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  #31  
Old 04-22-2010, 04:57 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by saudade View Post
Sorry I'm joining late, been sick lately and haven't had the energy to sign on after a full work day. (My job involves lots of running and chasing... which is swell until around 8pm when I'm home on the couch!)
Daycare or chicken coop? Get better soon, being sick, sucks.

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Third... @Mono, I hear what you're saying about a marriage ceremony-- what's it for, if not fidelity? It's something I've actually been struggling with in my own way, because K and I are engaged (wedding's in 5mos and change ) and trying to decide what it means for us to be wed.
Congrats, while I dismiss my marraige as a personal disbelief in religion and a paperweight for gov't. The wedding ceremony was important and emotional for me. We used a non secular priest who sat us down and we got to build our own vows from pieces we may like from the bible or poems etc. It was a pretty cool experience and very bonding together. ...I wish I could get married every year haha
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  #32  
Old 04-22-2010, 05:02 PM
saudade saudade is offline
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Daycare or chicken coop?
@Ariakas: LMAO! I won't say which (gotta have at least one closet, right?), but I'll pass that line around, so the other 'farmhands' can be appreciative.

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Congrats, while I dismiss my marraige as a personal disbelief in religion and a paperweight for gov't. The wedding ceremony was important and emotional for me. We used a non secular priest who sat us down and we got to build our own vows from pieces we may like from the bible or poems etc. It was a pretty cool experience and very bonding together. ...I wish I could get married every year haha
Thanks for the congrats! The way I see it, K's and my marriage means exactly what we decide it does. If we decide it's a big, important step, then it gets to be. We're currently looking for someone willing to sit down and contemplate our ceremony with us, and I'm so excited about what it might mean. (Thanks again, Vandalin!)... And Ari-- why not do it again? Commitment ceremonies rock! This thread started with descriptions of exactly that, as I recall.
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  #33  
Old 04-26-2010, 08:27 PM
vampiresscammy vampiresscammy is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Commitment of Life. I am committed to support her regardless of the nature of our relationship in whatever way I can for the remainder of my life.
Mono - This is without a doubt one of the most awesome things I've ever heard!! I love how it sounds, what it implies, and how it makes me feel to imagine it

you truly are an awesome person, I enjoy how much you and RP share with us all on here
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  #34  
Old 08-02-2010, 03:37 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I got married two years ago. It was a civil ceremony. To us, it meant that we wanted to support each other emotionally and financially and have the legal means to.

If I have a ceremony with another partner, here is how I assume it would go:

My husband would walk me down to the partner I am "linking myself" to. We would say our vows to each other, to be committed to be there for each other emotionally and financially.
But on top of the "I do" we would say to each other, all three of us would have an additional "I do". My partners would both say "I do" to some text about recognizing each other as equally important to me and having a relationship with each other through me.
I would have to say "I do" to a text saying that a view them as equal, important individuals, and agree not to use one of them to hurt the other.

This is off the top of my head, and we would obviously work on it more, but I think each new person entering the relationship in an "official" way would require all existing members to take part in the ceremony in some way. Hopefully I am making sense.
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  #35  
Old 08-02-2010, 11:25 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I enjoy how much you and RP share with us all on here
You're welcome my friend. We get a lot from these forums and love sharing our perspective
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  #36  
Old 08-02-2010, 11:37 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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It took almost 5 years for my divorce to become officially final - long enough for a LTR turned engagement to come crashing down, and another to ensue, lol. Having those papers made me fell SO relieved...

...that I didn't have to deal with the courts anymore, LMAO!

It made absolutely ZERO difference in my life or relationship, other than to know that we could someday get legally married if we so chose without any problems - a fairly hazy difference, as we already intended to, and paperwork was paperwork only for both the divorce and really for the marriage.

with segues nicely into the ceremony bit.

Mono - I love ya man, but I don't get ya.

A ceremony or vow or anything can be written and performed to include as many people as it needs to, to commit them to whatever it is written and performed to do so. Citizenship is a pretty big deal - they're sworn in en mass, lol. Military service, clubs and other membership organizations, too. Heck - the very churches that perform "traditional" mono marriages also have other ceremonies for groups for various things. The Mormons and their family "sealing" ceremonies come to mind.

The ONLY difference is that the laws in north America thus far only permit two people to be LEGALLY bound, on paper.

So... WTF does that have to do with anyone's commitment to anyone else, save for filing taxes and/or in the event that that union has to be legally dissolved? Those are the only times that that piece of paper means shit, lol - the rest is all in the vows. And anyone who takes a vow seriously can commit it to a group as easily as to an individual. :shrug:

Last edited by HappiestManAlive; 08-03-2010 at 05:03 AM.
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  #37  
Old 08-02-2010, 11:50 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post

Mono - I love ya man, but I don't get ya.
Haha! It's not a requirement my friend
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  #38  
Old 08-03-2010, 12:46 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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It's funny how that stupid piece of paper makes everything more "official" in other people's eyes.

