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  #21  
Old 04-20-2010, 10:50 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Ok, one more thought!

I get that you have an idea of "marriage"....

Obviously-that isn't the type of relationship you have with RP either.

So.... if YOU were NAMING your commitment to RP (you define it on here all the time ) What would you call it???

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  #22  
Old 04-20-2010, 10:56 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
He pointed out that (bear with me all you who aren't christian-it's only an example) the examples in the Bible of commitment between Jesus and the church, which are also equated to what a marriage should be, are also representative of what ALL of our relationships should be like.
That we should commit to love all people "as christ loves the church" not JUST our spouses....
you have offended my non-Christian sensibilities

I do enjoy this dialog, very interesting to read. Marriage for me was something I did for my wife. I was already committed to her and didn't need the paper or the priest. ...She, and her family, felt it a required step before they would view me as family. So this dynamic makes it even more interesting.
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  #23  
Old 04-20-2010, 10:56 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Ok, one more thought!

I get that you have an idea of "marriage"....

Obviously-that isn't the type of relationship you have with RP either.

So.... if YOU were NAMING your commitment to RP (you define it on here all the time ) What would you call it???

Commitment of Life. I am committed to support her regardless of the nature of our relationship in whatever way I can for the remainder of my life.
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  #24  
Old 04-20-2010, 11:03 PM
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The Commitment of Life has no predefined shape; it is not reliant on being Lovers but is reliant on looking after each other as human beings that have a spiritual and loving connection. It would honor the belief that we are vessels of a greater entity that resides in both of us and is meant to be together.
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  #25  
Old 04-20-2010, 11:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
you have offended my non-Christian sensibilities
Ari you are such a smartass!

I married Maca for him. He needed the security of the piece of paper. I never have found security in the paper-too many people are masters of tearing it up.
But I love him-and if that was what helped him find security-I was more than willing to give it to him fully.
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  #26  
Old 04-20-2010, 11:22 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
The Commitment of Life has no predefined shape; it is not reliant on being Lovers but is reliant on looking after each other as human beings that have a spiritual and loving connection. It would honor the belief that we are vessels of a greater entity that resides in both of us and is meant to be together.
Ok, so that said-how (this is ALL just for conversation mind you) would you feel if what she was asking for was a ceremony to celebrate the "commitment of life" (as you've defined it) that you share?
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  #27  
Old 04-21-2010, 12:11 AM
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Ok, so that said-how (this is ALL just for conversation mind you) would you feel if what she was asking for was a ceremony to celebrate the "commitment of life" (as you've defined it) that you share?
Very comfortable ...maybe a first step?
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  #28  
Old 04-21-2010, 01:16 AM
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Commitment of Life...I like the sound of that. Sounds like a concept that takes the relgious aspect out of "marriage" but has more personal meaning than a "civil union".
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  #29  
Old 04-21-2010, 01:28 AM
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Maybe so Mon.

Glad I could help you come up with another way to think about things. Hope it helps you in your search for more clarity.

Gotta run!

(vandalin-I really like it too, very much so)
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  #30  
Old 04-22-2010, 04:39 PM
saudade saudade is offline
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Red face My journey with this stuff

Sorry I'm joining late, been sick lately and haven't had the energy to sign on after a full work day. (My job involves lots of running and chasing... which is swell until around 8pm when I'm home on the couch!)

First off, @Vandalin:
Quote:
I, "Cajun"
take you, "Vandalin"
to be no other than yourself
loving what I know of you
trusting what I do not yet know
with respect for your integrity
and faith in your love for me
through all our years
and in all that life may bring us.
I've been looking for vows that I could say and mean them for over a year now. Thank you.

Second, I love the idea of a life commitment ceremony, and all the thinking that's happening along those lines.

Third... @Mono, I hear what you're saying about a marriage ceremony-- what's it for, if not fidelity? It's something I've actually been struggling with in my own way, because K and I are engaged (wedding's in 5mos and change ) and trying to decide what it means for us to be wed.

Mon, it feels like you've latched pretty strongly onto the idea that marriage is about monofidelity. It's understandable, both because that's a big part of the commonly accepted meaning of the term and because that piece stands out in sharper relief against a poly background.

There are lots of concepts (marriage and poly included) that I just see as boxes. Everybody throws stuff in their box, and wraps it, and then calls the sum of the parts X. For the 'marriage' box, lots of people throw monofidelity in-- but there's lots of other stuff we can choose to put in (with or without monofidelity):
  • remaining together until death
  • raising children
  • combining finances
  • purchasing property
  • sharing a home
  • taking care of each other

Every marriage has a box that defines it... Sometimes the people involved discuss what to put in and what to throw away, and some of it in there because the entire culture around them has it that way, and some of it just gets thrown in through habit and repetition.

My marriage box with K is primarily about: lifetime partnership; solidifying the trunk of our poly constellation; an explicit agreement to raise children together as our own; and a financial merger for mutual convenience and security.

What's the name of your box? What's in it?
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