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  #11  
Old 04-25-2010, 04:03 AM
otter otter is offline
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Well I had a long talk to Bear tonight. Next time we see Wolf he wants the two of us to sit with him and let him know how I feel.

You guys really helped me get to that point today. I am not sure when we will see him face to face. I can not do this over a phone. I am so scared....
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  #12  
Old 04-25-2010, 04:54 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I wrote on another thread about this earlier in the week,

Fear is quicksand.

If you flail and flop about-you drown.

So when you fear, stop, recenter yourself and then slowing move in the right direction.

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  #13  
Old 04-25-2010, 05:03 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I have no confidence in love...telling someone I love them is like giving them a piece of me. That scares me, because handing that over leaves me exposed and open to someone hurting me in the only way I feel pain. I fear that deeply....
Hey Ari-lets practice.

I LOVE YOU!!

*Evil grin*
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  #14  
Old 04-25-2010, 04:20 PM
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Well that was just a bad night. I had text Wolf with a simple "Hi". I just wanted to touch base with him to make sure he was not mad at me for the day before. When I had hung up on him he had sounded confused and a little hurt. Instead of texting me back he called, at a really bad time on my end. (Hard to talk on the phone and milk a goat at the same time. ).
Any ways he told me he would call me back in a half hour. After 45 min I called him and got voice mail. He never did call last night. It so hard not to look to deeply into it. It may have been toxic to keep every thing bottled up for so long but damn it hurts as the old bandages are being ripped off and the wound is reopened.
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:48 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Hey Ari-lets practice.

I LOVE YOU!!

*Evil grin*
Awww...LR ...I....lllllll...........arg see its hard ...I give good hugs though <<hugs>>

Quote:
Well that was just a bad night. I had text Wolf with a simple "Hi". I just wanted to touch base with him to make sure he was not mad at me for the day before.
When I had hung up on him he had sounded confused and a little hurt. Instead of texting me back he called, at a really bad time on my end. (Hard to talk on the phone and milk a goat at the same time
We obviously don't know what you talked about, but remember some people process information differently, timing etc. Don't overthink it, and don't nag him. When he is ready to talk he...might.

Gotta love this stuff, there are no hard and fast truths.
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  #16  
Old 04-25-2010, 04:58 PM
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What we had talked about was why I have not really talked to him for the last 10 yrs or so. His wife had made it vary clear that I was not to speak to him. Out of respect for his marrage and the true wish he could be happy with her I stepped back. When he would call I gave the phone to Bear after saying a fast hi (then would hover around poor Bear trying to hear what was going on in his life). When I told him this he seemed.... I do not know,sad,mad, confused...
That is all I have talked to him about at this time (Big chicken here)

*i have thought about sending him a link to this site from a new e-mail address. I would never tell him this way but really thought about it *
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  #17  
Old 04-25-2010, 05:02 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otter View Post
*i have thought about sending him a link to this site from a new e-mail address. I would never tell him this way but really thought about it *
Good call ...

You have to do it in your own time. Heck you may never do it, but if it keeps eating you up inside, communicating it will help
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  #18  
Old 04-26-2010, 10:05 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otter View Post
.........I am so scared to really tell him how I feel. At this point I do not know what to do. I will just keep going as I have. Loving 2 guys but never able to tell one how I really feel.
Sweetheart - no point in stressing over telling him what he already knows !
Trust me - he KNOWS !

It's VERY admirable how you have handled this all this time.
At this point I'd suggest keeping that model in place. Even if his marriage does truly end, there's going to be a time of uncertainty for him. A lot of unresolved emotions & stuff. Not the time for what's between you to blossom. That needs to come in it's proper time.

And sometimes, it never comes. I've learned this. Others have learned this. It doesn't change the love that exists between you. How special it is. It only changes how it's lived and expressed. Sometimes the dream remains unrealized but what's left is still precious beyond the comprehension of most.

GS
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  #19  
Old 04-26-2010, 11:26 PM
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Thank you GS. That does give me something to think about. At this point I was just thinking about putting it out there , never really thinking its a elephant in the room that every one sees but no one wants to talk about. My thought where to tell him just to get on with our friendship/or what may be left.

I need to take a deep breath and step back. I have been standing behind him so long there is no reason to throw my self in front right now. As I think about it he called me to tell me the marage was over,not Bear. May be there is a small hope, but my biggest hope is he comes out of this happier. With or with out me.
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  #20  
Old 04-27-2010, 02:57 AM
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Ok, now I just need a hug. I think I am spending way to much time alone with my thoughts here. I need to watch some" Fire Fly" or the "Muppets".
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