either... their point was to satisfy me...

I DO understand what you are all saying about not putting someone in a position (including self) that they have to do something that they wouldn't want to.
I wouldn't expect either of them to do anything sexual with one another-it wouldn't excite me (though watching two men together CAN) because I know it isn't exciting or even interesting to either of them.
But having them pay me such attention was awesome.