When my husband and I got married, we stood in front of our families without an officiant and gave our vows to one another and it was emotional and sincere and important. Somewhere along the line our marriage license didn't get turned in, and it expired by the time we got back from the honeymoon.

We didn't particularly care, other than the minor inconveniences it caused, and we joked about it, saying we'd do it on our first anniversary, so at least half the date could be right.

When my father-in-law got wind of this, he cheerfully referred to me as "The False Wife" and badgered us for months about when we were going to get the paperwork done. We let him know repeatedly how unappreciated and unacceptable his comments were, but to no avail. Finally, my husband told him straight up that we weren't going to be seeing them anymore because of his rude and disrespectful behavior. And true to his word, we didn't see them for a very long time after that.

As it happens, we signed the papers on our second wedding anniversary, and when we asked if they would like to witness, they assumed we were having another wedding! Um hello, we already did that part!

Leaving the legal ramifications for another time, the moral of the story is that it's the intention of the act that matters, not the piece of paper, regardless of whether or not you're poly.
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  #39  
Old 08-03-2010, 05:15 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Wow...This is an interesting thread.


FYI, L is my wife. S is the male portion of a couple we are dating. D is the female wife of S. and I am a male. S and I are both straight, while D and L are both bi. When we all play, 9 times out of 10, we are all together in the same room. S and I never really do anything together, but are not homophobic, and have touched from time to time while in the act with the women. L and D have made love with each other before, and often play with each other while they are enjoying the other person's husband. I hope I'm not confusing too many people. LOL

I MUST say a few things here....My wife and I got married after knowing each other for about a month. We will have been married for 20 years in January.

We knew each other for a very short time, and we got lucky. (I did anyway. LOL) She has put up with my crap all this time, and complains so little. I love her so much.


Now, we are what we call "polyfidelous". Basically, we want to be with another couple exculsivly. We want it to just be us, and the other couple.

Well, we think we have found the couple we want to spend the rest of our lives with.......but how do you really know? The same way we "knew" when we got married in the first place? Well, if so....we are there....I mean, we've been with them on and off for the last 2 years.

Can we see ourselves growing old with them and still being happy? I can....I never asked my wife if she could or not. If not, then I guess we need to keep building the relationship before we make a commitment?

Anyway, IF things work out that way (and I honestly hope they do), then I would LOVE to do a commitment ceremony. How would I prefer it to be done? Well...Thats odd, and I'm not the creative one in our realtionships. In fact, I'm the one who does almost everything by the books or never breaks the mold. (Yes, I always stayed in the lines when I used my crayons. LOL ) BUT.....I would immagine it to be something like this:

S and I would be waiting at the end of the isle waiting with the officiant. The beach would be filled with our close friends and some family. (Sadly enough, L's father will likely pass on by the time this all happens, and S and D don't wish to admit this lifestyle to their family at this time, but we have opened up to our kids and some very close friends) L and D would walk down the isle together. Both in nice wedding dresses which would reflect their own personal styles.

Now, this is when it gets complicated........

L would go to stand in front of S and D would stand in front of me.

We would exchange some sort of vows, which would include a part about remaining true to EVERYONE in the union.

S and I would then put some form of commitment band onto the women's right ring fingers, and the women would put one on the mens right ring finger.

Then, L and S would kiss while D and I kiss.....However, L would be holding one of MY hands and one of S's hands, and D would be holding one of S's hands and one of mine.


Then...the throwing of the boquet would be customary right? So I would like to see that done as well. This gives all the women in attendance twice the chance of catching one. LOL

At the reception, it is customary to take the garter off the woman's leg...right? Well, I would take D's garter off, and possibly put it onto L's other leg, while S takes L's garter off and puts it on D's other leg.

Everyone keeping up so far? Anyone want to help with some vows? LOL J/K! I honestly want all of us to make our own. I feel that it would be WAY more meaningful.


Does this mean we're "ready"? No...not necissarily.

Anyway, enough of me being sappy for tonight....It's time for bed!








*EDIT* I just read this to L, and she said that it would be neat to have S&D's son, and our son (they are close in age) walk D and L down the isle to S and I, while our daughter plays her flute. That would be AWESOME!

Last edited by TL4everu2; 08-03-2010 at 05:30 AM.
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  #40  
Old 08-17-2010, 03:04 AM
swfltriad swfltriad is offline
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Wow, this is all very good information! We're in our planning stages for our ceremony. But, we're looking for someone to officiate it, does anyone have any ideas or tell us what they did?
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