Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 04-26-2010, 01:46 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,868
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
I have the same feelings on the matter and was a bit surprised at my bf's reaction. Just checking if I wasn't getting something. This is a double V situation and as a hinge I would be happy if they could do that for me- not that I am asking- but as an end in the other V, I thought it was a great gift and something his wife and I shared in the planning, and then was a bit confused by reactions. Ok... just so I am not crazy. Thanks!
Morning, as a guy...who is a unicorn hunter to some degree...I am usually shocked to read this kind of stuff. I really don't enjoy threesomes if the two women aren't into it as well. Maybe its hard to explain, but having 2 girls to have sex with is little more than serial monogamy (REALLY serial)...I have never found that...ok I was about to tell a small lie, its not what I want when my wife and I are with women, I have ended up in situations like this but it wasn't as enjoyable. It always surprises me when thats what men think of as threesomes.

That and...well RP's post covers it for me I suppose I don't need to re-iterate.

[edit]
I used the term serial monogamy simply because it was a quick term, thats not what I mean to imply. A threesome with 2 partners not involved with each other is really just two couples. Couldn't coin a term fast enough to represent that [/edit]

Last edited by Ariakas; 04-26-2010 at 03:48 PM. Reason: clarify
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 04-26-2010, 01:50 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,868
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
ohhh, got it. Got it, but definitely NOT it. Still triggered. Just goes to show, I really shouldn't do things that bug me and make my stomach turn,,, I really didn't go with my gut when guys watched me eagerly go down on their wives, while they giggled and squirmed under my touch. I knew they hated it and acted all into it for their men. I was confused, and insulted. They didn't get off at all for real (it lasted as long as they could stand it). It was all fake and I was left feeling hurt that the moment was all just for mens entertainment... lesson learned. And they say swinging is just harmless fun. Hmph, not always, I wonder what they felt afterwards? I wonder if it grossed them out that I actually was into it instead of just pretending. I hope there was no negative affect..... Okay, I have to get off this as it's ruining my otherwise nice day.
Well I was going to respond when it was the first line. But as it is expanded, and you don't want to have this ruin your day ...let me say I can empathize. My wife has been through this. As a bi-sexual it's amazing how many people are bi-sexual until the time comes to do anything sexual.

Only reason I know the term heteroflexible, is my cousin was signing up for fetlife and trying to find a term that fit. For him, its heteroflexible or pansexual. He is still undecided to be honest ...in a past life I would have been heteroflexible...I tried it, didn't like it, and won't do it again.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 04-26-2010, 01:53 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,093
Default

One thing guys-having a 3-some does not mean that you have to have sex with both of the other people.

Maca/GG and I have had a 3-some, and I've had 3-somes with my exboyfriend and his friend.

In both cases the guys "did it for my benefit".

BUT they didn't have sex with one another
OR
participate in any touchy/feely with one another.

They were focusing their combined attention on me.

So it kind of depends on what they were DOING....do you know what I mean?
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 04-26-2010, 01:58 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,868
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
One thing guys-having a 3-some does not mean that you have to have sex with both of the other people.
I know its functional to DO...its just more fun, in my world anyways, when all three can enjoy each other. Lets face it, the guy can use some rest every once in a while. A full day (or weekend) doing all the work starts to hurt...just saying

ok sorry for the thread hijak hahaha
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 04-26-2010, 02:21 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Thank you Ari for saying what you did. I was feeling like a freak for actually requiring love and caring from those I have sex with. I give that in return, and require it back. I want those I have sex with to leave having enjoyed our time together and feel loved. Is that so much to ask? Why is that so novel. This is totally my own thing this weekend, sorry for the hijack.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 04-26-2010, 04:02 AM
Morningglory629's Avatar
Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
you would do this for your partner? really?! I find it absolutely abhorrent to have sex with people I am not into and in fact find that I think I am insulting them. I don't do anything unless I am aroused to do so. I used to and it just built resentment and anger. I ceratainly wouldn't have sex with a woman just to turn a man on. It would be just for me, but then I genuinely love sex with women... I still wouldn't let a guy watch just because he got off on it. I hated that about swinging. I was all into it and the women hated it, but did it for their men.... I think I have just been triggered by this... sorry
You crack me up! Abhorrent, really? And you sound like my bf...here is what I am saying...KT and I planned it together. Now we may find it titillating to be part of something together to turn him on (like any sexual turn-on clothes, heals, props whatever) but I don't necessarily seek out women as lovers. Sorry this query ruined your day.

