Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 04-23-2010, 12:46 PM
biglover biglover is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 17
Unhappy Curfews...?

So I and my partner A are exploring our newish open relationship. I say newish because tho we have been open for a year now, we still haven't been able to do much. This is because we are working through all the kinks together.

Now A has been very patient with me in waiting for me to get to the right comfort levels for different things and has encouraged me to explore it on my side tho it has been a very bumpy road.

Now she has someone of interest, W, whom she would like to explore. We have been openly talking about the progress of the situation for quite some time, because we believe that communication is key.

However lately i'm feeling a little twisted around and almost manipulated.

She asked to make plans with W, without mentioning there would be intimacy as a possibility though it is in her right to ask for and expect it, that i apparently agreed to, but then later after i okayed the plans informed me of the intimate intentions.

Now I understand that she is eager to explore her side of the open relationship and i have gotten to a point where i am comfortable enough to deal with it happening, but we were supposed to be at a function later this night together and i mentioned to her that that day may not be the best idea because it is the first time she is doing something solo and i don't know how i will react.

Now she heard me out and sgreed that it would not be the best idea and moved the plans to the day before during the day and she agreed to see me after in the evening. this is what will be happening now at this point. but one thing is not sitting right with me...

I asked her if she could give me a ball park time of when I will be seeing her after the encounter and she refuses to give me one because she doesn't want a curfew. She is meeting W at 11am and if it were still on the original planned day of friday she would be meeting up with me at around 8 or 9 because we agreed to go to that event together.

So i told her that if i haven't heard from her by 8 or 9, I may not want to see her after the encounter because its a long time to be sitting around waiting for her to do whatever with someone else.

I feel like i could be put to calm much more if she just gave me a general time by which i will see her after. I don't think this is too much to ask for and they will have plenty of time to hang out or do whatever.

This also bothers me because many times when i had been working on something with someone else (not A) A would give me curfews or freak out if i didn't respond to messages, etc. Essentially make things very difficult for me to do anythign with anyone and i would always comply to whatever she needed.

Now I feel like i'm the one who needs something and she refuses to help me. This being said she has done a lot positively to get me to this point in our relationship, but with this last step of offering a little time security, I think that i can do everything without freaking out or losing my shit.

But this particular lack of consideration with this regard has really started making me question my love for her and i'm scared and afraid that this encounter might become a catalyst to something far worse than breaking any curfew. I scared that i'm falling out of love with her and this situation isn't making it any better.

I have no idea what to do.

I understand that the curfew thing and i don't want to put that on her tho she has made my past encounters very difficult and unintimate. I have provided her with all the security i can for her encounter and i feel like i need just this little ball park time more, and if she isn't willing to give me that than I don't know if i can do this or even be with her anymore.

Signed,

Losing my mind...
Reply With Quote
 

Tags
curfew, open relationship, rules, time

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:45 PM.