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  #41  
Old 04-26-2010, 03:39 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by LadyMonterey View Post
Hi. I hope you don't mind Peachtaboo if I jump in here & ask an additional question to the more experienced members. I've also been wondering about 'compersion' & found the answers helpful. But I'm wondering if there is a difference between 'compersion' & the term I've read somewhere, briefly, called 'erotic voyeurism'.
I think there is a distinct difference but that one (voyeurism) could easily be considered a subset of the other (compersion).

"Compersion" seems to be tied to genuine happiness derived from another's state of happiness with possible total disregard for our own place in that.

Does that mean that there can't be other side benefits at the same time (the voyeuristic stimulation) ? I can't see a need for that restriction.

But neither does one make the other. But I can see the fine line and potential for confusion.

GS
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  #42  
Old 04-26-2010, 03:42 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Biggest difference is one doesn't need the other. I, and likely a lot of people, am not a voyeur, yet I derive pleasure in knowing my wife is with someone.

My wife is a voyeur and has compersion, she really enjoys watching me with other women and feels absolute joy. To date, she has not allowed me to be with a woman without her at least watching.

As with anything there is overlap...but they are seperate
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  #43  
Old 04-26-2010, 03:51 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
My wife is a voyeur and has compersion, she really enjoys watching me with other women and feels absolute joy. To date, she has not allowed me to be with a woman without her at least watching.

As with anything there is overlap...but they are seperate
Now I am REALLY confused! This is a real learning process.
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  #44  
Old 04-26-2010, 03:57 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
Now I am REALLY confused! This is a real learning process.
She has insecurities about me being with women without her. We are slowly breaking down that wall. She loves me being with other women....compersion...but requires me to have her there as well.

compersion is simply deriving joy from your partners happiness. Being a voyeur can be inclusive of that, but is not necessarily exclusive to it.

Hope that made sense. Most of the terms in relationships have overlap and in the end are just labels. By overlap doesn't mean they ARE anything. To go further

there are voyeurs who are voyeurs for the sake of THEMSELVES. They aren't enjoying compersion when stealing a look at their sexual attentions, they are doing it because the like watching people/things etc.

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  #45  
Old 04-26-2010, 04:03 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Ah! Got it!! Thanks for your opinion! I must be the latter. Still discovering which labels I fit under...I am starting to look tattooed! LOL!
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  #46  
Old 04-26-2010, 04:42 PM
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Slip Slip is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyMonterey View Post
I hadn't looked at the definition of voyeurism Slip. Thanks for the reference. Interesting. I seem to recall seeing the term 'erotic voyeurism' from an interviewee who used it to describe how she was turned on thinking of her boyfriend being with his other lady at the time they are actually together. I have a partner who enjoys "sharing me" as he puts it, which, at this point, is the thought of my being with another or knowing I'm with another. Is it compersion or erotic voyeurism?
I'm not usually one that brings in "hard" references. But I needed to see if that label fit me.
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  #47  
Old 04-27-2010, 05:08 AM
Irena Irena is offline
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I'm another newbie to the whole field, but in my experience the voyeurism/compersion distinction works something like this: I can see my boyfriend's happy after a date with another woman, and I'm happy about that. That's compersion. Then, with a wink and a grin, I ask for details, and if he gives them (with the other woman's permission, explicit or implicit), I usually get turned on to some extent. That's voyeurism.

I've only watched him with another woman once, but that experience I can only describe as an inextricable jumble of compersion jollies and voyeuristic jollies. I don't feel a strong need to sort out what's what: it was jolly, and that's the important thing, yes?
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  #48  
Old 04-27-2010, 07:17 AM
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Compersion is an all encompassing word for being happy for one partner that they find happiness in another partner. Voyerism is getting off on watching people have sex.

I think we could coin another term all together here.... *Compersion voyerism*
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  #49  
Old 04-27-2010, 05:07 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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*Compersion voyerism*
Niiiice! I like that one!
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  #50  
Old 05-10-2010, 04:36 PM
chg2winter chg2winter is offline
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Default Learning compersion

I believe that compersion - the joy we have when our partner experiences joy - is often something we learn (instead of something we are born with).

What has been good tools for you to learn compersion?

Warmly,
Dan
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