What do you think KT?
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 04-26-2010, 03:07 PM
KatTails's Avatar
KatTails KatTails is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 374
Default

Otter - Sorry for hijacking your thread - but be patient my answer is here somewhere.

During our experiences with swinging - I had my first sexual contact with women (all above the belt) and I loved it! I'm just now exploring if I might be bisexual, pansexual or heteroflexible (love that Ari!). A lesbian co-worker and I were just talking about this last week - with her telling me she thinks she is more bi. She said to me "When you watch Dancing with the Stars - who do you watch?" My response was "the women!" Her response was "REALLY? I look at the guys - they're hot!" I look at women as much as my husband does. When we are out - I can always tell which women he is looking at because I'm looking too - we have similiar tastes. I appreciate the beauty and sensuality of women. I love boobs - the look, the feel, the taste. I look at womens breasts all the time. I have kissed a few women - and like that too. But, I like the rough, manliness of being kissed by my husband better. I like strong muscular arms and not so much the soft arms of women. I have gone down on a woman once - and realized it's just not my thing - but I wanted to give it a try. And I did these things for myself - not just for him. The second time we had a FMF threesome - I stayed above the belt because that is what I prefer. Did my husband want me, encourage me to go down on her? Yes - but I didn't and he understands.

Quote:
Originally posted by redpepper: I was confused, and insulted. They didn't get off at all for real (it lasted as long as they could stand it). It was all fake and I was left feeling hurt that the moment was all just for mens entertainment...
redpepper - I have felt the same way. The first threesome MG, my husband and I had - was planned by the two of us together. As far as I know - she had never had a threesome or been with a woman. The one thing I said to MG beforehand was to not do this for him, but because she wanted to. Prior to this - her and I had sent a series of sexual texts that turned us both on (at least I know they did for me.) So when we planned the threesome I told her to make sure because I didn't want to be anyones regret. She assured both me and my husband that she was not doing it for him. Her and I went to a movie first and kissed and held hands - trying to become comfortable with each other. We then met him at a hotel. I opened myself up to her and participated in ways that I had never done before. She seemed to enjoy it. Later, she told my husband that she had done it all for him. I felt hurt, embarrassed, lied to and used - because I had become her regret. I have no hurt feelings towards MG for that anymore because I can understand doing something just to make your SO happy. But it shouldn't be at the expense of someone else. MG - this isn't a criticism of you at all - just an explanation of how I felt at the time. I took it personally and was hurt by it. I understand why you did it though - we both have a need to want to please him.

The second time we were all together - it was all literally above the belt - and it was done as a surprise gift for my husband.

As much as he would love to have more threesomes - what guy wouldn't - I doubt it will happen again since it's not something MG is interested in. Also - after both times - I had a rough time because for me, I can seperate sex and love. I get so turned on watching my husband fuck someone else. Watching him make love to a woman he is deeply in love with - was really hard on me. It gave me a visual of how they were with each other when I'm not there. I started comparing how she was with him to how I am. It made me very self conscious when him and I made love.

Also - I think it is different with FMF - he only has one "tool" - so his attention is more focused on one of the females - causing the other to feel somewhat left out. In a MFM - which I can't wait to try - it is physically easier for the woman to be the center of attention. And I would never expect my husband to be sexually intimate with the guy. If he wanted to - I'm ok with it - but I would never expect it or be upset if it didn't happen.

Is my husband upset that MG isn't into a threesome because she isn't sexually attracted to me, or women in general? Yes. Does he pout about it? At times. Does he hope things change? Absolutely. And he makes no apologies for that.

I feel that he is "forcing" her and I to become friends and more because he loves us both and wants us to feel the same. However, it has to be a natural thing. We rushed into threesomes - instead of trying to be socially comfortable with each other first. He would love for the three of us to go out to dinner and a movie - then to a hotel and all sleep together - and I do mean sleep. Of course - he would want sex first. Which we can do with minimal contact between us.

We are a V with my husband as the hinge. Have the end points of the V been intimate? Yes. Do we play alone together? No. That is why we are a V and not a triad. See otter - I told you the answer was here.

