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  #11  
Old 04-25-2010, 05:18 AM
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Originally Posted by otter View Post
From what I am reading a V is 3 people who have 1 person at the base. A Triad is 3 people who are sexualy active together.
Now what about a group of 3 MFM who have sex at once but the MM not with each other?
I can see it being a V with the two guys only wanting to be with the female, but as they are a close group (guys best friends) who will all join at once it could be a Triad.
There is no really need to label this. Jusy something I am thinking about.
Still a V.

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Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
Forget about the sex. Look at the relationships. A vee has one person who is involved romantically with two people who are not involved with each other romantically. A triad has three people, each of whom is involved romantically with the other two.

Having a threesome is no indicator as to the relationships. If the two Ms are not romantically involved with each other, there's no triad structure, just a vee that indulges in sexual threesomes.
Exactly.
I am DEFINITELY not in a triad. BUT we did have one threesome. They each were ONLY looking to do something special for me-and there was one night to do it in. Easier to do it in 1 hour than 1 hour with each.
Definitely two separate relationships of mine.

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Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
Did/does the significant other in your V ever get annoyed or upset that you are not romantically/sexually interested in the other person, or does your SO appreciate the gift? Very curious because although I am not bisexual I do and have been part of a threesome to please my lover. He asked, I found it exciting to be part of and I happily participated. However unless it is to arouse him, I wouldn't choose a sexual relationship with a woman. This disappoints him. Is that a common reaction in V relationships?
Huh, I personally am not disappointed that my guys don't want a romantic or sexual relationship with one another and I only appreciate the night we shared as the gift they gave me-nothing more, nothing less and with no expectation of a repeat....
But I don't know about other hinges (that's the middle person fyi).
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-25-2010 at 01:15 PM. Reason: merge posts
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  #12  
Old 04-25-2010, 05:28 AM
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I have the same feelings on the matter and was a bit surprised at my bf's reaction. Just checking if I wasn't getting something. This is a double V situation and as a hinge I would be happy if they could do that for me- not that I am asking- but as an end in the other V, I thought it was a great gift and something his wife and I shared in the planning, and then was a bit confused by reactions. Ok... just so I am not crazy. Thanks!
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  #13  
Old 04-25-2010, 06:55 AM
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Not to sound too complicated, but it's all so very personal, fluid and changing and expanding. Life's funny that way. I have been in several V's over the years, almost 20 years as a hinge. Close V's sometimes groups of us together, loving, playing. Sometimes they almost turning into triads, but still not quite. One of us (me) knowing that is not quite what I wanted. Sometimes V's can appear to be groups of triads or groups of close quads.but still V's.

Ari
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  #14  
Old 04-25-2010, 02:31 PM
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I think it is interesting what Morningglory said about not being bi-sexual. That is another struggle I have had with labels. I also indulge sometimes in bisexual activity with my husband as a part of play that he enjoys, but I honestly do not consider myself to be bisexual becuase although the experience itself is very satisfying, I do not find myself wanting to seek out relationships with women on my own, nor could I find myself being sucessful in a long-term triad. I prefer to keep the relationships separate but do not mind having some freindship and overlapping moments of intamacy. This confuses my husband alot. I think sometimes he thinks I am in denial about my sexual orientation and things work out if I would just be realistic. I thought I was all confused about all of the labels that polys have but now I think we need more.
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Old 04-25-2010, 03:06 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Twinkle View Post
I think it is interesting what Morningglory said about not being bi-sexual. That is another struggle I have had with labels. I also indulge sometimes in bisexual activity with my husband as a part of play that he enjoys, but I honestly do not consider myself to be bisexual becuase although the experience itself is very satisfying, I do not find myself wanting to seek out relationships with women on my own, nor could I find myself being sucessful in a long-term triad. I prefer to keep the relationships separate but do not mind having some freindship and overlapping moments of intamacy. This confuses my husband alot. I think sometimes he thinks I am in denial about my sexual orientation and things work out if I would just be realistic. I thought I was all confused about all of the labels that polys have but now I think we need more.
Heteroflexible (I don't know why I love this term, but its a label that makes me smile everytime)...
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  #16  
Old 04-25-2010, 03:33 PM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
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I have had similar questions. I initially called my situation a triad but it is a v for sure. I think one would be ok if we all were able to sleep in bed together but not have sex but the other said, nope that's just too weird. I am not really qualified to speak though as I am still just stumbling along and had my first night away from home recently. However the 3 of us do things together and each allows me to love the other however I want. Just not in bed so to speak altogether because if were up to me... we'd all be sharing the bed and whatever happens happens... but that's ok that it isn't happening just I am ok with it. I know they would never have any interest in each other but one can dream that at least we could share...
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  #17  
Old 04-25-2010, 07:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
I have the same feelings on the matter and was a bit surprised at my bf's reaction. Just checking if I wasn't getting something. This is a double V situation and as a hinge I would be happy if they could do that for me- not that I am asking- but as an end in the other V, I thought it was a great gift and something his wife and I shared in the planning, and then was a bit confused by reactions. Ok... just so I am not crazy. Thanks!
Have you by chance asked KT what her reaction is? Just curious.

