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  #21  
Old 04-24-2010, 04:09 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
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It may be hard for her because she already feels that she has done soooo much to make me comfortable, but we never talked out how things were to be done when she actually found someone.
Hindsight is20/20 so they say.
But this quote is your problem.

You each have a mental picture of how this will develop. But because you didn't discuss it-the pictures don't match. She's fighting to keep hers intact, and you are fighting to put yours together. Very conflicting goals.

You two need to sit down and create a "plan of action", or "boundary list" whatever you want to call it.
You can include this is how we'll handle the first 5 dates details or whatever the heck you want. But you need to do it together so that you both have the same expectation of events or at least compatible expectations!
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  #22  
Old 04-24-2010, 05:22 PM
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Very good point LR. Its important to remember that boundaries seem to work better when they are fluid, so this should be a living document of what you can give and what you just can't budge on. Make sure you let each other know when the boundary has moved so that adjustments can be made along the way.

I'm not a "write it down" person at all, but my husband is. I have found that the boundaries we have are so enground now that there is no need for a written list for me. There was at the beginning. We tell each other regularly what is changing for us now. It takes practice and mutual respect.
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