I'm coining a new term - I'm an "above-the-belt-bisexual"

Kat

Last edited by KatTails; 04-26-2010 at 03:40 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 04-26-2010, 04:20 PM
Morningglory629's Avatar
Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KatTails View Post
The first threesome MG, my husband and I had - was planned by the two of us together. As far as I know - she had never had a threesome or been with a woman. The one thing I said to MG beforehand was to not do this for him, but because she wanted to. Prior to this - her and I had sent a series of sexual texts that turned us both on (at least I know they did for me.) So when we planned the threesome I told her to make sure because I didn't want to be anyones regret. She assured both me and my husband that she was not doing it for him. Her and I went to a movie first and kissed and held hands - trying to become comfortable with each other. We then met him at a hotel.
But it shouldn't be at the expense of someone else. MG - this isn't a criticism of you at all
The second time we were all together - it was all literally above the belt - and it was done as a surprise gift for my husband.

As much as he would love to have more threesomes - what guy wouldn't - I doubt it will happen again since it's not something MG is interested in. Also - after both times - I had a rough time because for me, I can seperate sex and love. I get so turned on watching my husband fuck someone else. Watching him make love to a woman he is deeply in love with - was really hard on me. It gave me a visual of how they were with each other when I'm not there. I started comparing how she was with him to how I am. It made me very self conscious when him and I made love.

Also - I think it is different with FMF - he only has one "tool" - so his attention is more focused on one of the females - causing the other to feel somewhat left out. In a MFM - which I can't wait to try - it is physically easier for the woman to be the center of attention. And I would never expect my husband to be sexually intimate with the guy. If he wanted to - I'm ok with it - but I would never expect it or be upset if it didn't happen.


I'm coining a new term - I'm an "above-the-belt-bisexual"

Kat
KT- Huh? Who said I didn't enjoy it? I have told you a million times it was beautiful to watch you guys...I am a voyeur. You seem to be expanding and coming to terms with your bisexuality and I had never explored that. I felt comfortable enough with you and love 2R so why wouldn't I try something new with the both of you?? AND we did plan it together. I did tell you how I felt and I went with flow of the night (the first time). A great night! The second time not so great because you left in the middle of it because you were upset with watching us. So no I did not enjoy that so much, and told him no more of that until you get a handle on the jealousy. I do not feel obligated by either of you. I do like to experiment and give of myself when I am with someone I love/trust/befriend. If you don't try or explore how will you know what you like or don't like. Anyway I also disagree with the "tool" thing...you guys had a suitcase full of "tools" that kept us both happy!
Anyway not sure why you felt lied to but I hope that has passed, and you can understand how I enjoyed giving that to both of you, and REALLY enjoyed watching you BOTH!

RP- I hope this didn't ruin your day! Just what I enjoy...not obligated or forced into doing anything!

Last edited by Morningglory629; 05-05-2010 at 08:55 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 04-26-2010, 05:14 PM
KatTails's Avatar
KatTails KatTails is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 374
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
KT- Huh? Who said I didn't enjoy it? I have told you a million times it was beautiful to watch you guys...I am a voyeur. You seem to be expanding and coming to terms with your bisexuality and I had never explored that. I felt comfortable enough with you and love PJ so why wouldn't I try something new with the both of you?? AND we did plan it together. I did tell you how I felt and I went with flow of the night (the first time). A great night! The second time not so great because you left in the middle of it because you were upset with watching us. So no I did not enjoy that so much, and told him no more of that until you get a handle on the jealousy. I do not feel obligated by either of you. I do like to experiment and give of myself when I am with someone I love/trust/befriend. If you don't try or explore how will you know what you like or don't like. Anyway I also disagree with the "tool" thing...you guys had a suitcase full of "tools" that kept us both happy!
Anyway not sure why you felt lied to but I hope that has passed, and you can understand how I enjoyed giving that to both of you, and REALLY enjoyed watching you BOTH!

RP- I hope this didn't ruin your day! Just what I enjoy...not obligated or forced into doing anything!
MG - I'm sorry if my post upset you. Not my intent. I never said you didn't like it - and yes, you have said that you thought the connection between him and I was beautiiful to watch. I understand that you realized after experimenting that you aren't into women. I realized that I like certain parts of a woman. We would never have known those things without experimenting. I had fun doing it! And I'm not against doing it again - if you want to and not because he keeps pushing it. Was it hard for me to see the way you two look at each other? Very. Did I feel left out when he was with you? Yes. Did I enjoy every other aspect? Yes - especially the "tools!" But I have told him many times that I won't even think about doing it again until I get over the my jealousy and insecurity. I take steps everyday to do that.