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Originally Posted by LovelyArianna View Post
Sometimes V's can appear to be groups of triads or groups of close quads.but still V's.
Ours is very much that way. People who see us think there is a possibility of a triad. We live together, spend a LOT of our time in a group of 3. We cuddle up on the floor in one (large) sleeping bag to watch movies.
But NEITHER of the guys has a romantic interest in the other or a sexual interest in the other. They just don't and they likely never will. Which is just fine with me.

It will be interesting to see how perceptions are affected if and when one of them gets a serious girlfriend.
I think it would be interesting because everyone knows I'm bi-but what if she and I weren't interested in each other? Would they ASSUME that because I'm bi then we MUST be involved? Probably. Not worried about it-just curiously intrigued.

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Originally Posted by Moonglow View Post
I know they would never have any interest in each other but one can dream that at least we could share...
Yes you can!

I know that feeling. I don't dream of them sexually being together. But I do dream of being able to curl up around GG with Maca curled up around me or vice versa (probably both considering how much I flip flop around in bed!).

I WOULD LOVE to be able to sleep all together a couple nights a week. It would be so reassuring.

Ironically I happen to think that doing so would also help both of them to get more comfortable with each other and realize that they need not FEEL like there is any competition.

Like when you start dating for the first time and you are hesitant and nervous about holding hands? Of course-once you DO IT you get over that nervousness right?

I think it would be the same thing. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not applying this to sex, though it did work that way for me (I was totally homo-phobic when I was younger). When I let my guard down a little bit to a patient woman who was willing to carefully show me how loving it could be to have a woman make love to me, I figured out that it just wasn't the big deal that I had previously made of it. BUT-that's just me. I don't know that any other person would be capable of that leap sexually.

As for the sleeping in the same room-I have no doubt that damn near anyone COULD get used to that, considering how little would HAPPEN.

Sorry-rant.
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-25-2010 at 07:52 PM. Reason: merge posts
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  #18  
Old 04-26-2010, 01:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
Did/does the significant other in your V ever get annoyed or upset that you are not romantically/sexually interested in the other person, or does your SO appreciate the gift? Very curious because although I am not bisexual I do and have been part of a threesome to please my lover. He asked, I found it exciting to be part of and I happily participated. However unless it is to arouse him, I wouldn't choose a sexual relationship with a woman. This disappoints him. Is that a common reaction in V relationships?
you would do this for your partner? really?! I find it absolutely abhorrent to have sex with people I am not into and in fact find that I think I am insulting them. I don't do anything unless I am aroused to do so. I used to and it just built resentment and anger. I ceratainly wouldn't have sex with a woman just to turn a man on. It would be just for me, but then I genuinely love sex with women... I still wouldn't let a guy watch just because he got off on it. I hated that about swinging. I was all into it and the women hated it, but did it for their men.... I think I have just been triggered by this... sorry
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  #19  
Old 04-26-2010, 01:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Heteroflexible (I don't know why I love this term, but its a label that makes me smile everytime)...
ohhh, got it. Got it, but definitely NOT it. Still triggered. Just goes to show, I really shouldn't do things that bug me and make my stomach turn,,, I really didn't go with my gut when guys watched me eagerly go down on their wives, while they giggled and squirmed under my touch. I knew they hated it and acted all into it for their men. I was confused, and insulted. They didn't get off at all for real (it lasted as long as they could stand it). It was all fake and I was left feeling hurt that the moment was all just for mens entertainment... lesson learned. And they say swinging is just harmless fun. Hmph, not always, I wonder what they felt afterwards? I wonder if it grossed them out that I actually was into it instead of just pretending. I hope there was no negative affect..... Okay, I have to get off this as it's ruining my otherwise nice day.
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Last edited by redpepper; 04-26-2010 at 01:39 AM.
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  #20  
Old 04-26-2010, 01:38 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle View Post
I think it is interesting what Morningglory said about not being bi-sexual. That is another struggle I have had with labels.
There are terms that differentiate along the bisexual scale.

Heteroflexible -- mainly hetero
Bisexual -- equal attraction to both
Homoflexible -- mainly gay/lesbian

Bi-occasional works, too.

"Bisexual" covers the whole gamut, though if you're not comfortable with that, you can use a descriptor that provides more detail. A label is only a description, remember, and you can change one as you change what you do.
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