Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-04-2014, 11:45 PM
Maleficent Maleficent is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 45
Default Tomorrow is day one of coming out

A bit of back ground is perhaps necessary.

I have been bi sexual all my life. From the time I first recall being aware of sexual feelings I have had them for both men and women. I was also raised in a very sexually repressive religion. Mormon/latter day saint. Developing sexual feelings for anyone was not something that I was ever comfortable talking to my parents about. I went to great lengths to hide my feelings.

I left the church in my late teens and soon after was married and moving around the country with my military husband and growing our family and living happily ever after.

Then I met Darla. My world went upside down. We fell in love and entered into our V. She and my husband have a strong friendship. They are taking it slow to see if a romantic connection is there. We have been dating for nearly two years.

It's time to tell my family. I don't want it to be a secret anymore. I'd rather have people hate the truth than love a lie. The three of us are ready. All our children know. Darla is out with her family. I'm ready. But damn if I'm not nervous.

Tomorrow my mom, grandmother, and one of my sisters are flying to attend my youngest brothers boot camp graduation. I'm meeting them there and spending the week with them. My husband and our kids are driving to join us on the weekend. It's going to be scary and I don't need or expect their approval right away. It would be lovely if someday Darla and her kids could have a place in my extended family. Only time will tell.

So thanks for reading and wish me luck.
__________________
Me - bi female hinge of a closed V / developing triad
Hank - my husband of 15 years.
Darla - long distance girlfriend of 1 year.
We have seven dependent children between us.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-05-2014, 01:28 AM
pulliman pulliman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 182
Default

GOOD LUCK! I'm really hoping the best for you.

Willa came out to her mom recently, and it was... a non-event. Totally. Could not have gone better. Both the bisexual relationship and the non-monogamy of it.

Me? Still in the closet about poly, with my family.

So I wish you the best of luck, and am curious how things will turn out.
__________________
Willa: my wife
Amy: someone Willa and I have both been involved with
Ella: a many-years long-distance relationship of mine, that I don't blog about
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-05-2014, 11:20 AM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 750
Default

Good luck!
__________________
Unapologetically Poly

Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce

My Online Journal
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-05-2014, 12:33 PM
NortheastPoly NortheastPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 17
Default

Good luck to you.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-05-2014, 02:22 PM
Nadya Nadya is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 256
Default

Good luck to you! Sounds like it is the right time to come out, but it is so nerv-wrecking - each time. Because the "coming out" happens over and over again in different situations with different people. Of course coming out to your family is a one-time thing - I suppose the members of the family who won't be present *will* receive the news sooner or later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maleficent View Post
I'd rather have people hate the truth than love a lie.
This I agree with 100%. You sound strong enough to handle all possible reactions. Some of them might hurt, but you are not letting them kill you. Keep up the spirit! You were courageous enough to leave the church, you will be good with this, too
__________________
in a live-in Vee with
CJ: my husband and
Mark: partner
LDR with Steve
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-21-2014, 10:30 AM
Maleficent Maleficent is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 45
Default

Three down. Three thousand to go. Hahaha

My mom took it alright. I was most worried about telling her. She and I are very close but I have never opened up to her about my sexuality. Her biggest worry is that my marriage won't survive the new relationship. There were tears but it ended in hugs.

My sister is amazingly accepting and supportive. She and Darla are now friends on Facebook and getting to know each other. I told her my worries I have about telling my long time best friend (she and sis are close) and she is eager to lend her support.

My brother was pretty blown away. Didn't believe me at first. Lol. Overall he wants us all to be happy and for the kids to be ok.

So that's the start. I still need to tell my dad, two more sisters, and seven more brothers. It should be a pretty interesting family reunion this summer.
__________________
Me - bi female hinge of a closed V / developing triad
Hank - my husband of 15 years.
Darla - long distance girlfriend of 1 year.
We have seven dependent children between us.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-21-2014, 03:37 PM
Razorbacktat Razorbacktat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 42
Default

Good for you. I completely understand your desire to come out, and your desire to have one big happy poly family. we live that way in secret most of the time but we are a triad and we and all our kids spend a lot of time together. Im glad the process is working for you, I have come out to my mother but no one else yet. good luck and keep us posted.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-21-2014, 05:14 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 182
Default

Hell YES that sounds wonderful.

In our world, we're a few people into coming out. Amy finally told someone (ANYONE) and it was a transcendent experience for her to be out, both in relationships with more than one person and with one of them being a woman. Willa has told her mom and sister and two of her closest friends. I have told my sister and two of my close guy friends. Due to spousal sharing, maybe 10 people total actually know, by now, and it's been like you said: people accepting and crying and hugs at the end, blown away, or wanting to be sure that we'll be okay (sometimes all three in one conversation).

I'm really happy for you!
__________________
Willa: my wife
Amy: someone Willa and I have both been involved with
Ella: a many-years long-distance relationship of mine, that I don't blog about
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-21-2014, 06:54 PM
BillNIndy BillNIndy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Indiana
Posts: 43
Default

Wish you the best of luck. I came out as poly a few weeks ago to everyone in my life. I don't regret it in the least, but had a bit of backlash from certain people in my life. I'm happy for you and I'm proud that you have the courage it takes to come out!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-04-2014, 11:50 PM
leilasi leilasi is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 4
Default

Hi :-)

That is so awesome. My parents know I'm bi, friends and some acquaintances know we are open. Now, coming out to a friend that I'm madly in love with him is another story. He is the only one that doesn't know, so naive he is. Also pretty heavy luggage, so I'm not sure anymore whether I want to start anything with him right now.

My husband has a lover and only our best friend knows about it.

Mother would freak out if she knew we are open but I'm not interested in deepening the relationship with her anymore (there were 23 years to do that, if it didn't work so far it's not gonna be now).

Congrats for having an accepting family. I was scared to read the outcome but I'm glad I did!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:24 PM.