This situation is new to all of us and we are learning alot about ourselves and each other in the process. I have never self-analyzed this much before and I have never opened myself up so much to another person (other than my husband) as I have with you. I hope we keep learning about each other, ourselves and our V-situation. I'm looking forward to new eye-opening, mind-opening, heart-opening experiences.

Kat
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 04-26-2010, 05:40 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KatTails View Post
redpepper - I have felt the same way. The first threesome MG, my husband and I had - was planned by the two of us together. As far as I know - she had never had a threesome or been with a woman. The one thing I said to MG beforehand was to not do this for him, but because she wanted to. Prior to this - her and I had sent a series of sexual texts that turned us both on (at least I know they did for me.) So when we planned the threesome I told her to make sure because I didn't want to be anyones regret. She assured both me and my husband that she was not doing it for him. Her and I went to a movie first and kissed and held hands - trying to become comfortable with each other. We then met him at a hotel. I opened myself up to her and participated in ways that I had never done before. She seemed to enjoy it. Later, she told my husband that she had done it all for him. I felt hurt, embarrassed, lied to and used - because I had become her regret. I have no hurt feelings towards MG for that anymore because I can understand doing something just to make your SO happy. But it shouldn't be at the expense of someone else. MG - this isn't a criticism of you at all - just an explanation of how I felt at the time. I took it personally and was hurt by it. I understand why you did it though - we both have a need to want to please him.

The second time we were all together - it was all literally above the belt - and it was done as a surprise gift for my husband.

As much as he would love to have more threesomes - what guy wouldn't - I doubt it will happen again since it's not something MG is interested in. Also - after both times - I had a rough time because for me, I can seperate sex and love. I get so turned on watching my husband fuck someone else. Watching him make love to a woman he is deeply in love with - was really hard on me. It gave me a visual of how they were with each other when I'm not there. I started comparing how she was with him to how I am. It made me very self conscious when him and I made love.

Also - I think it is different with FMF - he only has one "tool" - so his attention is more focused on one of the females - causing the other to feel somewhat left out. In a MFM - which I can't wait to try - it is physically easier for the woman to be the center of attention. And I would never expect my husband to be sexually intimate with the guy. If he wanted to - I'm ok with it - but I would never expect it or be upset if it didn't happen.

Is my husband upset that MG isn't into a threesome because she isn't sexually attracted to me, or women in general? Yes. Does he pout about it? At times. Does he hope things change? Absolutely. And he makes no apologies for that.

I feel that he is "forcing" her and I to become friends and more because he loves us both and wants us to feel the same. However, it has to be a natural thing. We rushed into threesomes - instead of trying to be socially comfortable with each other first. He would love for the three of us to go out to dinner and a movie - then to a hotel and all sleep together - and I do mean sleep. Of course - he would want sex first. Which we can do with minimal contact between us.

We are a V with my husband as the hinge. Have the end points of the V been intimate? Yes. Do we play alone together? No. That is why we are a V and not a triad. See otter - I told you the answer was here.

I'm coining a new term - I'm an "above-the-belt-bisexual"

Kat
I totally empathise with how you feel in regards to feeling like someones regret. That humiliation, embarrassment, I get it. I'm sorry that happened to you. There are several times I have been someones regret or regretted being in certain situations. It has really made me untrusting and wary of peoples motives in regards to sex. Even if it doesn't involve me. The emotions behind sex are strong ones for me as I realize now. I have sex with someone because I love them and am attracted to them at the same time. There is a lot of apprehension for me now. I seem to attract "sexuality" to my life, I'm not sure why. I'm highly sexual, but I don't know if that is why. Maybe its who I gang out with? I am guessing Mono would say yes.

I have done a few workshops to figure out how to be in regards to my sexuality now and that has helped, but this post has really made me realize some stuff KT. Thank you.

As to rushing relationships in order to *maybe* have a threesome... ? I would have to agree its probably wise to leave it all be. I can think of several things one could do FMF Without having to be intimate with the other woman. It would all have to be negotiated for me. I still doubt I would be into it though as I would find it hard to be hands off. Well maybe not if the woman is not into women. I feel like there is far to much emphasis on threesomes in poly relationships sometimes. Just as there seems to be far to much emphasis on ass fucking in porn. Is it a trend or what is really important?

Don't answer that! This thread has gone off topic enough it seems! Sorry otter!
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog

Last edited by redpepper; 04-26-2010 at 10:52 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bisexual, bisexuality, hetroflexible, sex, threesomes, triad, triads, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:39 AM.