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  #11  
Old 04-23-2010, 02:49 AM
dazedandconfused dazedandconfused is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Polyamory is not synonymous with bisexuality.

You, yourself, do not have to have sex with or "be with" another woman.

I'm sensing that there is some expectation of threesomes and/or mutual girlfriend(s). You didn't say so but the way your sentence comes across, it's as though you take it as a given that you are "supposed to" be involved with other women in order to "be polyamorous".

Nothing could be further from the reality.

Do not let anyone pressure you into doing something you do not want to do.
Oh. I am sorry to mislead you there. I completely understand that I do not have to "be with" another woman nor is my husband expecting that. He is not pressuring me for that. I guess right now that is the only way I think I could possibly do this without feeling really jealous and wondering what was going on.

Thank you for the clarification anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by idealist View Post
Welcome!!! Have you thought about why you don't have any woman friends?
Yes. I have been with my husband since high school and we married shortly there after. I kind of did the typical thing girls will do and be with the boy and not the girlfriends. I was in college, working and a new marriage. Not much time for friends. Then came kids and all of that. I do have some women friends, but they are not what I would call the kind of friends you tell your most intimate stuff too.

I am working on reaching out more and meeting new women and have recently met a couple of ladies that I really like. However, the relationship is new and I don't really know them that well yet.

Your insights are spot on with this and it is something I am working on the best I can.

Thank you.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-23-2010 at 12:17 PM.
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  #12  
Old 04-23-2010, 05:38 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Dazed-

Keep in mind-that you can create a "for the moment lets start with ONLY _______."

That is why I say go back over it monthly.
One of the things we are doing with D/s-which also has a boundary list- is we pick ONE new thing and see how it goes. If it works-GREAT. If not-we stop. But either way after a bit of time to get comfortable with the new activity OR decide we aren't going to keep doing it we come back to the table to identify a new activity.

You could do the same thing with Poly....
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  #13  
Old 04-23-2010, 07:00 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by dazedandconfused View Post
I am working on reaching out more and meeting new women and have recently met a couple of ladies that I really like. However, the relationship is new and I don't really know them that well yet.
I am so glad to hear this. It sounds like your life is super busy already with family (parents, kids) and that your needs for independence and autonomy have not been present in your life. When I became partners with Mono my husband went through a time of self discovery and change. I think that was the biggest gift to all of us is that we went about accomplishing that which makes us happy and fulfilled. Not that taking care of family is not fulfilling, just that there is so much more to do in life.

It's all very well to open up a relationship, but in my experience if there is any rock left unturned, it will be turned for us in figuring out a balanced poly lifestyle. It sounds like this could be the rock that is left unturned for you. Who knows, in turning it and going and getting your personal life in order, you could rekindle all kinds of good stuff in your marriage. Maybe there are even some rocks to turn that your husband would like to turn with you
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  #14  
Old 04-24-2010, 12:22 AM
saudade saudade is offline
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Lightbulb Thoughts on jealousy

D&C, welcome! It sounds like you're in a tricky spot. There's just one piece of advice I want to give...

First, quoting you:
Quote:
Oh. I am sorry to mislead you there. I completely understand that I do not have to "be with" another woman nor is my husband expecting that. He is not pressuring me for that. I guess right now that is the only way I think I could possibly do this without feeling really jealous and wondering what was going on.
If you and your husband decide to go ahead with poly, I want you to know that you ARE going to feel jealous at some point-- and that's okay. Like every other "negative" feeling, it's irrational and it's going to happen sometimes, no matter what you and your husband do. The important thing is to be able to work through it somehow.

Here are links to two amazing articles (same author, same site-- lots of great stuff elsewhere on there if you're interested) on jealousy in poly relationships-- they go from the basis that feeling jealousy is a big sign from your brain telling you that something needs fixing. That 'thing' could be the relationship, or your husband's behavior, or your perception of a situation, or anywhere in between.

http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyjealousy.html
http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyrefrigerator.html

The best advice I can give you, if you decide to keep investigating poly possibilities, is to be open to a variety of possibilities. Everything has potential to trigger jealous feelings, but it's possible to work through that jealousy with lots of communication and slow baby steps.

Thanks for sharing, and good luck! Keep posting-- we're here for you.

In cahoots,
~S
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