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  #611  
Old 08-16-2014, 02:30 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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I joined AFF in 2007, right after my first marriage ended. To be honest, I was naive enough coming out of that marriage that I thought the "Friend" part of the site name was literal.

I figured it out pretty fast, but stuck around because one of the biggest issues in that marriage was the lack of any sexual enjoyment or (on my then-husband's part) comprehension of how anything worked.

I met Hubby on AFF. After we got together, he pretty much stopped visiting the site; I just hung around the chat room for my geographic area, because I had friends there. When he and I opened our marriage, we started being more active on the site, and that's how I met Guy. It's also how I met Best Friend.

Fast-forwarding, I started the profile on OKC this spring, after I saw the site mentioned on these forums, because AFF didn't seem especially poly-friendly, and I was getting a bunch of jackasses saying things like "Ooh, your husband doesn't satisfy you, let me show you how a real man does it" or "You're cheating on your husband, you must be a horny slut."

But I didn't have any better luck on OKC...and then S2 started messaging me on AFF, and so far that's going pretty darn well. I realized this morning that today is 5 weeks since S2 and I had our first date, and so far we're still chatting regularly and enjoy spending time together, so AFF ended up being the right choice for me once again. LOL
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Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
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  #612  
Old 08-26-2014, 04:25 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I had a really good date a week or so ago. We met for coffee. He's hot and has his shit together. Yay! Younger than me but what else is new? We chat, have a really good conversation, nothing too deep but not totally superficial either. Things progress to making out. That was fun! I didn't take him home with me although I was tempted. I'm gun shy about doing that since that is how Whip and I met. So as we say our good byes, he makes it clear he would like to see me again, I make it clear I would like to see him again. When I get home, I send him an OKC message basically saying I really enjoyed the date, the making out was fun, and here's my phone number. So I'm thinking hot guy will be in contact at some point and sexy hijinks will ensue.

Instead, dead silence. I've not heard a peep on OKC or via phone. I did send one last message - basically another date was fun, would love to get together - and have left it at that. No point in reaching out further. I've moved on to others (including one guy who sent me a riddle to figure out! Swoon!) but honestly, I am perplexed.

I've heard this happens to other folks. I've just never had it happen to me. I'm usually really good at knowing if things will click or not. I've had the bailing out before the date - that's happened more than once. But I've never gone on a date, made a connection, had some sexy contact, and then squat? My instincts were not on point about this one. It's weird and rather disconcerting. Has this happened to you? Has anyone done this to someone? (No judgments, I know things happen in life.)
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  #613  
Old 08-26-2014, 06:19 PM
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You may have actually lucked out. The one OKC contact I met IRL turned out to be a complete bomb. Not after the initial contact, but after several weeks of contact. I'm actually ashamed to talk about it. I can't believe what a flaming fool I was. And yes, this person seemed like a winner in the beginning. [facepalm]
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  #614  
Old 08-26-2014, 07:21 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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To be honest? I kind of did that to someone fairly recently and I'm more than a bit embarrassed by it. I don't have a huge amount of dating experience, and I went on a second date with a guy who I had had some reservations about from before we met but was intrigued enough to see what happened. (My blog description of the entire thing: "Went on a couple dates with a guy off OKC - one drinks only, one drinks and dancing and a bit of making out. That one's done, I think. He's attractive in a way that hits my bad-boy buttons, but there are far too many red flags there. Came to poly via cheating, is terribly libertarian (which made for entertaining debate but not personal compatibility), and at least one time in our conversation made reference to an MRA thing. All fairly subtle things but raised my hackles... and the attraction wasn't enough to override that. Meh." )

Well, I sort of failed to reply to his next couple text messages after that second date, as I was trying to figure out how to say "thanks but no thanks", then didn't hear from him anymore so figured THAT was, in fact, done. Kind of bitchy of me, I know.
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  #615  
Old 08-27-2014, 03:54 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I had a really good date a week or so ago. We met for coffee. He's hot and has his shit together. Yay! Younger than me but what else is new? We chat, have a really good conversation, nothing too deep but not totally superficial either. Things progress to making out. That was fun! I didn't take him home with me although I was tempted. I'm gun shy about doing that since that is how Whip and I met. So as we say our good byes, he makes it clear he would like to see me again, I make it clear I would like to see him again. When I get home, I send him an OKC message basically saying I really enjoyed the date, the making out was fun, and here's my phone number. So I'm thinking hot guy will be in contact at some point and sexy hijinks will ensue.

Instead, dead silence. I've not heard a peep on OKC or via phone. I did send one last message - basically another date was fun, would love to get together - and have left it at that. No point in reaching out further. I've moved on to others (including one guy who sent me a riddle to figure out! Swoon!) but honestly, I am perplexed.

I've heard this happens to other folks. I've just never had it happen to me. I'm usually really good at knowing if things will click or not. I've had the bailing out before the date - that's happened more than once. But I've never gone on a date, made a connection, had some sexy contact, and then squat? My instincts were not on point about this one. It's weird and rather disconcerting. Has this happened to you? Has anyone done this to someone? (No judgments, I know things happen in life.)
I'm sorry that happened to you, opal! I've had similar things happen a time or two, or other weird things, like guys breaking up with me over a seemingly minor issue. Dating sucks sometimes.

Maybe your guy got in a car crash and is in the hospital, or his favorite aunt died or something. Or maybe, like that time for me last summer, he's terribly depressed and tried to kill himself. You never know!
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  #616  
Old 08-27-2014, 06:08 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I'm sorry that happened to you, opal! I've had similar things happen a time or two, or other weird things, like guys breaking up with me over a seemingly minor issue. Dating sucks sometimes.

Maybe your guy got in a car crash and is in the hospital, or his favorite aunt died or something. Or maybe, like that time for me last summer, he's terribly depressed and tried to kill himself. You never know!
OMG Mags, I am laughing so hard now.

(I do know the later actually happened to you which is not funny at all.)

Well I have perspective now.
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  #617  
Old 08-28-2014, 12:45 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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A couple of recent dealbreakers:

A woman I was speaking to on AFF asked me, "Would you be ok if I had a gun on me while we were out together?"

A couple from SDC: "Come meet us at (restaurant name.) We're here with our kids."
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  #618  
Old 09-03-2014, 01:50 AM
CincyPolyCouple CincyPolyCouple is offline
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My wife got a great one - "So can I c*m inside you? Or is this only reserved for your husband?"

FIRST MESSAGE! It's like - really? Really? This is your opening line?
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  #619  
Old 09-03-2014, 02:29 AM
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  #620  
Old 09-03-2014, 05:08 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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A few weeks ago a guy contacted me to talk about gaming, which I mention on my profile. So far so good. We talk for about a week, he asks if he can join my gaming group (we play once a week). I ask my group that week, okays it for the next, he seems enthusiastic. I give him the time and address.... and he never showed up, and no news whatsoever. That was about a week ago.

I'm confused.

Then I thought he finally messaged me, but it's another guy also asking if we can play games together. I'm a bit surprised because the previous guy was the first in three years, and so soon another one...

My husband thinks the first guy just wanted a hookup and gave up when he realised I didn't. I guess it's possible, but my last message to him was the address and "see you there" and he seemed enthusiastic up till then. I also set myself as only looking for friends so people looking for casual hookups shouldn't have me in their search results, should they?
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